Sometimes it feels like the world is closing in on you, everyone is moving forward but you are stood frozen to the spot, change is happening and you accept that. Your taking baby steps and you know that your going in the right direction but you have reservations about pretty much everything. Should I do this, should I do that?
This weekend I felt like the walls were going to fall in on me and with those reservations at the fore front of my mind I decided to be spontaneous. I needed something to focus on, something to look forward to again, something for just Leo and I to do together. I wanted to jet off far away to blue skies and sandy beaches. I just wanted to take a few days, or even a week to ourselves, and forget about everything that has been said, and the things that haven't yet been said.
I sat at the laptop with thoughts running through my mind, and before I knew it I was looking at all of the different Expedia package holidays that were online for the coming months ahead. Suddenly I felt like I had to do something, It was completely out of character for me, I never do anything like this, especially in the instance that it would mean it was just Leo and I running off on a holiday this time. Our very first holiday all on our own, no second pair of hands, no additional support. Just Leo and I jetting off into the sunset on our very own adventure.
Maybe the thought should have scared me, maybe it should have put me off even looking at holiday's. Maybe it should have stopped me in my tracks. But it didn't. In fact as I sat there looking at all of the different packages available.. I instantly knew exactly where I wanted to go.
As soon as the thought entered my mind, I knew that I was going to be making a booking imminently. I'm the kind of girl that acts as soon as she has made her mind up about something, it's both a blessing and a curse. I knew exactly where we would be going, I knew the hotel that we would be staying at, because it was only back in June that we visited, and I had decided there and then that I was going to return.
I took Leo's school holiday's into consideration, I checked the dates against the available dates for May 2016. I find the perfect deal, and before I knew it I will tentatively filling out the booking form. I was filling in my card details. I was dancing outside of my usual comfort zone and making plans for the future.
So Leo and I have booked a holiday. Just the two of us. Us against the world.
I have decided that life is to short to sit and watch the months roll by. From here and now I will actively make plans. I will give people chances, I will stop making comparisons, I will stop looking backwards. I won't even glance over my shoulder anymore. I am not going that way, not any more.
I cannot wait for this next chapter of my life, my life with Leo. I cannot wait to head to the airport and catch that flight, where we will return to visit the friends that we made. I cannot wait to sit on the beach and cover my toes in the sand, I can't wait to build sand castles and chase waves.
This holiday is something that we both need, and I am ready.
People cannot believe that I am actually doing this. But you know what? When I say that I am going to do something. I am going to do it! I might sometimes take my time before I act, but I am going to do it one way or another.
And guess what?
I did it!