When you believe

Although there are many hand books available for purchase to walk you through the first weeks..Months and early years of your child's life. Nothing can ever really prepare you for all that there is to come. Those books are guidelines, mere text on paper, which is great should you have a text book baby, a text book toddler, a perfectly 'normal' pre-schooler. We all know that it's not that straight cut, babies, toddlers, children, no two are ever alike. They are all individuals weaving their way on their very own path, but they will all get where there supposed to go, in their own good sweet time.

If you have followed my journey with Leo over the past 17 months or so, you will know that we have had a bit of a bumpy ride. After being let down by our health visitor, and having to watch on as Leo was scored way below where he 'should' be on his development time after time, I got to the point where I expected to hear negativity in every direction, everyone seemed to have concerns, but nothing positive to say? Was there something underlying with my beautiful boy? Was I being naive? Should I stick to my guns? Of course I knew that everyone just wanted the best for Leo, just as I did. I happily accepted all the help offered to me and of course to Leo. I attended sensory play, speech therapy, nursery appointments, before the health visitor finally met with Leo again.

That appointment completely blew my mind, I really thought that we were going to get referred to the pediatrician, in fact I wanted to be referred. We could finally get one over all opinion and some answers, maybe some proper support to help Leo should he need it. The health visitor sat with us and decided there and then that Leo was absolutely fine, which in my heart of hearts I had known all along. Of course with that resounding declaration from the health visitor, there were now conflicting opinions rocking the boat, yet again. I had nursery telling me that Leo was severely behind and actually at the development level of a 22-36 month old, and the health visitor was adament that Leo performed exactly where he should be and beyond, actually placing him between the level of 4-5 years old.. 

While concern after concern for his speech was being raised, and the little boy I could see shining brightly on a daily basis wasn't being recognized in the nursery setting but was coming along all the time in my company, I couldn't understand how no one else could see it. How no one could see him learning and absorbing everything around him, a little sponge in this big wide world. I decided a long time ago to throw caution to the wind, to accept every bit of advice that was made available to us, but to trust my instinct. It may sound crazy, but I didn't worry about Leo. I had every faith in him finding his way, finding his voice and his confidence. You can't rush a child, I knew this, how didn't anyone else? So he didn't speak as well as Joe Blogs!? So he was quiet and reserved? Does that mean we have to pin a label on him?

Flash forward to today...

Today was Leo's second parent's evening. I went straight from work, and you know what? I was ready to hear all about the things Leo wasn't doing. I was mentally ready to look at that development sheet and see where Leo was...and where he 'should' be. To hear the worries about Leo starting school in September.. Only... This evening was the most positive feedback I have received from nursery in the history of Leo's time there.

He counts, recites his days of the week (over and over again!), joins in, dresses himself (at school anyway!), Sings NURSERY Rhymes (The boy that never did!), Asks questions, has many friends, talks with peers, initiates games... Not one negative item of feedback. All glowing, all singing all dancing! 

Leo got there. He GOT THERE! 

I was balled over. Knocked for six. Proud! 

So very proud. 

I have always been proud. Every milestone, bump in the road, smile and tear. This is his path, his time and there is no expiration date on learning. I have kept my cool and somehow my hair throughout this entire ordeal. I have watched Leo learn new words, try new experiences and come on all the time. 

Then one day his confidence just exploded. Out of nowhere, that beautiful boy of mine suddenly had the get up and go that had lay in hibernation until he was ready. Now he is un-stoppable, his vocabulary is widening all the time, oh the things we talk about. He may just be the only 3 year old who asks for a Costa Babycino and puts up the perfect argument as to why he NEEDS one. 

I can honestly say that tonight I sit here and write this post with an unbelievable pride, A pride that only comes when the battle is won, or at least when the waters calm and you can see through the storm to the reality of what you believed all along. That existence for me is that Leo was learning in his own good sweet time, and now he is picking up momentum, the cogs were always turning but suddenly the pace is gaining speed. There's a hunger to be filled, a curiosity that is propelling him forward, and I have been a part of it all. I believed in him, and I believed in myself, my instinct as his Mum. 

Guidelines... PAH! Guidelines are exactly that...Guidelines! That line they draw that your child is above or below doesn't exist. Every child is different. They learn when they are good and ready. 

I am so glad that I had the faith in my clever boy, and in myself!

Outside the box

‘We have to turn our attention to Leo starting school’ said the speech therapist, I looked her straight in the eyes and said ‘That’s all that I have been thinking about. I just want to make sure that the support is in place should he need it.’ She glances at her sheet of paper with Leo’s notes and then says ‘I would like to recommend the pre-school forum, it’s not something you would personally need to attend, it’s basically where a number of health professional’s discuss a number of children who may benefit from extra support in school. How would you feel about that?’ I nodded and said ‘I am willing to do anything that will help Leo, so of course by all means’. ‘Great, well here is a leaflet explaining the forum in some more detail for you.’ Leo runs up and drops a toy car onto the table and the speech therapist observes him carefully. A number of questions follow… ‘Does Leo usually do as he’s told? Does he understand instruction? How does he play with other children? Is he learning at nursery? Is he well behaved?’

My answers seemed to fall on deaf ears, just as they always do in the company of our speech therapist when it comes to getting a word in edge ways... Leo has a perfect comprehension and understands everything that is asked of him. He does however have many excuses in the line-up if the instructions are something that he doesn’t want to do. I told them about how beautifully Leo had played with his friends on a recent weekend away, how they didn’t just play alongside one another, but actually played. I told them how he is always coming home and talking about what they have done at nursery that day, naming the children and that yes, he is learning! The speech therapist turned to the nursery leader, more interested in her response and everything I had said crashed and burned into a deep dark void. The session that she could have spent one to one with Leo and seen for herself exactly how much his speech had come along was lost to idle chit chat. With that she said ‘Thanks for coming in Laura’, and that drew, what I can only assume was our final speech therapy session to a close.

Leaving the meeting I began thinking about all the hoops that they want pre-school children jumping through before they are even 4 years old. I feel like it is one big circus act and until Leo walks that tight rope well-rehearsed enough to put on the show of his life, nothing is going to be good enough for any of them. With nurseries now being in line with Ofsted and the Early years Foundation, they have had to conform with their learning systems and uphold a certain standard, which of course means that the children have to get in line with what is being asked of them so that the standard’s don’t drop. The kids have to conform and make sure they are stood inside that box, because if they are out of it then you can expect to find yourself in meetings about your child’s development over the duration of your child’s nursery stint.

Leo is his own person, he loves to play with cars, trains and get outside in the fresh air. He doesn't like being taken away from his free play to sit in a circle with the other’s and sing nursery rhymes, but he does like singing along with chart music on the radio. Leo chats my ears off at home and asks ‘what are we doing today Mummy?’ but at school he seems to be shy and keeps himself to himself. Leo loves to cuddle up on the sofa at the end of the day with his blanket and his juice, and adores a bedtime story. He has the sweetest nature and biggest heart, he’s never any trouble at nursery and they all say how well behaved he is. If another child takes something off Leo he just stares at them in dis-belief, he doesn’t snatch it back, or lash out. He just looks hurt. So my beautiful Leo may be stood outside the box, and he may refuse to conform, but why should my 3 year old conform to anyone’s premeditated expectations? He has his entire life to be graded and tested, but right now he is a pre-schooler, and the only thing he should be conforming to is having a good time and learning through play.

It has been said by the nursery and the speech therapist, that it does seem to be that Leo just doesn’t want to conform. But there is a big difference between not wanting to, and not being able to, and if Leo wanted to he could. Just like his Mummy he is head strong and stubborn. If he doesn’t want to do something then there is an excuse at the ready and a pair of stubborn feet to dig into the ground. Apparently Leo and I are more alike than I ever did realise.

In my first year at school I didn’t conform either, I couldn’t read for that first year through either being let to fall through the cracks or laziness on my part. My parents actually moved my school through the worry that I wasn’t being taught everything I needed to know, and within weeks at being at the new school I was reading like I had always known how. I can actually remember learning to read, I remember the first time it just clicked in my head and the book I was reading ‘Winnie the Pooh and the blustery day’.

There is so much pressure on children to conform these days, but I couldn't be prouder of how far Leo has come along, in his own way at his very own pace. Learning cannot be forced, and it will happen in its own time, when they are ready. One day Leo will have to conform, just like I did. But I don’t feel that time is now,  he’s still so young, and while I know that he is absolutely fine, and coming along in his own time, I will make sure he has all the aids in case he needs them, but I will not let anyone make me worry about him, because I know him better than anyone and Leo is a bright, articulate little boy, who will do everything when he is good and ready.

That tight rope will just have to wait.

The Health Visitor Assessment

It was just last week I was sat here at this very computer and writing a post that was making my blood boil. Its' a post that I put off publishing, you see it was a post docuenting how I let down I felt by my health visitor following on from Leo's 2 and a half year check. It's a post that I have now posted alongside this one.. Because the contrast of feelings that I have felt change within this time frame are something that I never anticipated.

My health visitor turned my opinion of her completely upside down and she re-gained my trust once again, and in this moment right now... I am so thankful to her.

They say everything happens for a reason, and I have to say I am inclined to agree with them. It has been almost a year since I have had any form of contact from my health visitor despite multiple attempts of phoning her, leaving voicemail's in the hope that I could just speak to any member of their team and follow up THEIR concerns for my little man. No one ever returned my calls and not even a whisper was heard from them, until Granny was at the doctors earlier this week and just by chance ran into our health visitor.

Granny told our health visitor the struggles we have faced in the last year, some of which I haven't even posted on this here blog... Nursery reports putting Leo's speech and development 20 months below where he should be. Concerns over his general being in the social environment and hints and nudges that there may be something else underlying. Of course in my heart of hearts I had my own opinion, and I didn't share the same concerns as the nursery, and at this moment in time, the same concerns the health visitor had potentially shared back in January.

It turns out that our health visitor has been off on sick leave for a substantial amount of time, she hasn't been around. That doesn't excuse why another member of the team couldn't have responded to my calls and my messages. But it does explain the radio silence and lack of action that has been on the air waves...

The outcome from this chance meeting with the health visitor (who was now back at work full time) was that she felt awful for the last year. She had been told how let down I felt, basically how I had felt in the post I had written here. She juggled her schedule around and the very next day I spoke to her on the phone. We arranged a meeting for today (Monday 15th December 14) and she arrived at the house ready to make a referral based on everything that I had told her.

I wanted this referral. I really wanted it. I wanted to be put in front of a professional and be provided with answers that I felt were long over due. Was it just a speech delay? Or was it something more? Had I been walking around with my head in the sand all this time? Or was my gut instinct the right one?

 Leo and I had been sat on the sofa in silence before the health visitors arrival, I didn't want him engrossed in the television or tootling around the lounge with his favourite trains, I wanted him to to show his full attention so that the health visitor could get a real idea of his character and personality. The health visitor arrived armed with her suitcase, and a number of the objects and puzzles that I had watched Leo complete on his 2 and a half year assessment.

 I handed the health visitor the latest nursery report, and the report I had been handed by the lady from a local agency who had come in to observe Leo. She thanked me for these forms, and then told me that she wouldn't be looking at them until she had completed her assessment which I thought was a grand idea. 

For a little while she just sat and observed us, listened to Leo and I talking among ourselves and watched Leo as he played a magnetic fishing game. Leo wasn't phased by her presence in the room, and just carried on chatting away with me as he always would, and this pleased me greatly as it meant that she could hear first hand just how much his speech had come along. She could hear that he could hold a conversation.  

The health visitor had brought a copy of the first assessment that she had conducted back in January, and it was decided that we would focus on the parts of the form that she had labelled with a 'Q' for query. 

Leo was still happily playing his fishing game, but was easily persuaded to demonstrate his drawing skills. We found out the array of colourful crayons and asked him to find the red one, after he had done that and produced some beautiful markings we asked him to find a number of different colours in turn, and that's exactly what he did. The health visitor was pleased with his drawing, pen holding and colour knowledge which pleased me in turn.

As the assessment went on our health visitor surprised me. She told me she had absolutely no concerns. No concerns over his speech, she even went on to say that he was a right little chatter box and wasn't even really behind on that front any more. She told me that she wasn't going to be referring him because there was absolutely no need, and that the Pediatrician would laugh at her for putting Leo forward when he was quite obviously developing and happy.

Then she opened up the reports I had handed her, the one from the outside source that had come into nursery read that Leo didn't give eye contact. That he had poor facial expressions and was ultimately very behind. Her response? Well she pretty much said that they must have seen a different child that day, because the little boy she had just witnessed was switched on and alert.

Then she read the nursery report and was astounded at where they were placing Leo in his developments. In some areas they have Leo 20 months behind, and that is on the most recent report that I received this month. I have just accepted this as fact, everything following the 2 and half year check in January I have just accepted. The concerns, the worries, the urgency... It just seemed to be the path we were on and Leo was behind. Until today when the health visitor told me that Leo was perfectly normal. 

The health visitor told me that Leo is not behind at all, he is catching up and is actually operating in the capacity of a 4 and a half to 5 year old. She said that if the nursery are grading these reports as they are then there is something wrong, either Leo isn't as happy at the school as we think he is, he's shy, or the staff need further training. She made me promise that I wouldn't worry, that she is certain that he is just a normal 3 year old boy who is going to excel at school, he's just getting there in his own time.

Hearing all of this, all of this positivity from the lady who had first expressed her concerns 11 months ago was astounding. I was beaming from ear to ear. She was completely agreeing with me on every front, and my instinct had been the right one. I hadn't been walking around with my head stuck in the sand, I had been listening to my intuition, and it was the right one.

I had been so set on getting Leo the referral I didn't once for a second think that the health visitor was going to come in and go against everything that had initially been said, and against the reports of the nursery, and actually see Leo as I see him everyday.

It's been 11 months since Leo's 2 and a half year check, so much has happened in that time frame. He has grown and developed and done so much growing up. Yes I feel like someone on the health visitor team could have provided the courtesy of calling back and picking up our case, but ultimately Leo was fine just like I knew he would be. And in the end our health visitor came through and helped us.

For that I am very grateful.