Help! My Toddler is Punishing Me!

Ever since I went back to work after the Christmas break Leo has been acting out at his Granny. When I say acting out I guess I am putting it lightly.

I guess I should start at the beginning?

Leo goes to Granny’s house while I go to work. She looks after him. So when I leave Granny gets the brunt of me leaving Leo and it is usually in the form of him hitting her or even hitting himself.

It swings in roundabouts, he is happy there but he associates being there with me leaving him. As soon as he sees Granny he lifts his hand to his head and gives himself a smack, in fact we may only be visiting on a day that I don’t have work and if she dares speak to him then he will repeatedly hit himself.

If Granny dares to try and take him out of my arms to relieve me so I can leave in a morning, Leo will firstly lash out at Granny for trying to take him and then at me for letting her. 

I know this is all because I leave him. I leave him to go to work. Now we both tell him off for hitting, as he shouldn’t do it and of course he knows this really. But how do make him stop permanently…I just don’t know?

I know Leo doing this makes my Mum feel awful, as it is only her that he does this for. If his Granddad talks to him he is there reaching out to go for a cuddle. If my brother and sister are there he will play happily with them, but if my Mum dares to walk in and talk to him he will bop himself over the head again…. It is just when it comes to my Mum.

As for Leo hitting himself I just ignore it now, I don’t want to encourage the behaviour and I hope that he will soon forget and stop. It is horrid watching your child go about hitting themselves, but it is a behaviour that only comes about when he is with Granny or being told off.

Writing this makes Leo sound like a really volatile little boy, but this behaviour isn’t what defines him. Just last night he was sat giving me cuddles and trying to avoid bed time. He comes up and gives me kisses and then runs off to give Daddy one too. He plays affectionately with his baby doll and gives his Tigger Teddy big cuddles, and just this morning he went to Granny’s beautifully and I left them having cuddles with blankie together on the sofa.

So what else can I do?

Stuck in a rut...

Sometimes I wish I could be a stay at home Mum, okay recently...All of the time.

I know this feeling is spurred on by my not being happy at work, by everyone around me who can obviously see my thumbs twiddling and boredom setting in, yet still they by pass me. Unless of course they wish to dismiss me further by allocating mediocre jobs that I never used to do even before going on maternity leave.

I don’t mean to sound like I am above it, but I am just dis-heartened that my going on leave has put me further down the pecking list than the new starter to the team.

I thought time would pass and things would settle down, to how they were before I left for 13 months.

 But too much has changed.

The company changed and so did I.

I can’t ever see myself being happy with my current position; it currently feels like I am doing time for bad behaviour. I feel like I have been demoted, like I am sitting on a shelf slowly losing my sparkle to the dust that is starting to cover me.

I just don’t seem to care about what I do in the office anymore, and no-one seems to care about me not caring? But I want to care. I work hard and when I really care, I go above and beyond to get things done.

I used to care.

I count down the hours until I reach Wednesday at 5pm, the start of the time I get to spend with Leo. 

When Sunday night hits I feel dread in the very pitt of my stomach, all because I don’t want to go to work and sit twiddling my thumbs.

I feel like I need to break loose and push forward in finding something else, but then I am scared at making such a big change.

I know it is something I need to do; I can’t seem to pull my head out of this social media cloud it is currently floating around in and that just confirms to me that I still have passion and I still have drive. 

I do still care, just about other things.

So how do you go about making such a big decision? How do you go about changing your life?

I have the drive and will do anything and everything I can do pull myself out of this rut I am currently sat in, slowly sinking deeper and deeper, but for the right opportunity I will stand up tall and walk out with my head held high.

Don't Go Mummy!

Leaving for work in a morning is always a military operation.

Trying to get ready before Leo awakes so that I can spend that little bit of the morning with him. Maybe even squeeze in breakfast together if I have a spare 20 minutes before I have to run away for the day.

Leo was 13 months when I returned to work, and he didn’t really care whether I was there or if I wasn’t. It made no difference to that beautiful boy of mine if I was to leave the room or go to work, but now he is getting older he is starting to really hate my exit each morning.

It is as though he anticipates me putting on my coat and picking up my car keys, as it is this moment he chooses to cling to me. When I pick up my hand bag he knows I really mean business and my exit is imminent, and he will throw a real stinker if he is not coming with me!

Leo associates all of these little things with me leaving, if I pick up my hand bag while Leo is in my arms, he will persistently wave at everyone in the room as he thinks that he is coming with me.

The next task in my 007 mission to leave the house, is to hand him over to Granny so he doesn’t follow me out.

This is where he holds on to me for dear life and buries his head into my shoulder. He screams out and the tears are falling down his cheeks, but the anger is very obviously there and it is temper that is out to play.

He is angry at me for leaving him, and he is too young to understand why I have to leave him. No amount of reassuring him that I will be back later gets through to him quite yet. I know as he gets older we will have this understanding, but for now this is something that he has to experience: Separation from his Mummy.

I know that 5 minutes after I have left, I am just a distant memory as he sets his sights on playing football with the vase in the living room, or posting anything and everything he can find into the mystery draws. He gets on with his day and probably doesn’t even give me a second thought, but that goodbye we share in the morning, makes him angry.

Very angry as he wants to come along with me.

I am looking forward to the day where we can say goodbye for the day without him getting upset. Where we can exchange a hug and he doesn’t cling on to me like I am about to abandon him forever. A goodbye for when he knows that I will be back in a few hours time.

You know you are a Mummy when.....

You know you are a Mummy when.......

You Can do almost everything with one hand....while holding the baby in the other!

You expect to be awake at least once a night for a feed....and when they sleep through until 8, thats a lie in!

You can rock out with sick in your hair, mainly because you do not know it is there!

When you look forward to possit rather than projectile vomit, but know that either way there will be some....and it will most likely be in public!

When you have accomplished the mission to get the baby bag packed, yourself and baby ready....and then he needs ANOTHER bottle before you can actually get out of the house!

When you know you would do anything in the world for your little person, and cross mountains to prove it!

When it comes down to it, you do not mind getting up aimlessly in the night even when bubs just wants to play games!

When you take them for their jabs...where you have to be cruel to be kind. You just want to cry along with them....even if you try to hide it!

When you have to go back to work.....and provide for bubs...even if this is something you really do not want to do.....and then continue to do all of the above!

You know your a Mummy when......You will do whatever you can possibly do in order to provide love...stability and a future for your baby. In my case this means heading back to work in April. This thought is very scary for me, I always knew this was the way it needed to be but now Leo is actually here and it is no longer just a thought.....it is something I need to action in the oncoming months.

I know that there are going to be so many firsts I am going to miss, but this is what I have to sacrafice in order for me to bring in the money, and continue to buy Leo everything he needs and all the things I want him to have.

The idea of returning to a 9-5 after being out since the end of June scares me too....so much will have changed and will I still play a role where I feel I can contribute? Will I even remember what I am doing!? How am I going to feel leaving him Monday to Friday?

For all the working Mummy's out there, please tell me how you do it!?