Thursday 18th July 2019, a day that I had been anxiously waiting two weeks for since my last early scan at Peek-a-Baby.
I woke up feeling like a school child who had forgotten to do a whole pile of homework and had to face a teacher imminently, I was scared of what I was going to be told today, and hopeful that my little Pop’s would have a happy ending.
I was unsure what the day would present to me, I knew they would first attempt to scan my tummy, but judging on the previous scans, I knew that it may require an internal scan instead. I dressed accordingly, I opted for a top and a skirt so that I could stay modest for both eventualities.
I began to paint my face, systematically applying the war paint that I knew I was going to need to face the day.
I was preparing for what I expected to be an emotional day.
I got Leo ready for school, dropped him off and popped into work for an hour. Then I set off to pick my younger sister up, who had very kindly offered to come with me as Luke had to work.
My bladder was full to bursting, I had not been to the loo since first thing that morning, and it was now coming up to 10:40 - the time of my appointment.
My name was called and I came face to face with the midwife who had looked after all of my pregnancy care when I was pregnant with Leo. It was so nice to see a familiar face, before I was even fully through the door I was spilling out my sorry tale of my experience with the early scan, a potential blighted ovum pregnancy and already holding back the tears...
I had only said that morning how I wasn’t going to cry.
The midwife looked apologetic and commenced the scan by squeezing the cold gel over my lower abdomen. My womb flashed up onto the screen, and after some navigating around we found the empty pregnancy sac.
My heart sunk and I declared ‘I thought this would be the case, it’s a blighted ovum isn’t it’.
The midwife paused for a moment and said ‘I’m sorry, it looks like it might be, but before we say for definite. Pop along to the loo and let out some of the urine, this will help us see more clearly’.
I did just that, I left some but I was by no means bursting like I was before. I solemnly returned to the scanning room and lay back down on the bed. The gel was again placed over my tummy and then the midwife continued her investigation.
It felt like I was waiting hours before she managed to find what looked to be a small fetal pole. She zoomed in, and there he was. Pop.
Pop was somewhere in there after all.
The sac wasn’t empty like we had first thought, there was a little tiny life growing away. Getting bigger, getting stronger everyday.
Pop measured in at 5.6mm, which put me at around 6 weeks and 6 days pregnant.
It also gave me a more accurate due date of 6th March 2020!
It was still too early to get excited though, no heartbeat was observed during this scan, but the fact that we had now seen a fetal pole gave me the hope I needed.
The midwife wanted me to go to Worcester Royal and wait for an emergency viability scan, but I was aware I had to return to work (who thought I was at a paediatrician appointment for Leo).
The reasoning behind the viability scan was because my last menstrual period was April 24th, so they were realistically expecting to see a much more developed 11 week baby wriggling away. Instead they found a very small fetal pole with no obvious heartbeat, which for them was more alarming than it was for me!
The midwife very rightly told me that ‘this is more important’, and I started to write out a message to my boss. I was struggling with what to say, and in the end I decided that there was nothing better than the truth.
I deleted the text message and picked up the phone, determined to be strong and not to cry..... as soon as he answered my words failed and the tears fell instead. I can’t even really remember what I said, but in not to many words I announced that I was pregnant and would potentially have to go straight from the scan to the Worcester Royal Hospital for a emergency viability scan.
I’m very lucky in many ways, work are very understanding and I was told to take my time and not to worry about work.
Although it’s not the way I planned on announcing my pregnancy at work, there have to be better ways than hysterically shouting down the phone. Equally I am glad I was honest and got the news out there, even if it was super early.
The midwife was equally amazing and she spent a good 10 or so minutes trying to get me seen, but they advised her that I should wait a fortnight. I think my solemn face said I couldn’t take another 2 week wait, and the next thing I know is she’s managed to get me a viability scab for 7 days later - 25th July!
I’m not sure yet if I have good news, I’m not sure yet if Pop is viable, but I know that I am so much more positive than I was yesterday. For me seeing a almost 7 week fetal pole was just what I needed to see, and ties in pretty perfectly with the dates I had worked out.
What this means though is that I found out about my pregnancy days after implantation happened. Counting back on the calendar I plotted a assumption of when I knew ovulation happened, and when I thought implantation may have perhaps taken place.
Seeing all of the dates plotted out over the course of the last few months really helped me gain a positivity for what was going on inside of my body right now.
I am optimistic that Pop is viable. I am pretty certain that the cause of confusion and alarm is simply my very irregular cycles and the fact that I found out ridiculously early. What has really thrown me is that the usual dating for pregnancy begins with the start of your last menstrual period, but that JUST does not work in my scenario.
I ovulated, conceived and got a positive pregnancy test all in the space of 13 days.
The one pretty amazing thing about all of this (worry aside of course) is that I have seen my baby develop from just a pregnancy sac, and now seen the very first manifestation of a fetal pole. Not everyone get's to see that, and I will be making sure I get those very early scans from Peek-a-Baby when I visit on August 1st, and they can also provide me with those gestational sac measurements too while they are at it!
Now I have seen a little fetal pole, I have seen the makings of a little baby, I just need to believe that this time next week I will have seen a heartbeat thumping away.
Hopefully this time next week, this theory of when I conceived will be confirmed, and I can finally get excited about being pregnant.
Come on Pop, we are all rooting for you!
