19 Weeks Pregnant: Low Amniotic Fluid

 I completely neglected to do a pregnancy update last week, and I have to admit that it was because it was such a hectic week. Luke had been away to Italy skiing - I say skiing.. He got 1 day in after they arrived before the resort closed and they were popped onto emergency flights back to the UK. Of course at that point all of Italy was under self isolation measures.. So I had to pack a suitcase and get out before he arrived back so that Leo and I didn't have to self isolate too...

It was not fun sofa hopping and not being able to get comfortable. In fact I slept on a very old mattress one of the nights and suddenly in the middle of the night I began to suffer from Vertigo. I haven't had Vertigo in 2 years, and I can't say I enjoyed it. The following day (Wednesday) was my first day back at work, since we returned from Venice last month (Just as Covid 19 was taking hold...) I had to stay away from work just in case. At that point there wasn't any advice to self isolate, and Leo was welcomed back to school.

This all changed the day of my Amniocentisis when I got a call at school telling me that even though a fortnight had passed since our return... Leo had to stay away from school. None of us had any symptoms so the thought of that just seemed crazy. Leo ended up coming with us to Birmingham, and what a superstar he was. He was in the room while the Amniocentisis was performed and it didn't phase him one bit.

This was the Monday, and I had until the Wednesday before I was due back at work. Of course it was on the Tuesday that my Vertigo appeard, so on my first day back in the office (with Leo in tow) I found myself throwing up in the toilets! I am pleased to report that this has now eased off now, and you may have seen that we have had our first set of Amniocentisis results in!
 
I’ve spent the back end of my 18th week of pregnancy drinking water and coconut water like a lady possessed. I did ask the nurses at my echocardiogram scan if there was anything I could do to maybe increase the production of amniotic fluid, and they said there wasn’t anything I could do.

I had a little google and keeping super hydrated can help in some cases to produce more amniotic fluid. I have been drinking lots of water and added coconut water into my daily drinking regime to try and see if it can make any difference.

At the end of the day it can’t hurt. 

I haven’t felt baby moving at all, or at least I don’t think I have... but that could be down to the low amniotic fluid. It would be amazing to see if I can increase this at all by Thursday; which will be my 20 week scan (a week early) - I’m half dreading it, because I already know what they will or will not see... but at the same time I want to see if the fluid levels have increased. 

There have been a few mornings since 18 weeks where I have woken up and the right side of my stomach is really hard. I can push down and I can feel something, but I don’t know what it is... I did it once and that something did move, but I’m not convinced it’s baby., but at the same time I am not sure what else it could have been? At 19 weeks baby is still super duper low down, which I am told can be normal.

I really thought that by this stage of pregnancy I would be able to get really excited, but unfortunately that is not the case. I am pregnant, there is a heartbeat... but there is so much doubt over how this will all end. I find myself checking Nugget's heartbeat multiple times a day just to hear the reassuring beat of his little heart.

We know we’re growing a boy (I say growing because I can’t bring myself to say having, because having means bringing home and keeping), I can’t look at baby clothes, I can’t get all of Leo’s clothes out of the loft ready to sort through and wash. I can’t buy anything like the bedside crib, in many ways I don’t actually feel pregnant.

I feel like I’ve been robbed of many of the things pregnant ladies take for granted in a healthy pregnancy, I didn’t get to do our gender reveal, I haven’t been able to excitedly shop and I haven’t been able to glow when people congratulate me on our newest addition.

This week I was caught off guard as I discussed the current Corona Virus situation at the school gate when another Mum innocently said 'I don't mean to be rude... But are you expecting'. It should have been so simple to answer, but instead of saying 'Yes' straight away, I wasn't really sure what to say. I am pregnant, but whether there will be a baby at the end of it all... I cannot say.

I’m staying positive and taking each day as it comes, I’m sitting around and resting more, drinking more and hoping that this helps. 

Right now I feel that the best case scenario out of all this will be delivering a premature baby, and then allowing the medical professionals to do their very best. I don’t think we would really know what we are dealing with until birth as these scans don’t really provide a comprehensive view.

I’m trying to have blind faith that we get our boy at the end of all this. That we get to tell our tale, with a happy ending that goes against all the odds. 

Through it all though I just feel like I have to keep holding on and fighting for this little life. People say I’m brave and strong, but I am just doing what I feel is best, and sometimes even that is guess work.

It is hard to keep the flame of hope alive when every appointment brings more bad news, but while baby is growing and his heart is still beating... I will continue to fight for him.

Today is Wednesday, and as of today we are in self isolation to shield ourselves from the crazy outside world and Covid 19. Work have been amazing and sought advice from HR, the instruction is that I go home and self isolate for 12 weeks. Before I left work I managed to almost cry twice, anyone would think I had lost my job. I am just super lucky to work for such a good team of people, so I will be using the time to stay at home, rest and of course home school Leo.

Due to my need to self isolate now, Leo is off school before the official closure on Friday, I had to go and pick him up early and ended up crying at the head teacher and SEN teacher due to all of the worries surrounding the pregnancy, and I guess feeling emotional about leaving work for a potential 3 months. The crazy thing is so much can happen in 12 weeks, It will be June, I could be 31 weeks pregnant by then.... I could have had the baby by then?

I could have lost my baby by then....

Self  isolation is the current plan, and that is what I am doing. I can't help feeling like a fraud, I am pregnant right now... But who knows what the next 12 weeks will bring? What we will find out? What decisions I will have to make?

 Thursday is my equivelant to a 20 week scan, I will be 19+5 and I think I am more nervous for this particular scan than I am about the Fetal Medicine appointments. The difference is at this appointment they will expect to see your typical baby, completely healthy. I don't know what we will see tomorrow....

Fetal Medicine called at 19:30 this evening and when I answered I was shaking head to foot. The full array result is not expected until at least Monday, but seeing that No Caller ID flashing on the screen set my heard racing. It was Sarah the Fetal Medicine Midwife, she's been speaking to the consultants to try and get me seen again as there was nothing booked in. I am really thankful for this, especially with everything that is going on right now, so I should hopefully have a more detailed echocardiogram scan next Tuesday 24th March - Back to Birmingham we go!

Week 19 has been a long update, if you have made it this far thank you.

Hopefully I will have more (happy, positive) news tomorrow.

But for now it is more waiting in this already uncertain pregnany.