Today you are 5

5 years ago tonight I was pacing the house. 

It was Sunday 26th June 2011, the day had been long and hot. I was just about to turn 39 weeks pregnant and my feet had ballooned into some sort of un-human form of trotters, and I was being summoned to see the midwife first thing Monday morning. 

Little did I know that the pacing I was performing throughout the night was paving the way to the arrival of the most amazing little boy I could have possibly imagined. It seems impossible to even fathom that 5 years have past, and 5 years ago to the day that I walked the halls before finally heading to hospital around 8am to meet the absolute love of my life. 

Tomorrow my little super star turns 5.

5 years have molded the most caring, funny and clever little boy. Leo's personality boasts the most amazing sense of humour that often see's me falling about laughing, sometimes so hard that the tears fall down my cheek. He's sarcastic, cheeky and down right mischievous. and I wouldn't have him any other way.

Over the years we have weathered storms and embarked on adventure that I have loved sharing with you all on this here blog. We have grown together and become this super team. He knows that he is my entire world, and he knows that there is nothing I would not do for him. Leo is my number one, and I have loved watching him grow into the boy that stands before me today. 

They say time flies when your having fun, and if there is one word that wraps up the years that have past since Leo's arrival it has to be that. Fun. Of course it has been so much more than that though, because we have both grown, both evolved. Both adapted to find our place in this crazy, beautiful world. Sometimes the world spins so fast that it's hard to hold onto, but somehow no matter how fast the world has twirled and whirled, we are still here, were still smiling. 

Were still strong.

Tonight as I tooked my 4 year old into bed for the final time, I looked at him. His long hair brushing his face before I brushed it back revealing his beautiful blue eyes. 'I love you to the moon and back' I said as I stood there just looking at him, memorising every detail on his ever changing face. 'I love you to the moon and back too Mumma!' he replied. 

'One more sleep until your birthday little man!' 

'It's taking for ages Mumma! I want to be 5 like my friends!'

'Don't wish your life away baby boy, you will be 5 before you know it'.

While my soon to be 5 year old can't wait to grow up, I just wish I could freeze time. To keep my beautiful innocent boy and keep him all to myself. Leo is growing up, right before my eyes he's growing up.

5 years ago tonight I paced the house awaiting the arrival of a baby boy, and tonight I sit at the laptop looking back over an incredible half a decade. 5 years of love, 5 years that have been cherished and lived to the full. 5 years of being a Mother to my little man.

Tomorrow you are 5 Leo, so dream big and sleep tight, because you just wait to see how amazing your next 5 years are going to be! I have big plans for us, and I hope you know just how loved you really are.

Happy Birthday beautiful boy, I am so incredibly proud of you in everything you say, everything that you do. Keep shining bright my boy and there is absolutely nothing you cannot achieve. 

I Always Knew You Would Be Trouble

Ever since you came along little man, you have enabled me to find new ways to get myself in trouble. When I say enabled me... I mean YOU. To explain what I mean by this I am going to have to share a few of the most recent stories, and when I say stories... I mean recent events. Events that have taken place. Situations that YOU have orchestrated. 

Over the May half term we spent the week in Crete, it was a holiday we had all been really looking forward to. A chance to unwind and push aside the mundane responsibilities of everyday life. It meant a week of no school, no pulling our hair out over getting out of the house on time, or trying to coerce you into reading (in other words attempting to get blood to come out of a stone!). It was a week spent by the pool with lots of laughter. 

Of course it wasn't all that straight cut little Leo, I mean we both know that without a little drama we would have been in for a very boring week. The first spout of drama came in the form of Mummy (and yourself Leo) forgetting your rather famous comfort blanket and new little friend Sheep. The moment of realisation struck like a bolt of lightening as we drove out of Worcestershire. I knew I had to tell you before you asked for it later that day, I knew you were going to be angry, but being upfront and honest with you was definitely the right thing to do. Suffice to say you were angry. Very angry. So angry in fact that you refused to talk to me for the entire hour and a half ride to the airport, you couldn't even bring yourself to look at me! However when that was behind us, you were so grown up about the entire situation, and you went the whole week without both of your comforters for the first time in history! 

You were so well behaved for the entirety of the flight, you shone so bright on the transfer to the hotel, and you were an absolute joy to be around. Everyone thought so, in fact even when you were being mischievous you were far from naughty. This brings me to the story I wanted to tell you, we had just finished dinner, and as always you and Josh had hopped up as soon as you had finished and headed straight out to the park. It was no problem, we could see you the entire time. I followed you out as we were all planning on taking a stroll down to the beach front to take in some fresh air. 

The hotel was situated on a rather large slope, and parked on that slope were 2 or 3 golf buggies. The hotel used them to get loads around the many different rooms you see. Of course to two little boys (of course I mean yourself and Josh little man..) this was the greatest thing in the entire world. I mean there was nothing stopping either of you climbing inside...

So there you both were, you in the front and Josh in the back. I stood there and watched you both pretending to drive the carts around the establishment. Suddenly I heard a loud *CLICK* and watched as you removed your hand off the hand break. It was as though everything suddenly transformed into slow motion. The cart veered backwards and before I knew what I was doing. I had assembled the superhero positon and had automatically grabbed hold of the golf buggy to stop it verandaring off down the slope!

In hind sight I didn't know whether or not I could hold the cart. It could have just as easily knocked me flying. We were very lucky, and I was so glad I could hold the cart into position and instruct you both to hop back out. It all happened so quickly, and you were both out and on solid ground again in a matter of seconds. I however was still stood in a squat like position with both arms supporting the runaway golf cart. I was there until Heather saw the commotion from the top of the hill, she bounded down and I told her that she needed to pop the handbrake back into position as I could't move until it was secured again.

Both of you boys thought you were going to be in big trouble, but it really was just a silly mistake, and really these things should have been locked up in the first place. Once everyone was safe and the cart was secure, I couldn't help but chuckle about the ordeal. I couldn't have even written it if I had tried. and what a story for your 18th birthday... That time you and your nephew tried to steal a golf cart. 

Although you have informed me that you weren't trying to steal it. You only wanted to borrow it for a ride, and you had fully intended to return it...

I couldn't help smile about your mischievous adventure that evening, and when I called Daddy that night to tell him what you had been up to that day, you couldn't ignore the chuckle that ensued down the phone. You could almost hear the Cheshire cat smile that I could in-vision spreading over the whole of his face and making his eyes twinkle. 

There is absolutely no mistaking who's son you are little man, I know for a fact that Daddy was just like you back in the day. 

I always knew you were going to be trouble.

A big ball of squishy beautiful trouble.

Birthday Planning for a 5 Year Old

I have been so behind in getting everything I want to say about Leo over these last few months, and this is something that I will be changing. We have so much going on right now, and it is all definitely something that I want and will document, but that will have to wait for another post. For now though I want to focus on an exciting event that is taking place next month, Leo turns FIVE! 

Yes FIVE!

It's been Five years of firsts for both Leo and I, we have had some incredible moments, and we have had some equally trying moments, but when I look back at everything we have done, everything that we have achieved and everything that is yet to come, I feel an intense sense of pride. Leo has over come so many hurdles that have been lay in the path before him, and even when he has stumbled, he has always, always got back up on his feet again.

With Leo turning Five, I really want to give him an incredibly special day this year. This will be the first time I have ever thrown him a party, but with it being his first year of school and the first year he has really actually asked for a Birthday Party, I am determined to give that to him.

This year Leo's Birthday falls on a Monday, which means he will be at school. It will be hard not having him with me on that day, but what I plan on doing is organizing his party for Sunday the 26th June so that we get to celebrate as close to his actual big day as we can. In fact the more I think about it, the more I think that we will just celebrate his birthday a day earlier this year. There will be friends, yummy food and all of his friends. I will have all of his gifts ready for him to open and enjoy too. This way it means he gets to enjoy everything without having to wait until he get's home from school on the Monday. 

I am looking to book the local leisure centre's soft play area and get all of Leo's friends to come along for an afternoon of fun. I have never entertained so many children before, so this is going to be an occasion that really puts me to the test! Think party games and ample disposable supplies so that I can literally bag everything up and bin it at the end of the party! You see there was a method to not having the party at home!

Leo has set his heart on a Bowser Castle Cake, and as I look at the Pinterest inspiration I have been busy pinning, I can already envision myself having a melt down over the icing. That being said though, last year when Leo asked for a Mario Kart 8 cake, I spent hours the day before getting it all together for him, and when he laid eyes on it the next day, his reaction melted away all of the frustration I had in making it. In fact hearing the excitement flicker across his face and light up those sparkly eyes of his, I could have cried with pride. He was so pleased with that cake, that he didn't even care about presents. He thought the cake was his gift! 

All he has asked for this year is his party and his Bowser Castle Cake, so I will be pulling out all of the stops to make this all happen for him, and I will have to get creative in what I get for his main present this year, as he genuinely has not asked for anything.

I just want to give Leo a special day, a day that celebrates him. A day where there's no school, stress or anything like that. Just a day of smiles, laughter and love that celebrates Leo turning 5 years old.

The one where Leo goes full time at school

Leo has always marched to the beat of his own drum, there's a steady rhythm and his song plays loud for all to hear. It's not the typical chart music that gets over played and annoying, it's cosmic, bouncy and peaceful all at the same time, just like him. 

I knew that starting school was going to shake everything up, I knew it was going to be tiring for him. I knew that it was going to be hard, and throughout it all he has been so big and so brave. First days are always daunting and whether we care to admit it or not, they don't ever get any easier as the years roll by. 

We are into our second week now and Leo's steady drum continues to beat, he gets up each morning and I help him get ready for the day ahead. We have breakfast and slowly but surely we are getting there, getting ready to drive the short drive to school. As the days have gone by, Leo seems to have gotten more worried about going into school, he wants more cuddles, more kisses and he doesn't want me to leave. 50 hugs and kisses later he finally goes into his class room, sometimes there's tears, sometimes he's absolutely fine. He proclaims he's tired to the teacher as soon as we see her, and I know that tactic. That tactic is so that he can try and wiggle his way out of doing things, he tried this at nursery and for a long time really pulled the wool over everybody's eyes. Everybody except me of course. I know that little man of mine, and I know that he went to bed before 7pm the night before and slept like a log. 

I know that as soon as he get's through the door of his classroom and I am out of sight that he will be absolutely fine. 

I have been getting to school earlier so I can watch him play from the roadside, I can't help but be curious to what he get's up to when he is at school. When he is outside playing, witnessing how he plays with the other children, how he smiles, how he laughs. For the first week and a bit each time I arrived he was stood among the children, he looked a little lost and was holding onto the rope of the play castle that stands in the reception play ground. I edged closer, and finally walked into the playground to let him know I was there and it was time to come home. That's when he turned on his heels and walked away, back towards the play castle to hide. It was as though he was angry at me for leaving him, and I just wanted to scoop  him up and give him a cuddle.

That's how the first week went really. Leo was absolutely fine within minutes of me collecting him, and I worried that this may progress into something more. I watched as the other children were exstactic to see their parents, running towards them and throwing their arms around them, and there was Leo walking away from me as fast as he possibly could. Thankfully this week has been a turning point, and on Tuesday when I rolled up at 1pm to collect him, he saw me. Beamed a beautiful smile and shouted 'Mummy!!' and ran towards me for a mammoth of a cuddle. The first thing he told me was that school had given him Broccoli for lunch that day, and it was disgusting! 

Yesterday's collection was just as happy, and I picked up my happy boy from school to bring him back home again.

Today has been Leo's very first FULL day at school. I expect to pick up one very tired little man with a mood to match, but I am sure that underneath the sleepy eyes and busy day, he will still be marching to the beat of his own drum.

New school, new dreams, new room

Letting go of our kid’s hands as they start a new school can be a tough moment as a parent. It’s a time you have to be cruel to be kind, before they get used to this new environment.

Change is hard for even the most experienced of us, so I can only imagine what’s going on in those tiny little heads across the country as they take their first steps into the world of education. It’s a scary thing, but maybe there are a few ways to make change more acceptable.

One way I’ve been thinking about making the idea of school and change more appealing is to do a spot of redecorating. Create a place from your child’s room that is exciting and filled with all the new dreams and ambitions that school can bring.

These are my recommendations:

Do it together

When so much of our lives and our kid’s lives will now be spent at work or at school, it’s more important than ever to do activities together. Plus this is a perfect opportunity to help your child understand that change can be good and new experiences can be wonderful. Make it a fun and exciting activity for everyone.

Go beyond the limits

Involve your child as much as you can in the decorating process, from the choosing, the preparing and the actual decorating. This may seem daunting, but this is a test for you to. You need to start letting your child express themselves, push the limits and be independent. This is a terrifying thing for most mums, I know. When time goes so quickly you just want to bundle them up and keep them your baby forever. But let them be creative and independent, at least just in their own room. This means even letting them choose those clashing colours and patterns if they like.

Reflect their dreams

Education is a time when you start developing your hopes, dreams and ambitions. Yes they might change from year to year, but it’s so important to support these dreams each time. Your kid’s room is the perfect place to support these. I’m thinking wallpaper could be the best way to get across this is a fun way. Just looking through some of the designs in Dulux Decorator Centre’s children’s range, you could express anything from travel, engineering and science.

Rest and relax

The school day is so tiring for little ones, there’s no denying that. So, not only must their room be a fun place to be, it must also be a place to rest and recharge in comfort. Let it inspire a blissful sleep and happy dreams, ready to wake up refreshed and raring to go in the morning.

Make it last

Lastly, with all this fun and fantastical decoration, don’t forget to make the room practical. I wouldn’t want to go through all this work, only for the paint to flake off or dirty marks to spoil the look. Looking through some of my options for painting, there are certain paints that are designed to be hard wearing and durable such as Dulux Trade Diamond Matt, no matter how many little sticky fingers it ensures.

Now go out and create an amazing place with your child. Doing something fun like this will hopefully make going to school and leaving their mummy or daddy behind a little less frightening for your little one.

So good luck and keep your head up as you send your boys and girls of to the big wide world of education.

The first week of school

A week ago today I dropped you off for your very first day of school. I held your hand as we walked into your class room, and as the other parent's started to leave, you tentatively began to release your grip. You pulled me in for a hug, and then another, and then another after that. Your nerves showing through, your uncertainty for what was coming ahead in that very first day.

You were absolutely fine just like I knew you would be. When I came to pick you up you saw me and shot me a look, a look as if to say 'how dare you leave me here'. You were playing in the little wooden castle in the reception play ground. You hid behind a wall until I came to find you, while all of the other children threw their arms around their parents, you seemed angry at me, I had come to pick you up just as I had promised, I swept you off to McDonald's for a first day treat just as I had promised..But the story has been the same each day since then. You see me and march off with thunder in your eyes, as soon as I get you back to the class room to collect your things you are absolutely fine again, but that initial meeting after I arrive isn't quite where it should be yet.

School has completely tired you out and for the first week and a half you are only part time, I don't quite know how you are going to take to full time school hours just yet, but your teacher has been very supportive of this. She has told me that I can come in and get you if you get that little bit to sleepy, you have only just turned four in the last 12 weeks, so in comparison to some seasoned 4 year old's there is quite an age gap. 

I have been really lucky in the respect that for the first time ever, I am the one who is taking you to and from school. I am a school run Mum! I am really enjoying this as it's something that I never thought that I would get the opportunity to do for you, not consistently day in and out anyway. I am mingling with other Mum's, making friends and have a fighting chance of getting to know exactly who you are talking about, and it's a super feeling. 

When the bell rings you launch yourself at me, you give me a big hug and a kiss. I hold you tight and tell you to have a super day. You take your book bag and your water bottle and direct yourself towards your teacher. As you make your way into the courtyard by the classroom your lip starts to quiver. You stand still, you want another kiss, and another cuddle. I pop in and give you the reassurance that you need. There was one day last week where you went straight in and didn't back track for the additional love, but each other day it has been something that has eased you in.  

The afternoon's after school are what I am struggling with, it's been difficult because you are so tired. Really I know that you could do with a sleep and some quiet time, but I am in two mind's about giving you the luxury of an afternoon sleep simply because come Thursday you will be in school until 3pm, and it seems cruel to let you nap (even if you really don't want too) only for the end of the week to rock around and that option no longer be there..

I know it's a learning curve for both of us, I have always said that. I know it's an even bigger learning curve for you and I have to be patient, and I know at times I struggle with the patience side. I don't mean to get frustrated, but sometimes your bad mood get's under my skin and I just don't know what to do with you. It doesn't mean I love you any less. it just means that I am only human, and we could both benefit from some quiet time snuggled up with a movie and some popcorn. 

As a treat in the next few weeks to celebrate your new school, I am going to whisk you away to the beach. Now the weather is getting cooler I cannot think of anything better than putting on our coats, and our wellies and taking a trip to the seaside just the two of us. It's something that I have never had the courage to do with you before because I am such a scaredy cat when it comes to the motorway, but suddenly it doesn't seem quite so scary any more. It was only the other week that you became my very first solo motorway passenger as we whisked ourselves off to Drayton Manor for a few hours of fun.

School may seem big and scary at times, but you are navigating it in your own way and in your own time. You have an amazing support network and they have told me that your absolutely fine when I am not there, so I can only hope that soon when I come to collect you, you will be happy to see me.

But this is just the very first week, and you are settling in so well.

Well done beautiful boy x

Brantano have put together a series of fun infographics in honour of the children starting school this month. They have hit little man's school uniform on the head, and it is suffice to say that he is looking incredibly smart.

Leo Starts School

Times are fleeting, years pass, people grow. I have always been aware of these things. It's just life. Last night I knowingly tucked my little man into bed and snuggled him down, I knew that this was the last night like this...Ever.

The last night I would ever do this for my pre-schooler anyway..

Today my not so little Leo awoke bright and early for his very first day at school. He was up and about before the alarm had even gone off, raring to get ready. His excitement was contagious as he wolfed down his Weetos and second helping of toast. He was eager to get his shiny new school uniform on, but I had decided this would have to wait until breakfast was completely cleared away to at least prevent any stained clothes before he even arrived at school...

I lay out his uniform, it was all so new and inviting and I cast my mind back to my first day at school all of those years ago. It was no wonder he was bouncing off the walls with the utter most of excitement. 

Leo stood before me completely kitted out in his new school uniform, and right before my eyes he grew. He grew tenfold within a few seconds of slipping into the attire that he will proudly wear for the next 6 years of his life. It was like he aged physically and emotionally at the same time, he looked older and suddenly, he sounded older, so much wiser than his 4 years.

As he pranced around the room telling me how much he loved his uniform, I couldn't help but smile. I had never seen him so made up with an outfit before, and I think he realised right there and then that he really was growing up. He declared his love for his 'strong trousers' and his 'big boy shoes' and we made our way out of the door (of course not before an impromptu photo shoot!)

We arrived at school and he bounced instead of walked. He skipped and he hopped, the excitement igniting in his eyes sparkling brighter and brighter as we made our way through the school gates for his very first day. 

I had been a little surprised at how excited Leo was by the entire affair after he had spent all summer telling me how he wasn't going to be going to school. He didn't seem nervous, not at all, not even a little bit. I suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of pride. It had only been months before that people were concerned about how Leo may not be ready for school. 

Now just look at him.

Look at him proving them all wrong and excelling.

Look at him.

The bell rang and children began to conform to instructions as the teacher arrived in the play ground. A lovely lady who I knew was going to teach and care for my special boy. A lady that he was already looking up to and respecting. 

Leo held my hand and we walked into his classroom, where there were children with a mixture of reactions to the special day. Some children cried, some parents cried, some laughed and played. It was a real mixture of emotions for everyone and at times it didn't feel real. 

There were no tears from Leo, he handed in his book bag, put away his lunch box and made his way to the train box (of course he did!). It was here that I pulled him in and gave him the biggest hug. Wished him an amazing first day and told him that I would be back to collect him in a few hours, and that we would head over to McDonald's for a first day treat when he finished.

With that he pulled me back in for a bigger hug and I made my way out of the door, glancing back over my shoulder I saw just how grown up my baby boy had become.

The hours flew by and before I knew it I was back at the gates collecting my big boy after his very first day. I walked slowly into the playground trying to source where my little man was in the crowd of children all running around in identical outfits. I couldn't see him straight away, and then I saw him stood perplexed, staring right at me. His little bottom lip quivering. I am pretty certain that it was only because he saw me and was exhausted after such an exhilarating day, now more than ready to come home.

He did declare that he wasn't going to be back again tomorrow...But I am sure that he will be absolutely fine. 

Of course now it begins, I ask how his day was and I don't get a response. He looks at me and doesn't want to talk about the busy day that we both know that he has had, but what he has learned remains a mystery. 

Tonight we settled down into bed and we read the book 'Can I play in the Mud' that had been sent home from school, and I tucked in my school boy ready for another busy day tomorrow.

Welcome to the school years. 

Where has the time gone?

The one with the leavers assembly

It's been a funny old year, one that has involved speech therapy, development concerns from outside elements and then watching as Leo came along in leaps and bounds, entirely in his own time. 

At the end of July Leo finished his time at nursery, a coming of age moment. A day that was both sad and exciting, a day full of smiles and memories that we will always treasure. We had been invited along to the school that Leo will be attending in a matter of weeks, an assembly had been put together by the nursery as it is set within the school premises. 

I love that the school and nursery is attached, it has helped make this massive transition so much easier, and Leo doesn't seem to have any concerns over the next chapter of his life. We weren't certain we were going to be able to attend the assembly as Leo had been poorly just after arriving at nursery the day before, and of course there is a 48 hour period after a child has last been sick before they can return to the school environment. To say I was disappointed was a massive understatement to say the least. I wanted Leo to experience this, because in the years to come he is going to look back on the photos and the memories of that day, he will see how much the children have grown, how he has changed and evolved. I wanted him to have that because I don't. 

I moved around as a child, so the children I attended nursery with, the children I first went to school with, they are all strangers to me. High School however is a different story, and over 10 years since leaving, I am still friendly and still see many of them. I was always a little envious of the children who knew each other from those very early days, and when a Facebook photo appeared in my timeline I would always look for me, only to discover that it was before we moved here. I wanted Leo to be one of the children who was in those memories.

Nursery cleared us to come in for the half hour assembly as Leo wasn't under the weather and hadn't been sick again. I was over the moon, I was going to get to see everything that Leo had done and put together.

They sang songs and danced about, Leo looked a little un-sure but he joined in. A far cry from the child he once was where he refused to do anything like that (just like his Mummy!). It was so amazing to watch him, this little person who was now stepping outside his comfort zone. Outside that box he had once been so firmly placed in and joining in. I sat there beaming from ear to ear the entire time, and that smile only got bigger when he was asked to stand up and announce to the entire audience of parents what he wanted to be when he was older. He took the picture he had painted, that was actually really well put together. That along with him announcing 'I want to be a race car driver' Just made my beaming smile grow ten fold.

The nursery leaders awarded all the children with their own individual awards, and it made me really appreciative to just how well these amazing ladies actually knew all of the children within their care. There were awards for who was most likely to be famous, most likely to be a singer, most happy all of the time... And I already knew what Leo's was going to be before they even called his name out. Leo was awarded the train award, for being the little boy who is ALWAYS found to be playing with trains. I had to giggle at the fact they had actually ran with this, when once upon a time they were concerned about Leo's love (or obsession) with the objects... But a long with everyone else they have seen that Leo is just a little boy who likes to accomplish things at his own pace, and in his own time. Leo is just a little boy with a big love for trains, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

The nursery wrapped up the very special assembly and invited parents to try the food served in the school hall that the children had the option to have from September. Boy have school meals come on a lot since my day, and I think it's going to be a great way of broadening Leo's taste palette.

We collected Leo's school bag with a number of goodies inside, and that was the start of the summer holiday's. 

I cannot believe that in a matter of a few weeks, my little boy will be starting school.

When you believe

Although there are many hand books available for purchase to walk you through the first weeks..Months and early years of your child's life. Nothing can ever really prepare you for all that there is to come. Those books are guidelines, mere text on paper, which is great should you have a text book baby, a text book toddler, a perfectly 'normal' pre-schooler. We all know that it's not that straight cut, babies, toddlers, children, no two are ever alike. They are all individuals weaving their way on their very own path, but they will all get where there supposed to go, in their own good sweet time.

If you have followed my journey with Leo over the past 17 months or so, you will know that we have had a bit of a bumpy ride. After being let down by our health visitor, and having to watch on as Leo was scored way below where he 'should' be on his development time after time, I got to the point where I expected to hear negativity in every direction, everyone seemed to have concerns, but nothing positive to say? Was there something underlying with my beautiful boy? Was I being naive? Should I stick to my guns? Of course I knew that everyone just wanted the best for Leo, just as I did. I happily accepted all the help offered to me and of course to Leo. I attended sensory play, speech therapy, nursery appointments, before the health visitor finally met with Leo again.

That appointment completely blew my mind, I really thought that we were going to get referred to the pediatrician, in fact I wanted to be referred. We could finally get one over all opinion and some answers, maybe some proper support to help Leo should he need it. The health visitor sat with us and decided there and then that Leo was absolutely fine, which in my heart of hearts I had known all along. Of course with that resounding declaration from the health visitor, there were now conflicting opinions rocking the boat, yet again. I had nursery telling me that Leo was severely behind and actually at the development level of a 22-36 month old, and the health visitor was adament that Leo performed exactly where he should be and beyond, actually placing him between the level of 4-5 years old.. 

While concern after concern for his speech was being raised, and the little boy I could see shining brightly on a daily basis wasn't being recognized in the nursery setting but was coming along all the time in my company, I couldn't understand how no one else could see it. How no one could see him learning and absorbing everything around him, a little sponge in this big wide world. I decided a long time ago to throw caution to the wind, to accept every bit of advice that was made available to us, but to trust my instinct. It may sound crazy, but I didn't worry about Leo. I had every faith in him finding his way, finding his voice and his confidence. You can't rush a child, I knew this, how didn't anyone else? So he didn't speak as well as Joe Blogs!? So he was quiet and reserved? Does that mean we have to pin a label on him?

Flash forward to today...

Today was Leo's second parent's evening. I went straight from work, and you know what? I was ready to hear all about the things Leo wasn't doing. I was mentally ready to look at that development sheet and see where Leo was...and where he 'should' be. To hear the worries about Leo starting school in September.. Only... This evening was the most positive feedback I have received from nursery in the history of Leo's time there.

He counts, recites his days of the week (over and over again!), joins in, dresses himself (at school anyway!), Sings NURSERY Rhymes (The boy that never did!), Asks questions, has many friends, talks with peers, initiates games... Not one negative item of feedback. All glowing, all singing all dancing! 

Leo got there. He GOT THERE! 

I was balled over. Knocked for six. Proud! 

So very proud. 

I have always been proud. Every milestone, bump in the road, smile and tear. This is his path, his time and there is no expiration date on learning. I have kept my cool and somehow my hair throughout this entire ordeal. I have watched Leo learn new words, try new experiences and come on all the time. 

Then one day his confidence just exploded. Out of nowhere, that beautiful boy of mine suddenly had the get up and go that had lay in hibernation until he was ready. Now he is un-stoppable, his vocabulary is widening all the time, oh the things we talk about. He may just be the only 3 year old who asks for a Costa Babycino and puts up the perfect argument as to why he NEEDS one. 

I can honestly say that tonight I sit here and write this post with an unbelievable pride, A pride that only comes when the battle is won, or at least when the waters calm and you can see through the storm to the reality of what you believed all along. That existence for me is that Leo was learning in his own good sweet time, and now he is picking up momentum, the cogs were always turning but suddenly the pace is gaining speed. There's a hunger to be filled, a curiosity that is propelling him forward, and I have been a part of it all. I believed in him, and I believed in myself, my instinct as his Mum. 

Guidelines... PAH! Guidelines are exactly that...Guidelines! That line they draw that your child is above or below doesn't exist. Every child is different. They learn when they are good and ready. 

I am so glad that I had the faith in my clever boy, and in myself!

The Imminent School Days

 

4 years ago I was pregnant. I was expecting a bouncing baby boy, and the weeks were flying by as I busied myself with everything I had to buy for the arrival of my teeny tiny newborn. Time was a blur, but I told myself that once he was here, I would have chance to catch my breath and the whirlwind in which I was circling around in would relent and time would stand still.

 

Of course Leo arrived and time did everything but slow down. Week by week he grew, he started to smile, laugh and become his own little person. He captured my heart and became my very reason for living. I dedicated all that I am to my mischievous and beautiful boy, and as the weeks turned into months, and the months turned into years, the time never did relent.

 

Leo started nursery and slowly but surely settled in, we encountered hurdles along the way but together we over came everything that tried to stop us in our tracks. We spent days together enjoying all that we were, he had become my right arm and my very best friend. The months continued to fly by and before I knew it I had a 3 year old on my hands. An actual 3 year old who was now more a pre-schooler than a toddler, and those baby days and night feeds were now just a distant memory.

 

Suddenly the time had come to start thinking about SCHOOLS! Yes schools! Somehow that little boy I had cradled in my arms, lay on my chest and burped on my lap was at the age I needed to relinquish him to outside teaching and experiences that I couldn't always be a part of. 

 

I knew exactly where I wanted Leo to go, and as the nursery he attends is based in the school grounds, I was determined that he would be attending. It's a beautiful village school and having been there myself back in the day, and having some of the very same teachers still teaching there that taught me, I knew many years ago where I wanted him to take those very first steps into education.

 

 

Of course when these applications went in, September 2015 still seemed to be so far away, a sun blazing on the very tip of the horizon, and not an imminent sunrise about to fire into the sky. But here we are in April, 4 and a bit months away to when my newly 4 year old will be starting his very first day in Reception at First School.

 

Last night at midnight I sat there refreshing the applications page, impatiently waiting to see if Leo had been offered a place at our school of choice. Midnight arrived and suddenly there was confirmation that Leo had indeed been granted a place at school for this coming September. It was all really happening.

 

I have such mixed feelings about Leo starting school, part of my thinks that it is going to do him the world of good, and the other half thinks that he is still so young and that he really will be one of the youngest in his year. Being a June baby he is at the younger end of the year, and even now there is a big difference between his over all appearance to some of the older children that are nearing the age of 5. Then I shake myself and realise that he is going to be absolutely fine, he's resilient and strong. Nothing is going to stop him or hold him back. I won't let it.

 

 

My biggest fear is handing over my baby boy on that very first day. Watching him walk into the classroom in his school uniform and leaving him in a class of 30 children, because once that has happened everything is going to change forever. What if someone is mean to him? What if he falls and needs me? What if he doesn't like it? What if he is bullied? What if he falls behind? There are so many 'what if's' buzzing around my head...

 

Once Leo has started school, he is going to grow up so quickly. He will learn new words, new meanings, life lessons. He will have outside influences that were never there before, he will grow up ten fold in a few short weeks. He will learn amazing things and some not so amazing things, and the next four years are going to be completely different to our first. It will never be the same... ever again. No longer will we have our exclusive Mummy and Leo time, days spent in the park and strolling around the town just the two of us, sipping Costa's by the river.

 

He will be at school.

 

 

These last 4 years have just completely flown. They have been the most amazing, exhilarating and emotional years of my life. Leo has learnt and grown so much, and I really do have to accept that my baby boy has grown up into a beautiful and kind little boy, and he is going to achieve so many amazing things over the coming years. It has been a learning curve for both Leo and I, because just as much as he has been learning about the ways of the world, I have had to learn about him, and being a Mum! I have made mistakes and I am by no means perfect, but when I look at Leo and his smiling Blue eyes, I know I got something right. I got him right.

 

In September I will be placing my trust in the hands of his teacher, I will be watching him take a step back from me and a step towards her. I myself will be taking a reluctant step back as he grows up a little bit more right in front of my eyes, and accepting that time will never slow down. It will only hurtle on, and our worlds are going to change forever.