It has been
a year since Leo started nursery, and in that year my little man has done so
much growing up. You can see it in the way he conducts himself, to how he
handles situations that present themselves to him, and in that short year he
has transformed from my toddler into a little boy, a preschooler.
This last
year has been one where I seemingly have to fight his corner and speak for him
to the many people who are putting him behind where he should be. It is no
secret that I have been fighting a losing battle since Leo’s 2 and a half year
check, with conflicting opinions from various people, and no one really
offering me a direct avenue to explore. I have fought for Leo to have his eyes
and hearing tested, and pushed him into every appointment I possibly could in
order to get to the bottom of the concerns expressed to me, because although I
don’t share these concerns I have to action them.
The nursery
have Leo 20 months behind developmentally in terms of his speech and how he
conducts himself with other children, speech therapy have a variating opinion of
their own, the GP says he’s absolutely
fine, the health visitor now puts him between 4 and a half to 5 years of age…So
you can see why I have been at a loss with who to listen to. I am going with
what the health visitor has said, because she saw Leo exactly like I do,
although there are still people who don’t agree with her assessment.
Since I
shared the results of Leo’s health visitor assessment with the nursery, I could
see that they didn’t agree with it. Obviously if nursery still have concerns I
want them to do everything possible for him, so I am pleased that our nursery
leader called up our health visitor for a chat, I am again pleased that our
health visitor confirmed her assessment first hand. They talked about why Leo
could be measuring so drastically in comparison to the health visitors report,
and avenues were discussed. The health visitor is adamant that Leo is shy and
this reflects on how he is in the social environment, because she has witnessed
first-hand that he has it all, and even his speech has come on in leaps and
bounds.
On Friday I
went into nursery and discussed the next steps for Leo, I explained that I had
never shared the same concerns, but I wanted to action them and resolve them so
that Leo could start school in September without this shadowing over him. The
nursery leader explained that she couldn’t score Leo as highly as the health
visitor because he does not perform to that level within the nursery
environment, of course I was fully aware of this anyway and for me it’s not
about Leo achieving the highest scores on a piece of paper, as long as he’s
happy and moving forward I really could not ask anything more of him. I did
have to comment upon the vast difference between how Leo is at home, and how he
is at school, because even the nursery leader had told me that Leo was a
different child the last time I had visited the nursery. I explained that Leo
had been witnessed by the health visitor in exactly the same light I see him
every single day.
With my
arrival at the nursery Leo ran up and gave me a big hug, and then he followed
us into the little corner of the room where he began chatting my ear off almost
instantly. The nursery leader was running through Leo’s progress charts with me
and all the time Leo was stood next to use asking me questions, it was then the
nursery leader said that she could now tick off the box demonstrating that Leo
can and does ask questions. I think in the time I was there she ticked off
quite a few boxes that had otherwise remained blank signifying that Leo can’t
or won’t do those things at nursery.
We talked
about the home visit and the nursery leader commented on how perhaps it would
have been better to do it in the office environment, and how using the health
visitors own tools would have been a better assessment than allowing Leo to use
his own, but it was decided by the health visitor to just sit and observe Leo
as he used his words, asked questions and did everything asked of him. I took
this opportunity to express my own personal opinion, I personally believe that
for one reason or another Leo doesn’t express himself in the same way within
the nursery setting as he does at home. I think that he is reserved and keeps
himself to himself because there are so many children or maybe he just likes his
own company.
The
discussion uncovered that nursery are coming around to my way of thinking, and
have realised that Leo has selective hearing, at times a stubborn disposition
and of course his own characteristics…Just like any other child his age. Apparently
for a while they were unsure whether Leo understood the tasks being asked of
him, but as I have known all along… If you ask Leo to do something that he
doesn’t want to do, he will either ignore you, say ‘no I don’t want to!’ or
tell you that he’s tired and will begin rubbing his eyes in a vain attempt to
get out of it.
The example
our nursery leader used to describe Leo’s mannerisms when it came to following
actions was asking him to take his shoes and socks off. Leo looked at her and
said ‘I tired!’ and rubbed his eyes while not complying with the task asked of
him. They asked him again and this time threw in the incentive of being able to
blow some bubbles if he did what was asked of him, so without even pausing…Leo
took his shoes and socks off. It’s not a case of him not understanding what is
being asked of him at all, it’s more a case of ‘Do I want to do this?’. If he
doesn’t want to do something, he is excusing himself from doing it, and really
he’s done a rather spectacular job if nursery have even considered whether he
understands or not.
Another
concern they have is that Leo doesn’t like or participate in Nursery Rhymes,
and this is something I have always been aware of. He has never really enjoyed
them and he used to tell me to stop whenever I broke into song… He knows them
and he does occasionally recite one, usually Incy Wincy Spider… But for the
most part he doesn’t like them. I am not saying that he doesn’t enjoy music
though, he loves Christmas Songs and would more than happily sing Santa Clause
is Coming to Town, Jingle Bells and Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer until the
cows came home… He’s even been singing along to The Vamps – Somebody To You! So
the mere fact that he doesn’t join in with nursery rhymes doesn’t overly
concern me, especially if he is reserved at nursery, it may just be outside his
comfort zone.
Every child
is different, this is what I have been saying all along, but it seems my child
is being perceived on the basis that he isn’t loud, bossy, overly charismatic,
confident and sassy in the nursery environment, when at home he is all of those
things and much, much more. Yes he has had a speech delay, yes I believe that
has held him back in certain areas, but now his speech is there and is growing
by the day, I think it’s time to accept Leo for who he is. You can’t force a
child to like nursery rhymes, talk, or play with other children if they don’t
want to. They all have their own likes and dislikes for everything in this
crazy world we live in, and Leo is no different. I think that in a class of 20+
children Leo’s voice gets lost amongst them,
although he loves the nursery I think he is still finding his feet and
this is the way he does that.
When I
think back to my early years at school I can re-call myself being exactly the
same, I was quiet and reserved, and this followed me throughout my school life.
I had my friends but if I was in a class without my circle of friends I would
revert to being that same quiet young girl. I guess to an extent I am still
like that to this very day, so it stands to reason that Leo will have inherited
my social traits. Casting my memory back to my reception year at school, I can
re-call them calling me out for shrugging my shoulders. If I was asked a
question I didn’t know the answer to, I would simply shrug. That to me was my
way of acknowledging a question that I couldn’t answer and closing the subject
matter… When I told the nursery leader this she said that she could picture Leo
shrugging his shoulders the exact same way.
The final
discussion of the afternoon with Leo’s nursery leader was the impending school
term, she said that the feels going up to school may set Leo back further, what
with new children and new teachers to contend with. She went on to say that it
is only now that they feel they are getting to know the ‘real Leo’ and this may
be the same case in school, and it will take until the end of the school year
for a teacher to get to know Leo, and then he will be moved on again and the
process will repeat itself. I don’t really know how to feel about this? If this
is the general opinion now, I would like to think that there may be some extra
support in place to help ease Leo into his new environment in order to prevent
him falling through the cracks and being over looked at school because he’s
more reserved.
It would
seem that although one battle has ceased, we will have a whole new one on our
hands come September, but I will make it my mission to make sure that any
additional support Leo may need in school, is there and ready to help him be
all that he can be.
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