Outside the box

‘We have to turn our attention to Leo starting school’ said the speech therapist, I looked her straight in the eyes and said ‘That’s all that I have been thinking about. I just want to make sure that the support is in place should he need it.’ She glances at her sheet of paper with Leo’s notes and then says ‘I would like to recommend the pre-school forum, it’s not something you would personally need to attend, it’s basically where a number of health professional’s discuss a number of children who may benefit from extra support in school. How would you feel about that?’ I nodded and said ‘I am willing to do anything that will help Leo, so of course by all means’. ‘Great, well here is a leaflet explaining the forum in some more detail for you.’ Leo runs up and drops a toy car onto the table and the speech therapist observes him carefully. A number of questions follow… ‘Does Leo usually do as he’s told? Does he understand instruction? How does he play with other children? Is he learning at nursery? Is he well behaved?’

My answers seemed to fall on deaf ears, just as they always do in the company of our speech therapist when it comes to getting a word in edge ways... Leo has a perfect comprehension and understands everything that is asked of him. He does however have many excuses in the line-up if the instructions are something that he doesn’t want to do. I told them about how beautifully Leo had played with his friends on a recent weekend away, how they didn’t just play alongside one another, but actually played. I told them how he is always coming home and talking about what they have done at nursery that day, naming the children and that yes, he is learning! The speech therapist turned to the nursery leader, more interested in her response and everything I had said crashed and burned into a deep dark void. The session that she could have spent one to one with Leo and seen for herself exactly how much his speech had come along was lost to idle chit chat. With that she said ‘Thanks for coming in Laura’, and that drew, what I can only assume was our final speech therapy session to a close.

Leaving the meeting I began thinking about all the hoops that they want pre-school children jumping through before they are even 4 years old. I feel like it is one big circus act and until Leo walks that tight rope well-rehearsed enough to put on the show of his life, nothing is going to be good enough for any of them. With nurseries now being in line with Ofsted and the Early years Foundation, they have had to conform with their learning systems and uphold a certain standard, which of course means that the children have to get in line with what is being asked of them so that the standard’s don’t drop. The kids have to conform and make sure they are stood inside that box, because if they are out of it then you can expect to find yourself in meetings about your child’s development over the duration of your child’s nursery stint.

Leo is his own person, he loves to play with cars, trains and get outside in the fresh air. He doesn't like being taken away from his free play to sit in a circle with the other’s and sing nursery rhymes, but he does like singing along with chart music on the radio. Leo chats my ears off at home and asks ‘what are we doing today Mummy?’ but at school he seems to be shy and keeps himself to himself. Leo loves to cuddle up on the sofa at the end of the day with his blanket and his juice, and adores a bedtime story. He has the sweetest nature and biggest heart, he’s never any trouble at nursery and they all say how well behaved he is. If another child takes something off Leo he just stares at them in dis-belief, he doesn’t snatch it back, or lash out. He just looks hurt. So my beautiful Leo may be stood outside the box, and he may refuse to conform, but why should my 3 year old conform to anyone’s premeditated expectations? He has his entire life to be graded and tested, but right now he is a pre-schooler, and the only thing he should be conforming to is having a good time and learning through play.

It has been said by the nursery and the speech therapist, that it does seem to be that Leo just doesn’t want to conform. But there is a big difference between not wanting to, and not being able to, and if Leo wanted to he could. Just like his Mummy he is head strong and stubborn. If he doesn’t want to do something then there is an excuse at the ready and a pair of stubborn feet to dig into the ground. Apparently Leo and I are more alike than I ever did realise.

In my first year at school I didn’t conform either, I couldn’t read for that first year through either being let to fall through the cracks or laziness on my part. My parents actually moved my school through the worry that I wasn’t being taught everything I needed to know, and within weeks at being at the new school I was reading like I had always known how. I can actually remember learning to read, I remember the first time it just clicked in my head and the book I was reading ‘Winnie the Pooh and the blustery day’.

There is so much pressure on children to conform these days, but I couldn't be prouder of how far Leo has come along, in his own way at his very own pace. Learning cannot be forced, and it will happen in its own time, when they are ready. One day Leo will have to conform, just like I did. But I don’t feel that time is now,  he’s still so young, and while I know that he is absolutely fine, and coming along in his own time, I will make sure he has all the aids in case he needs them, but I will not let anyone make me worry about him, because I know him better than anyone and Leo is a bright, articulate little boy, who will do everything when he is good and ready.

That tight rope will just have to wait.

The Second Nursery Meeting

It has been a year since Leo started nursery, and in that year my little man has done so much growing up. You can see it in the way he conducts himself, to how he handles situations that present themselves to him, and in that short year he has transformed from my toddler into a little boy, a preschooler.

This last year has been one where I seemingly have to fight his corner and speak for him to the many people who are putting him behind where he should be. It is no secret that I have been fighting a losing battle since Leo’s 2 and a half year check, with conflicting opinions from various people, and no one really offering me a direct avenue to explore. I have fought for Leo to have his eyes and hearing tested, and pushed him into every appointment I possibly could in order to get to the bottom of the concerns expressed to me, because although I don’t share these concerns I have to action them.

The nursery have Leo 20 months behind developmentally in terms of his speech and how he conducts himself with other children, speech therapy have a variating opinion of their own,  the GP says he’s absolutely fine, the health visitor now puts him between 4 and a half to 5 years of age…So you can see why I have been at a loss with who to listen to. I am going with what the health visitor has said, because she saw Leo exactly like I do, although there are still people who don’t agree with her assessment.

Since I shared the results of Leo’s health visitor assessment with the nursery, I could see that they didn’t agree with it. Obviously if nursery still have concerns I want them to do everything possible for him, so I am pleased that our nursery leader called up our health visitor for a chat, I am again pleased that our health visitor confirmed her assessment first hand. They talked about why Leo could be measuring so drastically in comparison to the health visitors report, and avenues were discussed. The health visitor is adamant that Leo is shy and this reflects on how he is in the social environment, because she has witnessed first-hand that he has it all, and even his speech has come on in leaps and bounds.

On Friday I went into nursery and discussed the next steps for Leo, I explained that I had never shared the same concerns, but I wanted to action them and resolve them so that Leo could start school in September without this shadowing over him. The nursery leader explained that she couldn’t score Leo as highly as the health visitor because he does not perform to that level within the nursery environment, of course I was fully aware of this anyway and for me it’s not about Leo achieving the highest scores on a piece of paper, as long as he’s happy and moving forward I really could not ask anything more of him. I did have to comment upon the vast difference between how Leo is at home, and how he is at school, because even the nursery leader had told me that Leo was a different child the last time I had visited the nursery. I explained that Leo had been witnessed by the health visitor in exactly the same light I see him every single day. 

With my arrival at the nursery Leo ran up and gave me a big hug, and then he followed us into the little corner of the room where he began chatting my ear off almost instantly. The nursery leader was running through Leo’s progress charts with me and all the time Leo was stood next to use asking me questions, it was then the nursery leader said that she could now tick off the box demonstrating that Leo can and does ask questions. I think in the time I was there she ticked off quite a few boxes that had otherwise remained blank signifying that Leo can’t or won’t do those things at nursery.

We talked about the home visit and the nursery leader commented on how perhaps it would have been better to do it in the office environment, and how using the health visitors own tools would have been a better assessment than allowing Leo to use his own, but it was decided by the health visitor to just sit and observe Leo as he used his words, asked questions and did everything asked of him. I took this opportunity to express my own personal opinion, I personally believe that for one reason or another Leo doesn’t express himself in the same way within the nursery setting as he does at home. I think that he is reserved and keeps himself to himself because there are so many children or maybe he just likes his own company.

The discussion uncovered that nursery are coming around to my way of thinking, and have realised that Leo has selective hearing, at times a stubborn disposition and of course his own characteristics…Just like any other child his age. Apparently for a while they were unsure whether Leo understood the tasks being asked of him, but as I have known all along… If you ask Leo to do something that he doesn’t want to do, he will either ignore you, say ‘no I don’t want to!’ or tell you that he’s tired and will begin rubbing his eyes in a vain attempt to get out of it.

The example our nursery leader used to describe Leo’s mannerisms when it came to following actions was asking him to take his shoes and socks off. Leo looked at her and said ‘I tired!’ and rubbed his eyes while not complying with the task asked of him. They asked him again and this time threw in the incentive of being able to blow some bubbles if he did what was asked of him, so without even pausing…Leo took his shoes and socks off. It’s not a case of him not understanding what is being asked of him at all, it’s more a case of ‘Do I want to do this?’. If he doesn’t want to do something, he is excusing himself from doing it, and really he’s done a rather spectacular job if nursery have even considered whether he understands or not.

Another concern they have is that Leo doesn’t like or participate in Nursery Rhymes, and this is something I have always been aware of. He has never really enjoyed them and he used to tell me to stop whenever I broke into song… He knows them and he does occasionally recite one, usually Incy Wincy Spider… But for the most part he doesn’t like them. I am not saying that he doesn’t enjoy music though, he loves Christmas Songs and would more than happily sing Santa Clause is Coming to Town, Jingle Bells and Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer until the cows came home… He’s even been singing along to The Vamps – Somebody To You! So the mere fact that he doesn’t join in with nursery rhymes doesn’t overly concern me, especially if he is reserved at nursery, it may just be outside his comfort  zone.

Every child is different, this is what I have been saying all along, but it seems my child is being perceived on the basis that he isn’t loud, bossy, overly charismatic, confident and sassy in the nursery environment, when at home he is all of those things and much, much more. Yes he has had a speech delay, yes I believe that has held him back in certain areas, but now his speech is there and is growing by the day, I think it’s time to accept Leo for who he is. You can’t force a child to like nursery rhymes, talk, or play with other children if they don’t want to. They all have their own likes and dislikes for everything in this crazy world we live in, and Leo is no different. I think that in a class of 20+ children Leo’s voice gets lost amongst them,  although he loves the nursery I think he is still finding his feet and this is the way he does that.

When I think back to my early years at school I can re-call myself being exactly the same, I was quiet and reserved, and this followed me throughout my school life. I had my friends but if I was in a class without my circle of friends I would revert to being that same quiet young girl. I guess to an extent I am still like that to this very day, so it stands to reason that Leo will have inherited my social traits. Casting my memory back to my reception year at school, I can re-call them calling me out for shrugging my shoulders. If I was asked a question I didn’t know the answer to, I would simply shrug. That to me was my way of acknowledging a question that I couldn’t answer and closing the subject matter… When I told the nursery leader this she said that she could picture Leo shrugging his shoulders the exact same way.

The final discussion of the afternoon with Leo’s nursery leader was the impending school term, she said that the feels going up to school may set Leo back further, what with new children and new teachers to contend with. She went on to say that it is only now that they feel they are getting to know the ‘real Leo’ and this may be the same case in school, and it will take until the end of the school year for a teacher to get to know Leo, and then he will be moved on again and the process will repeat itself. I don’t really know how to feel about this? If this is the general opinion now, I would like to think that there may be some extra support in place to help ease Leo into his new environment in order to prevent him falling through the cracks and being over looked at school because he’s more reserved.

It would seem that although one battle has ceased, we will have a whole new one on our hands come September, but I will make it my mission to make sure that any additional support Leo may need in school, is there and ready to help him be all that he can be. 

The First Nativity

I always envisioned that your very first Nativity Play would be after you started reception, when you were that little bit bigger. As it happened this Christmas you performed in your debut performance and it was such an amazing sight to behold. You had been practicing at nursery for weeks, and I couldn’t help thinking how brave (Crazy?) they were to even attempt such a performance with a cast of pre-schoolers, but it all worked out perfectly.

You had been cast as a shepherd, and on the run up to the big performance I had been set the task of sourcing a costume fit for such a dashing shepherd. On the night I took you into the school that backs onto the nursery (The school in which you will hopefully be attending!) and you looked a little teary. You had been excited about going into school until you discovered you wouldn't actually be attending the nursery.

I dropped you off with your fellow cast members and the nursery leaders got you ready for the lime light, I then made my way out into the audience to find a seat with Daddy, Granny and Granddad Martin. I could hear tears coming from the class room and I hoped with everything that I had that it wasn’t you, thankfully it wasn’t and you soon marched down the aisle right past me holding hands with your friend. You saw me and your little lip started to tremble and I just wanted to give you a big cuddle! They sat you down on the bench near the front and I saw your lip quiver a few more times as some of the other children took to the stage for their roles. I even heard you shout out that you needed the loo, but unfortunately everyone was too busy to hear you. Part of me wanted to run up and run you out before you had to go on stage, but I thought that may upset you in the long run.

It was eventually your turn to go up on stage, and you did exactly as you were supposed to do, you had learnt your role well and were such a little superstar. Your face did tremble every now and then and you didn’t look exceptionally happy about being up there, but you were super!

You got up on stage and lay down pretending to be asleep, and then another child came along tapping you on the head, waking you up. You then made your way over to the corner and sat patiently while the other children did their parts. Towards the end you even took part with some of the songs!

You did so well and although you were completely out of your comfort zone, you gave it your very best shot.

  

Well done little man, you little superstar!

Back to Nursery

On the 5^th September Leo went back to play school for his very first funded session. In the weeks of Summer that quickly passed us by, Leo seemed to blossom before our very eyes. He began to string more and more sentences together, and he made such an effort to use his words. We used to Summer as a spring board and got out and about to really make the most of the weather and each other’s company. I had a feeling that the nursery would also see a huge improvement in just how far Leo had come over the Summer holidays, and I hoped that I wasn't alone in these thoughts.

With Leo’s funding now in place for his final pre-school year before starting reception next year, I prepared his school bag the same way I always did. I packed a spare change of clothes, some fruit and his juice cup. I woke Leo up from his slumber and a very excited child replaced the sleeping child who had been fast asleep only moments before. Leo was so excited to be going back to nursery again and when I dropped him off on the Friday for his first session, he didn't even say goodbye before he ran off to join his class mates.

When the time came to pick Leo up from school, I arrived and peeked in through the window. The entire class was sat together on the carpet talking, and when I got to the front of the line, they called for Leo to come over ready to go home. The nursery leaders each had some incredibly positive remarks about how they had found Leo’s first day back at school. One said ‘Hasn't he grown up over the Summer!?’ another said ‘I have noticed a huge improvement in his speech!’ and another said ‘I am understanding so much more of what he says!’. I was so pleased, Leo has been taking his time but been improving all the time, and now I feel like we are finally bridging the gap that has stopped him getting his point of view across.

Wednesday 10th September marked Leo’s very first full day at nursery,  we prepared Leo’s school bag and even made up his lunch box ready for that very first session. Leo was even more excited at the prospect of taking lunch along with him, that once he had his Planes Lunch box in hand he insisted on having his Ham and Cheese Sandwich for breakfast. So to save his lunch we had to make him up a second sandwich that he could enjoy at that precise moment in time.

Granny dropped Leo off for a 9am start, and then that was the last we saw of Leo until 3pm that same day. It is the longest Leo has ever been out of our care and it was a surreal moment to arrive home from work for lunch, to not have Leo at home. Leo had gone off as happy as always and found his name badge out of all of the other names and proudly stuck it on his hook. Leo then spent the day at nursery for the very first time.

Leo has come on so much since that very first nursery session back in January, he is more confident and willing to give new things a try. I find it incredibly hard to believe that this time next year, my baby boy will be in reception and 4 years old. Time really has got a wicked sense of humor to say the least, but it is not relenting. Time is speeding by and shaping my little man as it goes, each day he does something new and surprises me in a whole new way.

I am so pleased at how well Leo has just slipped back into nursery life, and just accepted that now he is older he gets to go more. I have put Leo into nursery on a Monday, Tuesday morning. He attends Wednesday all day and then has Thursday off to spend an entire day doing things with me, and then goes back in refreshed for Friday’s afternoon session.

I wanted Leo to do one full day so that when he does begin reception next year it won’t be such a shock to the system. I now that as this year progresses he is going to continue to grow up, and when next September does roll around, he will be more than ready to take on big school with all of his peers.