The 20 Week Scan & FULL Amniocentisis Results

The 20 week scan is usually something you cannot wait to experience. To see how much your baby has grown in the weeks following the dating scan, but as mine rolled around I was anything but excited. 

I was actually really anxious, and with good reason.

Those that have been following my pregnancy will know that it’s all been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. A high Nuchal translucency test revealed 4.7mm of fluid on the back of our babies neck at 10 weeks, we then had a low risk NIPT (Harmony Test) for the three trisomies and began to try and relax and enjoy the pregnancy. Then at a private gender scan the rug was pulled from beneath our feet and we landed flat on our backs, when the sonogropher found a number of ‘differences’ in our baby. 

That threw us back into the waiting arms of fetal medicine, and we discovered that on top of the structural concerns for our little baby, we also had the worry of Oligohydramnios... Also known as low amniotic fluid. 

The 20 week Scan day arrived and was set Thursday 19th March.

Today.

I sat in the local hospital waiting area with Luke and Leo, wondering if they would both be allowed in... Leo was off school as we have been self isolating due to the latest government advice surrounding Covid 19 and pregnant ladies, and lets face it... I don't need anything else to go wrong at this stage.

When my name was called, they advised that Luke would have to stay outside with Leo, so I went in alone. Luke hasn’t seen baby since the last time he was able to take me to Birmingham Women’s hospital weeks and weeks ago, which thinking back was the 12 week Fetal Medicine Appointment.

I couldn’t get my head around how Leo was allowed in to the fetal medicine appointment and even witness the Amniocentisis... but not here. 

I had spent the week from my echo scan to my 20 week scan guzzling water and peeing like a race horse. I hoped and had everything crossed that when the Doppler hit my stomach at my 20 week scan, we would see the baby more clearly because the fluid was returning. 

Of course, that was not the case.

The fluid was now very low, so low that the sonogropher couldn’t measure the deepest pool because there wasn’t one. I believe that there is still some fluid around baby, but the sac is almost comparable to a straight jacket. Baby boy cannot really move and that would explain why I have not felt him, and at this stage I have resigned myself to the fact that I probably will never feel him wiggle from within me.

I had explained to the lady scanning me how this was so far from your average pregnancy, and she confirmed that she had already read my notes and didn’t know how much help she would be to me. I was already aware that this would be the case, so it wasn’t a shock.

All I really wanted and needed from this appointment was confirmation on the amniotic fluid. This lady did her darnedest though, she tried to look at baby in as much detail as she possibly could, and it’s always interesting to hear how people describe the anomalies that they are seeing.

When she looked in baby boy's head she said that the cerebellum ‘looked small but normal’ - I had been told in previous appointments that it was ‘abnormal and small’ but not that it was abnormal just due to its size. This confirmed that it was the right shape, but small.... but considering baby is well below the plotted expectancy for 19+5 isn’t that to be half expected in some way, shape or form?

At just under 20 weeks my little baby boy is measuring around 17 weeks, around 2 weeks below where he should be. Low amniotic fluid does restrict growth, so I would guess that is also to be expected.

Baby boy’s hands were up by his face, it was almost a comfort to know that he could soothe himself with his little hands. This was the first scan since 14 weeks that I had seen the baby’s profile and at least he seems to have resigned from his breech position. To obtain the image you can see at the top of this post the sonogropher had to bring the doppler all the way over to the left side of my stomach, as simple being above baby didn't generate much that looked like a baby at all.

The sonogropher printed me some scans and told me that she couldn’t get a frontal view of baby’s face to look and see if the baby was effected by cleft palete, but in the next breath said ‘but given everything else would it be the end of the world if the baby was born with cleft palete?’

Of course the answer to this was no, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. What I wouldn’t do to bring this little man into the world and give him a fighting chance. 

This pretty much concluded the scan, I was shown back to the waiting area while the report was drawn up. When she brought it out a few moments later she wished me luck, but I could see the sorrowful look in her eyes, she didn’t think that this baby would make it even if she didn't say it.

I have to admit that seeing that low level of fluid had me on the same page. How could a baby grow and develop with such a little amount of fluid? Especially during this crucial time of the lungs developing. 

I explained everything to Luke, and Leo for that matter. We have been very open and honest about all that is going on as ultimately Leo needs to be as prepared as possible for what and most likely will happen. 

We arrived home and I resumed my fetal position on the couch with a large glass of water. I flicked through Netflix undecided on what to watch, then my phone rang. No Caller ID could only be the Women’s Hospital, and this could mean the full array results from my Amniocentisis were back from the lab. 

The Fetal Medicine Midwife Sarah confirmed that she did have my results. I was told that they were ALL CLEAR, there were no chromosome abnormalities with our baby boy. Atleast not anything that they test for.

This should have made me happy, put a big smile on my face and given me hope in my heart, but seeing my little baby on today’s scan with no where to move or turn... there was still a problem. A problem that meant I probably won’t get my baby boy at the end of this long, long road.

A problem that we didn't even see coming, despite all of the other mountains we have had to climb. After passing each test that has come our way, baby boy is still having to climb mountains, but those mountains require him to be in his safe bubble of amniotic fluid, fluid that keeps decreasing, and stealing hope.

I filled Sarah in on the latest scan, I asked if my baby would be in any pain. I was told that he wouldn’t be and that we would go through ‘all the options’ on Tuesday at my next echocardiogram with the consultants. 

I think I can hazard a guess at what the next options may present to me. I’ve been thinking about it all long and hard, and I am just waiting for them to tell me or at least present the option of termination.

 I don’t have it in me to end my baby boys life. 

I’ve already decided that I will stay pregnant as long as I can, I will say no to any offer of termination, I will let my body decide what happens, and I will keep fighting for that little heartbeat even though everything seems so bleak.
 
I am 20 weeks on Sunday - Mother’s Day, it’s just to cruel to let us get half way through this pregnancy after everything that we have been through and done for us to just exhaust all options now. 

I remember writing in a previous post that my biggest milestone was to get to 20 weeks, I’m almost there. Baby boy still has a strong heartbeat and I know that we’re still 4 whole weeks off being ‘viable’ and I most likely won’t get that far... but I have to try. I have to try knowing that even if we did get to 24 weeks that he could be born and we would most likely lose him anyway, but I have to try.

I can't be the one resposible for stopping his little heart beating. I can't be the one to ultimately decide to end his life, and I wont. 

I’m weirdly ok about it all, I am prepared for the worst. It won't be some big shock if anything does happen.

I’ve somehow accepted this, but I can’t give up and I won’t give up. 

Luke has said that he will support whatever decision I have made, and it might sound crazy but I’ve already made my mind up. 

One way or another I’m seeing this through for my baby boy. 

19 Weeks Pregnant: Low Amniotic Fluid

 I completely neglected to do a pregnancy update last week, and I have to admit that it was because it was such a hectic week. Luke had been away to Italy skiing - I say skiing.. He got 1 day in after they arrived before the resort closed and they were popped onto emergency flights back to the UK. Of course at that point all of Italy was under self isolation measures.. So I had to pack a suitcase and get out before he arrived back so that Leo and I didn't have to self isolate too...

It was not fun sofa hopping and not being able to get comfortable. In fact I slept on a very old mattress one of the nights and suddenly in the middle of the night I began to suffer from Vertigo. I haven't had Vertigo in 2 years, and I can't say I enjoyed it. The following day (Wednesday) was my first day back at work, since we returned from Venice last month (Just as Covid 19 was taking hold...) I had to stay away from work just in case. At that point there wasn't any advice to self isolate, and Leo was welcomed back to school.

This all changed the day of my Amniocentisis when I got a call at school telling me that even though a fortnight had passed since our return... Leo had to stay away from school. None of us had any symptoms so the thought of that just seemed crazy. Leo ended up coming with us to Birmingham, and what a superstar he was. He was in the room while the Amniocentisis was performed and it didn't phase him one bit.

This was the Monday, and I had until the Wednesday before I was due back at work. Of course it was on the Tuesday that my Vertigo appeard, so on my first day back in the office (with Leo in tow) I found myself throwing up in the toilets! I am pleased to report that this has now eased off now, and you may have seen that we have had our first set of Amniocentisis results in!
 
I’ve spent the back end of my 18th week of pregnancy drinking water and coconut water like a lady possessed. I did ask the nurses at my echocardiogram scan if there was anything I could do to maybe increase the production of amniotic fluid, and they said there wasn’t anything I could do.

I had a little google and keeping super hydrated can help in some cases to produce more amniotic fluid. I have been drinking lots of water and added coconut water into my daily drinking regime to try and see if it can make any difference.

At the end of the day it can’t hurt. 

I haven’t felt baby moving at all, or at least I don’t think I have... but that could be down to the low amniotic fluid. It would be amazing to see if I can increase this at all by Thursday; which will be my 20 week scan (a week early) - I’m half dreading it, because I already know what they will or will not see... but at the same time I want to see if the fluid levels have increased. 

There have been a few mornings since 18 weeks where I have woken up and the right side of my stomach is really hard. I can push down and I can feel something, but I don’t know what it is... I did it once and that something did move, but I’m not convinced it’s baby., but at the same time I am not sure what else it could have been? At 19 weeks baby is still super duper low down, which I am told can be normal.

I really thought that by this stage of pregnancy I would be able to get really excited, but unfortunately that is not the case. I am pregnant, there is a heartbeat... but there is so much doubt over how this will all end. I find myself checking Nugget's heartbeat multiple times a day just to hear the reassuring beat of his little heart.

We know we’re growing a boy (I say growing because I can’t bring myself to say having, because having means bringing home and keeping), I can’t look at baby clothes, I can’t get all of Leo’s clothes out of the loft ready to sort through and wash. I can’t buy anything like the bedside crib, in many ways I don’t actually feel pregnant.

I feel like I’ve been robbed of many of the things pregnant ladies take for granted in a healthy pregnancy, I didn’t get to do our gender reveal, I haven’t been able to excitedly shop and I haven’t been able to glow when people congratulate me on our newest addition.

This week I was caught off guard as I discussed the current Corona Virus situation at the school gate when another Mum innocently said 'I don't mean to be rude... But are you expecting'. It should have been so simple to answer, but instead of saying 'Yes' straight away, I wasn't really sure what to say. I am pregnant, but whether there will be a baby at the end of it all... I cannot say.

I’m staying positive and taking each day as it comes, I’m sitting around and resting more, drinking more and hoping that this helps. 

Right now I feel that the best case scenario out of all this will be delivering a premature baby, and then allowing the medical professionals to do their very best. I don’t think we would really know what we are dealing with until birth as these scans don’t really provide a comprehensive view.

I’m trying to have blind faith that we get our boy at the end of all this. That we get to tell our tale, with a happy ending that goes against all the odds. 

Through it all though I just feel like I have to keep holding on and fighting for this little life. People say I’m brave and strong, but I am just doing what I feel is best, and sometimes even that is guess work.

It is hard to keep the flame of hope alive when every appointment brings more bad news, but while baby is growing and his heart is still beating... I will continue to fight for him.

Today is Wednesday, and as of today we are in self isolation to shield ourselves from the crazy outside world and Covid 19. Work have been amazing and sought advice from HR, the instruction is that I go home and self isolate for 12 weeks. Before I left work I managed to almost cry twice, anyone would think I had lost my job. I am just super lucky to work for such a good team of people, so I will be using the time to stay at home, rest and of course home school Leo.

Due to my need to self isolate now, Leo is off school before the official closure on Friday, I had to go and pick him up early and ended up crying at the head teacher and SEN teacher due to all of the worries surrounding the pregnancy, and I guess feeling emotional about leaving work for a potential 3 months. The crazy thing is so much can happen in 12 weeks, It will be June, I could be 31 weeks pregnant by then.... I could have had the baby by then?

I could have lost my baby by then....

Self  isolation is the current plan, and that is what I am doing. I can't help feeling like a fraud, I am pregnant right now... But who knows what the next 12 weeks will bring? What we will find out? What decisions I will have to make?

 Thursday is my equivelant to a 20 week scan, I will be 19+5 and I think I am more nervous for this particular scan than I am about the Fetal Medicine appointments. The difference is at this appointment they will expect to see your typical baby, completely healthy. I don't know what we will see tomorrow....

Fetal Medicine called at 19:30 this evening and when I answered I was shaking head to foot. The full array result is not expected until at least Monday, but seeing that No Caller ID flashing on the screen set my heard racing. It was Sarah the Fetal Medicine Midwife, she's been speaking to the consultants to try and get me seen again as there was nothing booked in. I am really thankful for this, especially with everything that is going on right now, so I should hopefully have a more detailed echocardiogram scan next Tuesday 24th March - Back to Birmingham we go!

Week 19 has been a long update, if you have made it this far thank you.

Hopefully I will have more (happy, positive) news tomorrow.

But for now it is more waiting in this already uncertain pregnany.

The 18 Week Amniocentisis

Monday morning finally rolled around, my sister in law, Leo and I all hopped into the car to head to Worcester (I will most likely address why Leo was there in a future post).

I knew I was heading into the eye of the storm again, that my few days of ignorance were about to be blasted out of the water, but still I had to go and hear what the consultant at Fetal Medicine thought about our little Nugget.

We arrived in Birmingham with time to spare, by now I know exactly where to park and how to get to where we need to be. We set up residence in the cafe and looked over the previous scan notes. My sister in law felt positive but I knew by the end of this appointment that feeling would have been knocked out of her the same way it had been for me over and over again.

We made our way towards Fetal Medicine and were pretty much shown right in. Instead of being taken straight to the sonography room like in the previous appointments, we were taken to one of the little sitting areas where I signed my consent for the Amniocentisis procedure that they were going to be carrying out.

They talked through what would happen, I signed the consent form and we were taken into the all too familiar room where the scan was going to take place. 

I hopped up onto the bed and the scan commenced straight away. There were 2 consultants in this appointment and they took it in turns to do a thorough scan of little nugget. 

They confirmed all the findings that had been found at the previous scan, looked at the heart in some further detail and told me that the amniotic fluid was now considered low at 1.4cm in the deepest pool.

This could be a sign that the kidney’s aren’t working as they should, which of course sent more alarm bells ringing. The second consultant Dr Kirby took over the scan and concluded with the first consultant. 

I’ve learned that these scans are usually performed in complete silence, the dr’s concentrate on what they are looking at and it doesn’t feel like the time to ask questions. I can’t help but feel though that baby measuring smaller and being in more awkward positions (combined with the low amniotic fluid) will mean that it’s harder to see exactly what is going on, and does leave room for error.

Error and hope.

With the scanning side of the appointment wrapped up, they made preparations for the Amniocentisis to take place. A midwife joined the 2 consultants and they began to prepare my tummy for the procedure. 

A very cold solution was poured all over my stomach to clean the area, paper towels were placed over my upper tummy and where my leggings finished to keep the area clean. They spoke to me as they were preparing everything so that I knew what was going on, I saw the needle come out but I couldn’t see much from behind the paper towels.

I was told that the area wouldn’t be numbed (although I can’t remember why they said this was the case), in fact it all seems a bit blurry now. I felt so calm before the procedure, but when it was actually starting I felt a bit uneasy.

The baby was still visible on screen but I couldn’t see exactly what was going on, they told me that they were ready to perform the Amniocentisis and that I needed to stay very still. 

I thought the staying still part of all this was going to be a doddle, I’ve had blood taken many times and I never flinch, but of course the Amnio is a needle going into your lower abdomen, which as it turns out is a very sensitive part of your body. The needle pierced my tummy and I automatically flinched, I couldn’t help it. They told me to stay still again like I had any control over my body at that precise moment in time, of course I didn’t want to be moving, I knew exactly what moving might mean for my baby. 

It’s like when you get stung by a bee, you automatically move away from the sting, and that’s the only thing I can compare the Amniocentisis  too. 

A bee sting.

It wasn’t painful, and when the needle was in you didn’t even notice it was there, I did feel a bit conflicted about having amniotic fluid taken out of the baby’s sack when it appeared that it was already too low. 

It was all over as quickly as it had started, the needle was taken away, the paper towels removed and my tummy dried. My tummy just felt normal, like nothing had happened but I was very aware that I needed to pee again! 

I needed to go back to the little room for the debrief, but first I needed to pee. It was only when I went to pee I realised that I had shooty pains in my lower tummy. It felt like my insides were going to fall out, and the shooty pains felt like what you might have when you have a bladder infection. 

I soon worked out that the shooty pains were worse when I was walking around, not so bad when I was sitting. I went and found a seat in the same little room we had been shown to when I had arrived, and Dr Kirby talked me through what they had seen.

His prognosis was bleak, 'if multiple anomalies confirm, the prognosis will be adverse in terms of mortality and morbidity whatever the underlying aetiology'.

To me that reads, that if all of the findings on the scans are 100% there, regardless of whatever is wrong with Nugget, there won't be a good outcome for baby.

The consultant expected the Amnio results would highlight a Chromosome Anomoly, and I could tell he was pondering Trisomy 18 - Edwards Syndrome and he mentions it more than once in the sonography report that was later handed to me.

I was basically told that the abnormalities on their own would usually be ok, but it was the combination of the abnormalities that pointed toward them being underlying issues in a bigger picture.

Ultimately this appointment solidified what I thought was about to happen. I expected the Amniocentisis to come back and confirm the diagnosis of Edwards Syndrome. My next step then would be to be booked in to have labour induced, to meet and say goodbye to my baby all at the same time.

I had accepted what I was told at my scan on Tuesday, so this time no tears fell. The consultant must have thought I had a heart of stone, this time I stayed composed and accepted everything that I had been told. 

I left the hospital knowing that I would be back on Thursday for the echo scan, but I knew that at some point on or before then... I would have the first set of results back.

I didn’t feel anxious, I didn’t feel like I was waiting for these results, because I didn’t feel that they would have good news. 

Thankfully baby came through the Amniocentisis which for me is a big milestone in itself. The shooty pains weren’t overly painful and didn’t require me to take any paracetamol for them. 

Over the next few days it was like it had never even happened. 

17 weeks pregnant

This week I didn't take a picture of my growing tummy.

This week has been a blur, and one that has not been easy to navigate.


Usually the further into a pregnancy you get, the more closure is bestowed upon you. In my first pregnancy I looked forward to the scans, there were never any red flags, worries or doubts that I wasn't carrying a perfectly healthy baby boy. 

My last 2 pregnancies have shown me two very different sides of the coin, one resulted in miscarriage, and my current much wanted pregnancy is teaching me yet another lesson. Potentially the hardest lesson yet, one that plunges me into the unknown and doesn't guarantee me that happy ending, even though right now there is still a strong heartbeat.

At a private gender scan on Saturday everything changed and I feel like I am mourning a baby that is still very much alive and fighting for life.

Any reassurance we had gained from the fluid on Nugget's neck retreating by 12 weeks was floundered, we were thrown back down the rabbit hole and have been free falling ever since.

It is now Monday, I am 17 weeks pregnant. I text Nicky (you will know her from my previous posts), and within a few minites she replied. I am so thankful for this lady, and it looks as though she will be squezing me in at Worcester Hospital at some point this week.

That second opinion was on Tuesday 3rd March - and if you have been following our experience so far, you already know what that brought to the table.

Which is just beyond incredible, Fetal Medicine called and cannot see me until Friday. The wait already feels unbearable, I just need a second opinion and a chance to ask my questions, have an idea of what they are suspecting. 

Suddenly it feels like the high NT reading could in fact have been pointing towards all of this, chromosone abnormalities aside they are also linked to fetal heart conditions. Which of course aren't picked up on scans until the babies reach a size where they can be looked at, like now.

I have of course spent every waking moment following the scan trying to make sense of what I have been told, Google of course hasn't helped, it hasn't really told me anything.

I knew that taking Leo into school this morning was going to present me with lot's of questions from people all wanting to know if we were having a little boy or a little girl. I knew I could half answer the question without getting emotional, I said 'They suspect a baby girl, but their legs were firmly crossed'.

It was the question that always inevitably follows that I knew I was going to struggle with 'And was everything ok?'

I can't lie, and my face can't lie. Nor can my voice as the tears start to spill. All before I have even got Leo into school.

How can I answer is everything ok when right now it looks anything but ok?

It's been a rollercoaster of a week, and one where I pretty much took a step back from the pregnancy and ultimately my baby. I know that in the next couple of weeks I should start to feel her move, but right now aside from my tummy starting to feel a little harder, that is the only telling sign.

It's been a tough pregnancy, but week 17 for me may have been the week that broke me. I miss the period of time between 12 weeks through to week 16 where we were fianlly getting excited and even buying things.

Week 18 is going to see me having my Amnio and going back into wait mode.

I have hidden away this week, while the rest of the world seems to be self isolating because of Covid 19, I have just wanted to avoid people. I have just wanted to be on my own. It's taken me a few days to sit down at the computer and write this week up, I guess as it's a week that I would rather pretend didn't happen, but equally it's a monumental week in how this pregnancy may end.

It's a different type of pregnancy update this week, but I have decided that I will be taking a bump photo for week 18, I have to pick myself back up and capture what is happening, regardless of how all this does end.

Right now I am still growing my baby, right now Nugget is tucked up safe and her heartbeat is still strong.

Suspected Chromosomal Anomaly: Keeping Hope

The scan from 12 weeks. How can such a perfect looking baby be so poorly?

It’s coming up to 2am, I have been reading all sorts online in the hours since I came to bed. Luke is fast asleep next to me, but sleep for me will not come.

Since the scan on Tuesday I have to admit that I felt defeated, that this pregnancy was destined to end without a baby. Although we don't have an official diagnosis, I took the prognosis to mean one of almost certainty. I felt myself take a step back from the pregnancy and my baby and somewhat disconnect.

I don't know what changed today, whether I just needed time to absorb what I had been told, whether my gut feeling had taken over the inclination to just lay down and not move, or whether the fight for my babies life won out, something made me take out the report from the scan, have another read and start collating information online.

I started out reading about Edward’s Syndrome and how bleak the diagnosis is. I have been in forums and tried to see if there is any hope, any hope at all. I know for some people they would carry on just so they could hold their baby for anytime that they may have, but for me Edwards is just to cruel... If it is that I will have to take actions to ensure my baby feels no pain.

Something in me though doesn’t believe it is Edward’s Syndrome (T18), It’s just a gut feeling, a sense that I believe is tied to the harmony test coming back low risk for the 3 main trisomies. I can't get my head around how it would come back low risk for something that my baby would have?

It has to be something else...It has to.

Following the scan on Tuesday I haven’t listened to baby on my at home Doppler. I didn’t see the point, I know the heartbeat sounds as it should, but I also know what shows on the scan. If this pregnancy was going to end in termination for medical grounds... Why listen to the beat of a heart that ultimately I would be responsible for ceasing, for stopping forever?

I cancelled my belated 16 week midwife appointment, I messaged explaining about our bad news and how I didn't think I needed the appointmnet anymore.

I couldn’t justify going to this appointment after the news, the way I have been has been pretty up and down. One minute I am ok, the next something pulls the rug from beneath me again and the tears don't feel like they will end. I would have just cried at this appointment, she would probably check the heartbeat and tell me that everything was ok, when I know that isn't the case. I already knew the heartbeat sounded normal and healthy. It was the findings on the scan that we’re sounding the alarm bells.

I’ve spent the rest of this week coming to terms with what I had been told. Up until tonight I have to admit that I had lost all hope, I have been reading into terminations for medical reasons because I don’t want to inflict pain on my baby. I don’t want to see them suffer. I was even reading into baby cremations and ash jewellery.

My internet searches went from your typical pregnancy symptoms to tragedy overnight.

I’ve had moments where I’ve completely lost it, like Wednesday when the pushchair I had ordered arrived. I had literally ordered it the night before the gender scan when I believed everything was ok, ironically if I had waited one more day, I wouldn't have ordered it.

I cried angry tears, sad tears and disappointed tears. Then somewhere among it all something dark and twisty made me whole heartedly laugh. 

Tomorrow morning I should have been sitting my appointment at Fetal Medicine in Birmingham, but for some reason yesterday they called to cancel that appointment. I now have to wait the entire weekend to see them and finally get my Amniocentisis that will lead me to more answers, and more difficult decisions on this already rocky road.

Part of me is annoyed and incredibly angry that I have to wait even longer for more answers, but there's another part of me that is relishing the time. For a few days atleast I can pretend everything is ok, I can live in ignorance and wish for a happy ending. 

I refused to check the baby’s heartbeat at home right up until tonight, but something changed within me this evening. Despite everything that happened this week, despite where my mind had gone I don’t feel I can give up all hope just yet.

I need to pick myself up from the position I have curled up in on the floor, look into every scenario, and have hope that it may not be Trisomy 18. It could be something else. Until the results from the Amnio come in, I have to believe that there is hope.

I’ve been reading everything I can, trying to ponder if it could be any other condition than trisomy 18 and a promised death sentance.

It feels weird saying I’m willing any other condition to fit, to almost will a diagnosis on your unborn child, but when you have been told it could be a condition that means you won’t get your baby at the end of it, a different condition opposed to no condition is the next best thing.

From what I have been told my baby is showing on ultrasound, there is a chance it could be a couple of other conditions, but I can't help leaning toward Noonan Syndrome.

From this latest ultrasound these are the notes that I have on my report:

- Despite BMI of 20 very difficult views as baby very curled up and breech.

- Placenta appears bulky.

- Posterior Fossa appears abnormal with dilated 4th ventricle.

- Lateral Ventricles 5.4mm - This is a normal measurement.

- Dolicephalic head shape (longer than expected).

- Unable to get clear views of spine (the scan images were not a good view).

- Bladder not seen (but it has been on previous scans).

- Heart views abnormal: Abnormal Axis, deviated to the left. Rate normal but brief bradycardia (where the rate drops, and this can happen in perfectly healthy babies). Only Pulmonary artery seen in 3VV. Left outflow tract seen arising from Left ventricle but unable to demonstarte in 3VV. Right heart appears enlarged.

- Unable to visualise face clearly (thanks to the view again...)

- Feet apear rocker bottomed.

- Aware high chance of chromosomal anomaly.

Not forgetting that at the gender scan, it was mentioned that it looked like the baby had potential scolosis of the lower spine (I am learning so many new medical terms in this pregnancy), although the spine wasn't visualised for further comment on this occasion.

The consultant did talk about potential Hypoplastic Heart Syndrome, so that could account for the heart, but I can't recall if she said Left or Right. What I need to understand is whether the findings on their own without Trisomy 18 give my baby a good chance. I need to have the echo scan to find out more about Nugget's heart, and I need the views to be better of baby.

I am wondering if a fetal MRI could be an option, or if an internal scan will provide a better insight to what is going on with baby. With the views on the scan being less than poor, I need to be completely certain that this is not affecting the findings.

 For now all I can do is wait, and hope. Even with all of the above listed against my baby, if it isn't Trisomy 18, then there is hope. If there is a quality of life for my baby, I will fight tooth hook and nail for life.

For now all I can do it wait and hope.



-

16 Weeks Pregnant

As the 16th week of pregnancy arrived we found ourselves jetting off to Venice for the last leg of our trip. 

In the last week I am either starting to show or I have eaten way to much pizza, I am still unsure what the main answer to that scenario is... my belly is certainly feeling harder and is more protruding but I can’t decide if it’s partly bloat from the food I’ve over indulged in. 

Upon the first afternoon in Venice while we were stood right in the very heart watching some street entertainers, my Father sent me a link to some news I would rather not have received given my current location...

North Italy was now Europe’s biggest Coronavirus outbreak, wonderful. Suddenly it all made sense, upon arrival into Italy we had our temperatures checked before we were granted access. Everyone around us on the streets of Venice were pretty much kitted out in masks.

I can’t lie it did put a cloud over everything and we found ourselves staying away and not doing as much as we had hoped. Equally though I think we were completely tired out. 

I did actually enquire with EasyJet about amending our flights to a day earlier, but they were unwilling to accommodate unless we paid additional fees. This did really frustrate me given that we were not provided any information on what was going on in Venice before we departed London, and literally arrived to be thrown into it.

Given that my anxiety was already super high, this did not help and I do feel that EasyJet’s current advice does not reflect the worry and over all media attention in regards to Covid19.

I have been asked to take the rest of the week off work due to where I have been, and I have been in close discussion with the school that Leo attends. I’ve spoken to NHS 111 and their advice right now is to carry on as normal as we have not been in the quarantined/infected areas and as we are symptom free. Therefore Leo is being welcomed back to school (much to the dismay of other parents I feel). 

I was pretty certain that this week I felt Nugget’s first movements. It was like a big low down flutter across the front of my belly, and then 3 little pops a short time later. I haven’t felt anything since though, so I’m hoping that over this next week I feel more movement and they begin to get stronger.

As I’ve been out of the country so much this half term, I was yet to book my 16 week midwife appointment. I made this a priority when we got back, and managed to get it booked for the following week on the 4th March.

The countdown is now on to find out if we are welcoming a baby boy or girl. I am more anxious to find out that everything is still ok though, I keep telling myself that there is no reason for anything to have changed on that front, but we all know that I am a complete worry wart by now! 

The only pregnancy symptom I would say is still sticking around is that my boobs are still sore, I was never really full of symptoms anyway, but apart from what I think is a growing bump, sore boobs are all that remains from those first tell tale signs of early pregnancy.

At 16+5 I experienced the first cramp in my leg, I remembered this from my pregnancy with Leo. It had been our first day back at home and I had been busy washing all of the holiday clothes. We went to bed, and I awoke in the middle of the night to the pain of my left leg cramping up. 

Thankfully I remembered that by flattening my foot, it helps to eliviate the shooting pain that comes with it. It was painful enough to wake me up though! 

The following morning, I decided to stretch and got a second cramp... this time in the right leg! 

16 weeks for me is a milestone week as it means that I am no longer sent to the early pregnancy unit for anything, I can now be seen at the triage which gives me more scope should I need to speak to someone out of hours.

15 Weeks Pregnant

We have spent my 15th week of pregnancy jetting all over the place, we kickstarted it off in New York City and then flew back to London for a few days, by the time I turn 16 weeks pregnant we will be flying out to Venice.

I had managed to worm myself back to the peak of anxiety just before our trip and took myself back for a second reassurance scan at BabyFace4D, I was convinced that this time my nerves would be settled once and for all. For the most part that was true, and I was able to enjoy NYC to the full and spend time with my 2 boys.

During our exceptionally busy few days in the big apple, I had another super weird dream (we should all be used to this by now right?) In this dream you could meet your unborn baby before birth. By means of science your baby could continue to grow outside utero if they stayed connected by the umbilical cord. In my dream I was holding our baby, a little boy, who was about the 15 weeks that I am now (my dreams always seem in tune with my actual pregnancy) and all of a sudden the cord severed.

I got hysterical, knowing that this now meant my baby was born to early into the world. We rushed to the hospital to see if they could operate and re-attach the cord.

Then I woke up..... Thankfully!

The flight to New York was no problem, I was equipped with my flight socks and made sure to drink lots of water. I had been worried about flying because of the potential risk of DVT (Deep Vein Thrombosis), but on the way back I soon felt like I had pressure in my ankles from swelling. Automatically my brain started thinking about potential blood clots.

I kept exercising my ankles and standing up when o could to keep movement circulating, but I was so glad to get off the plane and check into our London hotel. By the next day my ankles were feeling more normal again.

At 15 weeks I still haven’t felt moment, I was hoping that by now I would have as I have a posterior placenta this time around. Alas, nothing. Yet. 

I have found that I have been sleeping really well this week due to the amount of walking that we have been doing, we have marched all over New York and then done exactly the same in London. We’ve eaten so much food, and I can’t decide if my tummy is bigger because of this, or because I am finally starting to show? 

I guess we shall see over the next few weeks....

It is starting to feel more solid at the bottom, but I can’t really remember how it all started with Leo. That’s the problem with having babies with a big age gap! 

I had wanted to pack my Doppler for our travels but unfortunately forgot, the last few days I have been kicking myself about this. It’s only a few more days now until we head home, and it will be time to get my 16 week midwife appointment booked in.

One thing is for sure, I will be glad to get home now. We have all had a fantastic time but it’s been a lot of travelling and running around, it will be nice to get home and back into a routine (and maybe even start taking things easier!).

We have the gender scan coming up next weekend which I am really excited about, but at the same time I’ve been feeling really nervous that the travelling will have harmed the baby in some way, I know it most likely hasn’t and pregnant ladies travel everyday, but with everything else that has been thrown our way over the last 3 and a bit months, I can’t help but worry. 

It will be so lovely to finally know if we are welcoming a baby brother or baby sister for Leo, and I think once we know this, is when I can really start thinking about what to buy. If we are having a girl then I’ll need to start looking at a whole new wardrobe, if we are having a boy...well the beautiful thing Is that as Leo was a June baby, we will be able to make use of pretty much most things again due to us having another Summer baby!

We are well on the way to 20 weeks now (my milestone week!), and we finally made our pregnancy announcement this week. It was from the Top of The Rock while we were state side, and it’s so nice that everything is out in the open (I have even started sharing my blog posts that have been sat in my drafts, some since November!).

I think I have to accept that this time around my anxiety is going to be a consistent force throughout this pregnancy, I’m normally very calm and don’t like to panic or over react, but I am going to give into however I feel, if I think I need to be monitored I won’t hesitate about calling up triage. 

I’m so glad that I am almost 16 weeks, from this point I can call triage for assessment should I need to (this is a milestone in itself). 

For now though I feel pretty good, the sore boobs are still there, but aside from a larger tummy (that doesn’t even resemble my pre pregnancy tummy anymore) I don’t have any other symptoms. 

This baby needs to start wiggling around now so that they can be felt, and maybe I can finally relax a little.