Outside the box

‘We have to turn our attention to Leo starting school’ said the speech therapist, I looked her straight in the eyes and said ‘That’s all that I have been thinking about. I just want to make sure that the support is in place should he need it.’ She glances at her sheet of paper with Leo’s notes and then says ‘I would like to recommend the pre-school forum, it’s not something you would personally need to attend, it’s basically where a number of health professional’s discuss a number of children who may benefit from extra support in school. How would you feel about that?’ I nodded and said ‘I am willing to do anything that will help Leo, so of course by all means’. ‘Great, well here is a leaflet explaining the forum in some more detail for you.’ Leo runs up and drops a toy car onto the table and the speech therapist observes him carefully. A number of questions follow… ‘Does Leo usually do as he’s told? Does he understand instruction? How does he play with other children? Is he learning at nursery? Is he well behaved?’

My answers seemed to fall on deaf ears, just as they always do in the company of our speech therapist when it comes to getting a word in edge ways... Leo has a perfect comprehension and understands everything that is asked of him. He does however have many excuses in the line-up if the instructions are something that he doesn’t want to do. I told them about how beautifully Leo had played with his friends on a recent weekend away, how they didn’t just play alongside one another, but actually played. I told them how he is always coming home and talking about what they have done at nursery that day, naming the children and that yes, he is learning! The speech therapist turned to the nursery leader, more interested in her response and everything I had said crashed and burned into a deep dark void. The session that she could have spent one to one with Leo and seen for herself exactly how much his speech had come along was lost to idle chit chat. With that she said ‘Thanks for coming in Laura’, and that drew, what I can only assume was our final speech therapy session to a close.

Leaving the meeting I began thinking about all the hoops that they want pre-school children jumping through before they are even 4 years old. I feel like it is one big circus act and until Leo walks that tight rope well-rehearsed enough to put on the show of his life, nothing is going to be good enough for any of them. With nurseries now being in line with Ofsted and the Early years Foundation, they have had to conform with their learning systems and uphold a certain standard, which of course means that the children have to get in line with what is being asked of them so that the standard’s don’t drop. The kids have to conform and make sure they are stood inside that box, because if they are out of it then you can expect to find yourself in meetings about your child’s development over the duration of your child’s nursery stint.

Leo is his own person, he loves to play with cars, trains and get outside in the fresh air. He doesn't like being taken away from his free play to sit in a circle with the other’s and sing nursery rhymes, but he does like singing along with chart music on the radio. Leo chats my ears off at home and asks ‘what are we doing today Mummy?’ but at school he seems to be shy and keeps himself to himself. Leo loves to cuddle up on the sofa at the end of the day with his blanket and his juice, and adores a bedtime story. He has the sweetest nature and biggest heart, he’s never any trouble at nursery and they all say how well behaved he is. If another child takes something off Leo he just stares at them in dis-belief, he doesn’t snatch it back, or lash out. He just looks hurt. So my beautiful Leo may be stood outside the box, and he may refuse to conform, but why should my 3 year old conform to anyone’s premeditated expectations? He has his entire life to be graded and tested, but right now he is a pre-schooler, and the only thing he should be conforming to is having a good time and learning through play.

It has been said by the nursery and the speech therapist, that it does seem to be that Leo just doesn’t want to conform. But there is a big difference between not wanting to, and not being able to, and if Leo wanted to he could. Just like his Mummy he is head strong and stubborn. If he doesn’t want to do something then there is an excuse at the ready and a pair of stubborn feet to dig into the ground. Apparently Leo and I are more alike than I ever did realise.

In my first year at school I didn’t conform either, I couldn’t read for that first year through either being let to fall through the cracks or laziness on my part. My parents actually moved my school through the worry that I wasn’t being taught everything I needed to know, and within weeks at being at the new school I was reading like I had always known how. I can actually remember learning to read, I remember the first time it just clicked in my head and the book I was reading ‘Winnie the Pooh and the blustery day’.

There is so much pressure on children to conform these days, but I couldn't be prouder of how far Leo has come along, in his own way at his very own pace. Learning cannot be forced, and it will happen in its own time, when they are ready. One day Leo will have to conform, just like I did. But I don’t feel that time is now,  he’s still so young, and while I know that he is absolutely fine, and coming along in his own time, I will make sure he has all the aids in case he needs them, but I will not let anyone make me worry about him, because I know him better than anyone and Leo is a bright, articulate little boy, who will do everything when he is good and ready.

That tight rope will just have to wait.