Second Trimester - The 20 Week Anomaly Scan

 20 Week Scan – Halfway There

This week, something started to shift in a really magical way — the movements that once felt like faint pops and gentle pushes began to feel more like actual little kicks. They still weren’t strong enough to be felt from the outside just yet, probably because of my anterior placenta cushioning things a little. But I could definitely tell that our baby boy was getting stronger every single day.

One evening, Graham had his arm resting across my stomach, and just as baby boy wriggled, he looked up and said he could feel something too. It wasn’t a full-on kick, but it was enough to know he was there — active and growing. It’s these tiny shared moments that make everything start to feel even more real.

On Monday 14th July, I reached 20 weeks and 2 days pregnant with our baby boy — officially halfway. Half baked, as they say. It’s such a milestone, and it came around so quickly.

My scan was booked for the morning at our local hospital, just down the road, so I was able to pop out from work for an hour. Graham couldn’t make it this time, but since we’d had the consultant scan at Worcester the week before — and been reassured that structurally, our little man was in good shape — I told him not to worry. We just needed confirmation on one thing: his tiny feet.

I promised I’d call him the moment I came out of the appointment.

I sat in the waiting area feeling pretty calm. After the consultant had told us she couldn’t rule out club foot last week (only because she hadn’t managed to see both feet clearly), I’d quietly carried a small cloud of worry with me. But now, with everything else looking positive, I was holding onto hope.

I was called through to the same scan room we’d been in for our 12-week scan — the one just before the wedding back in May. It felt surreal to be back again, now visibly pregnant, time flying by.

I explained to the sonographer about last week’s scan and how important it was to get a good look at baby’s feet. She checked my notes and explained that since he was measured recently, they wouldn’t repeat that today — instead, they’d just be checking his anatomy and ticking things off.

And tick things off she did. Heart, brain, spine, kidneys, bladder, stomach — all there, all healthy. Then came the moment I’d been holding my breath for: the feet. Two perfect little feet, clear as anything on the screen. Not a single hint of club foot, left or right.

I instantly felt a wave of relief and happiness. One perfect little boy, growing exactly as he should.

There was good news all around — normal liquor volume, a healthy heartbeat, and no concerns flagged up. Because of Louis’s IUGR and low birth weight, they did say I’d probably be brought back for growth scans later on. They also checked the tiny blood vessels feeding the placenta — which was incredible in itself, hearing the beat of something so small. One side they got easily, but the other was being nudged repeatedly by a pair of little feet bouncing off my bladder! Still, the readings were good, and based on that, I may not need another NHS scan until 36 weeks.

I left with a fresh batch of scan photos, including one of his two perfect feet and another sweet side profile of his growing face. I called Graham the moment I stepped outside to share the news: he’s perfect. Everything looks beautiful.

And as for me? I’ve really popped this week. There’s no hiding this bump anymore! While waiting to be seen, a woman passing by smiled and told me how lovely and neat my bump looked — it was such a kind thing to hear.

We’re getting more and more organised by the day. Little man’s hospital bag is already mostly packed, just a few bits like nappies left to add. I’ve started gathering things for my own bag too, and ticking off the final bits on our baby checklist.

Everything is progressing beautifully. We’re halfway there. 

19 Weeks Pregnant: Back Under the Consultant’s Wing

On Monday 8th July, I walked back through the familiar doors of Worcester Hospital for my consultant appointment — now 19 weeks pregnant. It’s hard to believe the wedding was already six weeks ago. Life had shifted quickly since then. We were firmly back home and gradually settling into the calm after the chaos of our wedding and honeymoon.

Both Graham’s and my houses were sold, with completion just around the corner. We were full of excitement as we prepared to buy a beautiful Grade II listed family home in a local village — the kind of home that seems made for noisy breakfasts, muddy wellies by the door, and children running through the halls. It already felt like the perfect space to raise a family. The idea of bringing our baby boy home there in November felt incredibly special.

But first, came the hurdle of this scan. The 19-week consultant appointment. A chance to get a proper look at how our little man was growing — and, most importantly, to check his heart again after that sneak peak we had back at week 17. This was the moment we were hoping to finally exhale, to let ourselves believe that this time no matter what, we really were bringing our baby boy home.

My second son, Louis, was born in 2020. He had a congenital heart defect called Tetralogy of Fallot. While it was a condition that could have been surgically repaired after birth, Louis also had extremely low amniotic fluid throughout the pregnancy — which meant his lungs never developed. The combination of those two complications was ultimately unsurvivable. Louis lived for just a few precious hours.

Louis wasn’t Graham’s son, but Graham has been an incredible support through my pregnancy with him, my friend back then — patient, loving, and steady. He knows how much is riding on each appointment, each scan, and he came with me to this one as he has done all of them so far, both of us hoping for peace of mind.

Sadly, my usual consultant wasn’t available that day. I’ve formed such a strong bond with her, and she’s walked with me through every step of this journey. The stand-in consultant was kind and professional, but that deeper emotional connection was missing — and for me, that made the whole experience feel a bit more clinical, a bit more fragile.

As the scan began, I stayed quiet. I’ve learnt how vital these scans are, how much they can reveal — and how much hangs in the silence between each spoken word.

She carefully worked through the anatomy check, taking time to show us our baby boy’s heart and the way the blood was flowing. After a while, she said what I had been waiting for

“His heart looks fine.” Although we had the scan a few weeks back which set us up for this good news, it was nice hearing it officially at the scan where the thourough look was taking place.

Then came another sigh of relief — the amniotic fluid around him was still at a normal level. Something so simple, but after Louis, so significant. Two of the biggest hurdles… and we were clearing them.

She continued with her checks — brain, cerebellum, bladder, kidneys — and then she reached his little feet. That’s when she paused. A long pause. I knew immediately what she was looking to rule out club foot.

Baby boy had his feet crossed and absolutely refused to move. She jiggled my tummy, poked gently, tried everything — but he was not having it. Eventually, she was able to see the left foot and said it looked completely normal. But the right foot? He just wouldn’t show her.

She was clear with us: this didn’t mean there was anything wrong — just that she couldn’t see the right foot well enough to confirm. But for someone who’s experienced the trauma of loss, even words like “we just couldn’t get a view” can be enough to send you spinning.

I kept telling myself, “Even if he does have a poorly foot, we can fix it. He’ll be okay. He really will be okay.” But there was a moment earlier in the scan that kept playing in my head — when she asked, “Is this your first scan this pregnancy?” It left me wondering whether she had seen something that concerned her. And that little seed of doubt, once planted, is hard to ignore.

Eventually, I managed to talk myself down. Nothing had been found — just not seen. All I had to do was make it through the next few days until the 20-week scan on Monday 14th July, when hopefully, we’d get the reassurance we needed.

Because beyond that scan lies a dream I’ve held onto ever since we got that positive pregnancy test back in March.

To have a healthy baby.

To stay low-risk.

To have the water birth I’ve longed for.

To finally walk out of those hospital doors with my baby boy in my arms.

And to bring him home — really home — to our forever family house, where he belongs.

25 weeks pregnant

25 weeks was a milestone week for Nugget's movements, just like they were with Leo. Up until this week I had to be lay down in order to feel him moving around. I found that at 25+3 I could feel him moving when I was sitting up, and a a day or so later even when I was standing!

 There was one moment where baby boy kicked so hard into my belly button that I actually jumped, and I have even felt movemnts as high up as my belly button. This is the highest movement I have experienced so far.

When I woke up one morning this week I became aware that I could feel Nugget all down my right hand side, almost like he had turned and was now lenthways down my side opposed to laying across my lower tummy beneath my belly button.

It's been so nice having so much movement from him, reassuring me that he is doing ok in there despite everything that is going on. 

This week there were again no appointmnets, we have our next scan next week to see how baby boy is getting on. I have accepted that the fluid around him probably wont magically materialise, and I have accepted that these appointments will never be filled with the words that mean a miracle has happened. 

These appointments are always going to be about preparing me for the worst case scenario, they are always going to be about preparing me for the death of my unborn baby. I have made the decision that I will set mini goals for these appointmnets and if he reaches those markers I will be happy. 

All I really want is for him to keep on growing, putting on size and surviving. For this next scan I would love for him to hit the 1lb mark, and just know that his heart continues to beat strongly. I know that the fluid is gone for a reason... what that reason is no body can tell me, but it is gone. 

Keeping the hope alive has become so important to me, I don't think I could keep going if I was certain he woulnd't make it at the end. I have read so many stories where the outcome looked so bleak, but the babies pulled through in the end. 

I know that whatever happens my little guy is going to have to keep fighting even after the pregnancy, we know he has the heart condition Tetralogy of Fallot, but there could be other factors we need to consider should he defy all the odds and make it into this world. 

One thing that I have been unsually happy about is this, regardless of what happens now. No matter what happens. My baby boy get's a birth certificate, he's a real little person and whether or not I get to bring him home or not... He existed, he has a name and he matters.

My bump is looking rounder this week, more like a baby bump and less like chub. I would love for my tummy to fully pop and to actually look pregnant like I did with Leo. Due to the low fluid and growing a small baby, I am not suffering with back ache or having trouble getting to sleep each night. 

In a weird way it is another aspect of being pregnant that I have been robbed of.

 

I have found speaking out about what is going on in my pregancy refreshing. Back in February we announced that we were expecting, and instead of having to have individual conversations with people about the turn the pregnancy was actually taking, I decided to be quite vocal in what was happening. 

I have done this on my blog and on my personal social media, it has meant that I can update everyone in one go. I don't need to have one to one chat's with everyone I know and get emotional, I can think about what I want to say and how I want to say it before I put it out there.

People have been incredibly supportive, some have even gone as far as saying how brave it is. I don't consider it brave, if anything it's a way of addressing everyone in one go to spare myself. At the same time though I have been able to reach ladies who are going through a similar journey, and we have been able to guide each other on this journey into the unknown. 

I have been caught off guard a few times where people have congratulated me, and I have looked blankly at them wondering what the kind regards are for... then I realise they are congratulating my pregnancy. I should just say thank you, but I can't help but look at them with confused eyes.

It's another week under the belt, another day closer to the 26 week scan that I was told we may not make... But I have high hopes that we will!

 

The 20 Week Scan & FULL Amniocentisis Results

The 20 week scan is usually something you cannot wait to experience. To see how much your baby has grown in the weeks following the dating scan, but as mine rolled around I was anything but excited. 

I was actually really anxious, and with good reason.

Those that have been following my pregnancy will know that it’s all been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. A high Nuchal translucency test revealed 4.7mm of fluid on the back of our babies neck at 10 weeks, we then had a low risk NIPT (Harmony Test) for the three trisomies and began to try and relax and enjoy the pregnancy. Then at a private gender scan the rug was pulled from beneath our feet and we landed flat on our backs, when the sonogropher found a number of ‘differences’ in our baby. 

That threw us back into the waiting arms of fetal medicine, and we discovered that on top of the structural concerns for our little baby, we also had the worry of Oligohydramnios... Also known as low amniotic fluid. 

The 20 week Scan day arrived and was set Thursday 19th March.

Today.

I sat in the local hospital waiting area with Luke and Leo, wondering if they would both be allowed in... Leo was off school as we have been self isolating due to the latest government advice surrounding Covid 19 and pregnant ladies, and lets face it... I don't need anything else to go wrong at this stage.

When my name was called, they advised that Luke would have to stay outside with Leo, so I went in alone. Luke hasn’t seen baby since the last time he was able to take me to Birmingham Women’s hospital weeks and weeks ago, which thinking back was the 12 week Fetal Medicine Appointment.

I couldn’t get my head around how Leo was allowed in to the fetal medicine appointment and even witness the Amniocentisis... but not here. 

I had spent the week from my echo scan to my 20 week scan guzzling water and peeing like a race horse. I hoped and had everything crossed that when the Doppler hit my stomach at my 20 week scan, we would see the baby more clearly because the fluid was returning. 

Of course, that was not the case.

The fluid was now very low, so low that the sonogropher couldn’t measure the deepest pool because there wasn’t one. I believe that there is still some fluid around baby, but the sac is almost comparable to a straight jacket. Baby boy cannot really move and that would explain why I have not felt him, and at this stage I have resigned myself to the fact that I probably will never feel him wiggle from within me.

I had explained to the lady scanning me how this was so far from your average pregnancy, and she confirmed that she had already read my notes and didn’t know how much help she would be to me. I was already aware that this would be the case, so it wasn’t a shock.

All I really wanted and needed from this appointment was confirmation on the amniotic fluid. This lady did her darnedest though, she tried to look at baby in as much detail as she possibly could, and it’s always interesting to hear how people describe the anomalies that they are seeing.

When she looked in baby boy's head she said that the cerebellum ‘looked small but normal’ - I had been told in previous appointments that it was ‘abnormal and small’ but not that it was abnormal just due to its size. This confirmed that it was the right shape, but small.... but considering baby is well below the plotted expectancy for 19+5 isn’t that to be half expected in some way, shape or form?

At just under 20 weeks my little baby boy is measuring around 17 weeks, around 2 weeks below where he should be. Low amniotic fluid does restrict growth, so I would guess that is also to be expected.

Baby boy’s hands were up by his face, it was almost a comfort to know that he could soothe himself with his little hands. This was the first scan since 14 weeks that I had seen the baby’s profile and at least he seems to have resigned from his breech position. To obtain the image you can see at the top of this post the sonogropher had to bring the doppler all the way over to the left side of my stomach, as simple being above baby didn't generate much that looked like a baby at all.

The sonogropher printed me some scans and told me that she couldn’t get a frontal view of baby’s face to look and see if the baby was effected by cleft palete, but in the next breath said ‘but given everything else would it be the end of the world if the baby was born with cleft palete?’

Of course the answer to this was no, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. What I wouldn’t do to bring this little man into the world and give him a fighting chance. 

This pretty much concluded the scan, I was shown back to the waiting area while the report was drawn up. When she brought it out a few moments later she wished me luck, but I could see the sorrowful look in her eyes, she didn’t think that this baby would make it even if she didn't say it.

I have to admit that seeing that low level of fluid had me on the same page. How could a baby grow and develop with such a little amount of fluid? Especially during this crucial time of the lungs developing. 

I explained everything to Luke, and Leo for that matter. We have been very open and honest about all that is going on as ultimately Leo needs to be as prepared as possible for what and most likely will happen. 

We arrived home and I resumed my fetal position on the couch with a large glass of water. I flicked through Netflix undecided on what to watch, then my phone rang. No Caller ID could only be the Women’s Hospital, and this could mean the full array results from my Amniocentisis were back from the lab. 

The Fetal Medicine Midwife Sarah confirmed that she did have my results. I was told that they were ALL CLEAR, there were no chromosome abnormalities with our baby boy. Atleast not anything that they test for.

This should have made me happy, put a big smile on my face and given me hope in my heart, but seeing my little baby on today’s scan with no where to move or turn... there was still a problem. A problem that meant I probably won’t get my baby boy at the end of this long, long road.

A problem that we didn't even see coming, despite all of the other mountains we have had to climb. After passing each test that has come our way, baby boy is still having to climb mountains, but those mountains require him to be in his safe bubble of amniotic fluid, fluid that keeps decreasing, and stealing hope.

I filled Sarah in on the latest scan, I asked if my baby would be in any pain. I was told that he wouldn’t be and that we would go through ‘all the options’ on Tuesday at my next echocardiogram with the consultants. 

I think I can hazard a guess at what the next options may present to me. I’ve been thinking about it all long and hard, and I am just waiting for them to tell me or at least present the option of termination.

 I don’t have it in me to end my baby boys life. 

I’ve already decided that I will stay pregnant as long as I can, I will say no to any offer of termination, I will let my body decide what happens, and I will keep fighting for that little heartbeat even though everything seems so bleak.
 
I am 20 weeks on Sunday - Mother’s Day, it’s just to cruel to let us get half way through this pregnancy after everything that we have been through and done for us to just exhaust all options now. 

I remember writing in a previous post that my biggest milestone was to get to 20 weeks, I’m almost there. Baby boy still has a strong heartbeat and I know that we’re still 4 whole weeks off being ‘viable’ and I most likely won’t get that far... but I have to try. I have to try knowing that even if we did get to 24 weeks that he could be born and we would most likely lose him anyway, but I have to try.

I can't be the one resposible for stopping his little heart beating. I can't be the one to ultimately decide to end his life, and I wont. 

I’m weirdly ok about it all, I am prepared for the worst. It won't be some big shock if anything does happen.

I’ve somehow accepted this, but I can’t give up and I won’t give up. 

Luke has said that he will support whatever decision I have made, and it might sound crazy but I’ve already made my mind up. 

One way or another I’m seeing this through for my baby boy. 

16 Weeks Pregnant

As the 16th week of pregnancy arrived we found ourselves jetting off to Venice for the last leg of our trip. 

In the last week I am either starting to show or I have eaten way to much pizza, I am still unsure what the main answer to that scenario is... my belly is certainly feeling harder and is more protruding but I can’t decide if it’s partly bloat from the food I’ve over indulged in. 

Upon the first afternoon in Venice while we were stood right in the very heart watching some street entertainers, my Father sent me a link to some news I would rather not have received given my current location...

North Italy was now Europe’s biggest Coronavirus outbreak, wonderful. Suddenly it all made sense, upon arrival into Italy we had our temperatures checked before we were granted access. Everyone around us on the streets of Venice were pretty much kitted out in masks.

I can’t lie it did put a cloud over everything and we found ourselves staying away and not doing as much as we had hoped. Equally though I think we were completely tired out. 

I did actually enquire with EasyJet about amending our flights to a day earlier, but they were unwilling to accommodate unless we paid additional fees. This did really frustrate me given that we were not provided any information on what was going on in Venice before we departed London, and literally arrived to be thrown into it.

Given that my anxiety was already super high, this did not help and I do feel that EasyJet’s current advice does not reflect the worry and over all media attention in regards to Covid19.

I have been asked to take the rest of the week off work due to where I have been, and I have been in close discussion with the school that Leo attends. I’ve spoken to NHS 111 and their advice right now is to carry on as normal as we have not been in the quarantined/infected areas and as we are symptom free. Therefore Leo is being welcomed back to school (much to the dismay of other parents I feel). 

I was pretty certain that this week I felt Nugget’s first movements. It was like a big low down flutter across the front of my belly, and then 3 little pops a short time later. I haven’t felt anything since though, so I’m hoping that over this next week I feel more movement and they begin to get stronger.

As I’ve been out of the country so much this half term, I was yet to book my 16 week midwife appointment. I made this a priority when we got back, and managed to get it booked for the following week on the 4th March.

The countdown is now on to find out if we are welcoming a baby boy or girl. I am more anxious to find out that everything is still ok though, I keep telling myself that there is no reason for anything to have changed on that front, but we all know that I am a complete worry wart by now! 

The only pregnancy symptom I would say is still sticking around is that my boobs are still sore, I was never really full of symptoms anyway, but apart from what I think is a growing bump, sore boobs are all that remains from those first tell tale signs of early pregnancy.

At 16+5 I experienced the first cramp in my leg, I remembered this from my pregnancy with Leo. It had been our first day back at home and I had been busy washing all of the holiday clothes. We went to bed, and I awoke in the middle of the night to the pain of my left leg cramping up. 

Thankfully I remembered that by flattening my foot, it helps to eliviate the shooting pain that comes with it. It was painful enough to wake me up though! 

The following morning, I decided to stretch and got a second cramp... this time in the right leg! 

16 weeks for me is a milestone week as it means that I am no longer sent to the early pregnancy unit for anything, I can now be seen at the triage which gives me more scope should I need to speak to someone out of hours.

Surprise! We’re Having our Rainbow Baby!

We have been keeping a little secret for the last 15 weeks, we will be welcoming our second baby into the world in August!

I am due around my birthday which is just completely lovely, I turn 31 on August 8th and baby is due the following day on August 9th.

It’s not been the easiest 15 weeks, we had some health concerns for the baby that means following a 10 week scan we were referred to Birmingham Fetal Medicine for additional scans and tests. I won’t go into that on this post, but I have of course been blogging behind the scenes so I can share our story with you now, following this happy post, a post I have been waiting to share when I know everything is ok.

Thankfully we have been given the green light and everything is looking good with our little rainbow, which is the best outcome I didn’t dare dream 5 weeks ago. 

We are currently in New York City, and we decided it would be here that we announce the impending arrival of our second, and much wanted baby.

Nugget is arriving August 2020 and we are so excited, and it’s so nice to see Leo so happy about being a big brother. 

FINALLY! 

15 Weeks Pregnant

We have spent my 15th week of pregnancy jetting all over the place, we kickstarted it off in New York City and then flew back to London for a few days, by the time I turn 16 weeks pregnant we will be flying out to Venice.

I had managed to worm myself back to the peak of anxiety just before our trip and took myself back for a second reassurance scan at BabyFace4D, I was convinced that this time my nerves would be settled once and for all. For the most part that was true, and I was able to enjoy NYC to the full and spend time with my 2 boys.

During our exceptionally busy few days in the big apple, I had another super weird dream (we should all be used to this by now right?) In this dream you could meet your unborn baby before birth. By means of science your baby could continue to grow outside utero if they stayed connected by the umbilical cord. In my dream I was holding our baby, a little boy, who was about the 15 weeks that I am now (my dreams always seem in tune with my actual pregnancy) and all of a sudden the cord severed.

I got hysterical, knowing that this now meant my baby was born to early into the world. We rushed to the hospital to see if they could operate and re-attach the cord.

Then I woke up..... Thankfully!

The flight to New York was no problem, I was equipped with my flight socks and made sure to drink lots of water. I had been worried about flying because of the potential risk of DVT (Deep Vein Thrombosis), but on the way back I soon felt like I had pressure in my ankles from swelling. Automatically my brain started thinking about potential blood clots.

I kept exercising my ankles and standing up when o could to keep movement circulating, but I was so glad to get off the plane and check into our London hotel. By the next day my ankles were feeling more normal again.

At 15 weeks I still haven’t felt moment, I was hoping that by now I would have as I have a posterior placenta this time around. Alas, nothing. Yet. 

I have found that I have been sleeping really well this week due to the amount of walking that we have been doing, we have marched all over New York and then done exactly the same in London. We’ve eaten so much food, and I can’t decide if my tummy is bigger because of this, or because I am finally starting to show? 

I guess we shall see over the next few weeks....

It is starting to feel more solid at the bottom, but I can’t really remember how it all started with Leo. That’s the problem with having babies with a big age gap! 

I had wanted to pack my Doppler for our travels but unfortunately forgot, the last few days I have been kicking myself about this. It’s only a few more days now until we head home, and it will be time to get my 16 week midwife appointment booked in.

One thing is for sure, I will be glad to get home now. We have all had a fantastic time but it’s been a lot of travelling and running around, it will be nice to get home and back into a routine (and maybe even start taking things easier!).

We have the gender scan coming up next weekend which I am really excited about, but at the same time I’ve been feeling really nervous that the travelling will have harmed the baby in some way, I know it most likely hasn’t and pregnant ladies travel everyday, but with everything else that has been thrown our way over the last 3 and a bit months, I can’t help but worry. 

It will be so lovely to finally know if we are welcoming a baby brother or baby sister for Leo, and I think once we know this, is when I can really start thinking about what to buy. If we are having a girl then I’ll need to start looking at a whole new wardrobe, if we are having a boy...well the beautiful thing Is that as Leo was a June baby, we will be able to make use of pretty much most things again due to us having another Summer baby!

We are well on the way to 20 weeks now (my milestone week!), and we finally made our pregnancy announcement this week. It was from the Top of The Rock while we were state side, and it’s so nice that everything is out in the open (I have even started sharing my blog posts that have been sat in my drafts, some since November!).

I think I have to accept that this time around my anxiety is going to be a consistent force throughout this pregnancy, I’m normally very calm and don’t like to panic or over react, but I am going to give into however I feel, if I think I need to be monitored I won’t hesitate about calling up triage. 

I’m so glad that I am almost 16 weeks, from this point I can call triage for assessment should I need to (this is a milestone in itself). 

For now though I feel pretty good, the sore boobs are still there, but aside from a larger tummy (that doesn’t even resemble my pre pregnancy tummy anymore) I don’t have any other symptoms. 

This baby needs to start wiggling around now so that they can be felt, and maybe I can finally relax a little. 

14 Weeks Pregnant

The day I turned 14 weeks pregnant I had the most real, most awful dream. 

It was so vivid that it felt like it was really happening. I was standing with Luke, I don’t know where we were, but he was on the phone. I was 14 weeks pregnant and I felt the baby moving and wiggling really low down. 

So low down that it felt like the baby was falling out.

The next thing I know the baby has wiggled out and is lay in my hands. Our baby was a little girl and was still very much alive, her face was moving and her little mouth was opening and closing, her eyes closed tight. I held her as she took her last little gasps before she left this world.

Then dream Laura became hysterical. 

I felt like this dream lasted forever, and I can still see the little details and features on her tiny little face as she lay in my hand.

I can’t get the image out of my head.

I’m writing this just after waking up, and I’m just so glad that it was all a big horrible dream.

Of course the first thing I did, after calming down of course and convincing myself that it hadn't really happened... Was have a play with the doppler. I know this isn't meant to be for reassurance, I know that people advise against it, but now I am pretty confident in finding baby's heartbeat (eventually) and have a round about idea where baby will be, I just can't help it.

Hearing the beat of Nugget's heart is just incredible and I don't think that it will ever get old. 

Thankfully since this not so pleasant dream on Saturday night, I haven't had anymore like this. Aren't pregnancy dreams just something else? Following this dream though, I can't help thinking that we have a baby girl growing away in there!

We won't officially know until Saturday 29th Feb, but before that we have a lot going on what with our looming trip to New York, London and then Venice for good measure!

At 14 weeks my boobs still hurt, and I am getting some shooting pains through them from time to time, I have been continuing to nap more, and often find myself in front of Netflix having missed almsot entire episodes just to how easy sleep appartently descends on me these days!

I am at that awkward in between stage with clothes and have been living in my gym leggings. I did try my pre-pregnancy jeans on the other week and although they did up, they were far from comfortable!

I have been sent some really lovely Maternity Leggings from Love Leggings, I ordered a pair of Grey Marl in size 8 which is my usual size, they fit beautifully on my legs and bum but I still have lots of room in the bump to fill right now. I wore them for the first time yesterday and they were so comfortable, it was like wearing PJ bottoms.

I love how stretchy the fabric is and how they stretch up over your bump to offer support like a warm hug. I will be packing these for my trip to New York and expect that I will be wearing them for all the travelling as they are going to be the most comfortable option for me.

I'll update how I get on with the leggings as my bump continues to grow (and of course share plenty of bump photos, because it's not everyday you have a bump!) - I also have a pair of their new Maternity Tights to try, I believe these aren't for sale just yet, so I will keep you posted with this too!

I was pondering what I will be packing to take with me this coming Sunday, and everything I am considering boasts the 'comfortable' factor. I will be leaving my pretty dresses at home and thinking sensibly for once!

Tuesday 11th February would have been my due date with the baby I lost back in July. I felt ok in regards to this, but had a day of complete anxiety in regards to my current pregnancy. I convinced myself that I was going to suffer an incompetent cervix and that the dream I had earlier in the week might actually just come true...

I manged to gain some clarity and calm myself down. That night as I was sorting washing I looked over at Luke and chuckled. He asked me what was funny, and I suddenly saw the funny side of how dramatic I was being. I laughed relentlessly, well.. until I cried. 

I laughed and cried at the same time.

I think it is some weird and wonderful pregnancy trick.


On the back of this I have booked myself in for a private scan tomorrow. I just want to know that everything is ok still, calm my anxiety and see if she can check that everything is closed 'down there'.

I recieved a call from the midwife at Worcester Hospital today too, they had finally got my results and progress from Birmingham Women's hospital (apparently it took some chasing) - I wasn't aware that this would now be followed up with Worcester, so that's positive. They advised that I would be under the care of a consultant/midwife, so I don't know how that extra care is going to look at this point.

They did advise that from 28 weeks I will be recieving 3 additional scans just to keep an eye on baby and their growth. This news made my heart fly, I was worried that following the 20 week scan, that would be it. I knew my anxiety would go through the roof. I am beyond happy that they will keep a closer eye on us.

The final baby related appointmnet before we jetted off on our half term travels, was the second reassurance scan that I had booked in with Babyface4d. This is the same place we went for our early scan at 8 weeks.

Of course baby was absolutely fine, nice strong heartbeat and I was told that as baby was so big now they don't measure the crown to rump length anymore. Instead they measure each limb and entity on it's own merit. I was told that everything was fine and these measurements don't really matter until the 20 week anomoly scan.

At 14 weeks baby had slightly shorter femurs than the line percentile, and she said that today she would have given me a slightly different due date to that on my notes.

I was hoping we might get a scan with a good display of the nub, but as you can see baby was feeling very awkward on this day. Their legs were firmly crossed, and we couldn't see a thing. In fact Nugget was feeling that awkward that he or she was actually floating around upside down, the sonogropher had to rotate this image for us!

I left feeling happy, there was no sign of any fluid on the babies neck. I am not going to work myself up over measurements. All I wanted and needed to know right now was that Nugget was still alive and well.

So now our travel adventure begins....

13 Weeks Pregnant & Harmony Test Results (NIPT)

13 weeks pregnant. 

The second trimester.

This time seems to have gone as slowly as it has quickly.

I seem to spend my time waiting for the next baby appointment to roll around. This week is the first week in 3 weeks that I haven’t had some form of scan or assessment, and I am missing the reassuring words that followed last weeks scan.

I have been driving myself banana's this week, worrying that the baby’s heart will have stopped beating. This is and has been my top anxiety even before the high Nuchal Translucency (NT) reading.

 This was only heightened after that of course... Nothing quite jolts you like being told your at higher risk of miscarriage now.

With each scan though I have been reassured to hear and see our baby’s strong heart beating, pumping away helping our baby grow. But from our last scan until we get back from New York at the end of February, there will be no more scans and no more assessments.

Deep down I know baby is ok and I’m being a worry wart for nothing. I keep telling myself after the next scan ‘I’ll relax and enjoy my pregnancy’, but after the initial reassurance of each scan I have had, the potential doubt enters my mind and it’s hard to shake.

If anything the extra scans haven’t helped my anxiety, I’ve become almost reliant on them. It’s like at this stage in my pregnancy I need them to let me know that Nugget is doing ok, but any reassurance I gain from the scan is short lived, and a few days later the cycle begins again.

Obviously that is far from ideal, and a scan each and every week is not going to be happening.... but I think I will get in touch with my midwife and see if she can run the doppler over my stomach to hear baby’s heartbeat before we fly to New York.

Just for peace of mind of course.

It is Thursday today - 10 days since I had my blood taken for the Harmony (NIPT) test, I’ve stayed pretty relaxed about receiving the results. I felt like I knew they would come back low risk, and today I finally got a call from the hospital. 

The midwife introduced herself and sounded like she had good news to tell me, you can just tell by the tone of people’s voices. Straight away she said ‘It’s good news!’ And then proceeded to tell me that I had received a LOW RISK for the 3 Trisomies! That means that Down Syndrome, Edwards Syndrome and Patel Syndrome were less likely to be present in our baby!

The best news! I couldn’t stop grinning from ear to ear. I was at work when I took the call and the lady I work with shared in my happy news.

With the outcome I had hoped for under my belt, I text Luke, my family and Nicky (the lovely sonogropher who has been a god send to me these last few weeks) to let everyone know. 

After that, we announced my pregnancy to the director. So now I have informed work that I will be having a baby in August!

God it feels so good to actually say that.

It’s all starting to feel so much more real now, and tonight I pulled the doppler back out of the cupboard I had thrown it (I couldn’t find the heartbeat so hid it away to stop myself going mad), and I lay down on the bed to see if I could locate the boom, boom, boom of Nugget’s heart.

Below my belly button and just above my pubic bone, and slightly to the right.... there baby was. A beautiful strong and super fast swoosh, swoosh, swoosh. I lay there just listening and smiling feeling so so lucky.

I don’t take this pregnancy forgranted, everyday I’m feeling so lucky to be able to bring this life into the world. I’m feeling so excited now, and this outcome is better than I could have dared dream. 

I have started the process of booking my gender scan for Saturday 29th February. That is the next time I will see baby. I have decided that it would be nice to head back to Babyface4D where I had my early scan at 8 weeks. 

They are really competitively priced and even throw in the 3D prints all for £49, which is a complete steal. The other deal I was looking at an alternative company that would have cost £80, and would have been extra for 3D scan and images...

I’ve ordered a gender reveal balloon so that we can make it fun for Leo. It worked out cheaper to find the balloon on EBay... The plan is not to find out at the actual scan, but just to enjoy watching baby on the screen and then getting them to write down whether we are having a boy or a girl on a card. I will then take this card to the balloon shop and get them to inflate the balloon as per the instructions on the card.

Then when Luke finishes work we can all get together as a family (a big family that is, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles and their partners!) and find out a little more about who the next member of this mad clan will be.

Week 13 has sharped into a really good week, we have more certainty over Nugget, and I think Luke is finally feeling relieved and able to get excited. The Harmony results are exactly what we hoped for, we have New York in just over a week, and we can finally tell the world that we are HAVING A BABY!

I’ll be happier once I can feel movement properly, there have been a few instances this week where I have wondered if it’s baby... but the jury is still out and I’m not sold. Hopefully in the next few weeks I will be able to feel them wiggling and jiggling.

I haven’t had any round ligament pain since the first fetal medicine appointment, I can’t really remember when it started with Leo. Or maybe you don’t feel it as much in subsequent pregnancies? 

I do feel like I’m starting to get a little teeny bump, I’m definitely not as flat as I was before falling pregnant (but then I’ve been eating what I want and not exercising... so it could just be that catching me up!)

On a final note for week 13, I have recieved my 20 week scan appointmnet now *insert woop woop* - It's the week after my echo cardiogram at Birmingham Fetal Medicine, and I will be 19+5 weeks pregnant.

Hopefully both of these scans will bring even more positive news, and following our gender scan in a few weeks, will take our scan toll to 9 already in this pregnancy (and that is even before I round it up to a neat 10 with a 3D scan at 26 weeks!).

For now though, all is well and we have come such a long way in the 4 weeks following our 10 week scan.