14 Weeks Pregnant

The day I turned 14 weeks pregnant I had the most real, most awful dream. 

It was so vivid that it felt like it was really happening. I was standing with Luke, I don’t know where we were, but he was on the phone. I was 14 weeks pregnant and I felt the baby moving and wiggling really low down. 

So low down that it felt like the baby was falling out.

The next thing I know the baby has wiggled out and is lay in my hands. Our baby was a little girl and was still very much alive, her face was moving and her little mouth was opening and closing, her eyes closed tight. I held her as she took her last little gasps before she left this world.

Then dream Laura became hysterical. 

I felt like this dream lasted forever, and I can still see the little details and features on her tiny little face as she lay in my hand.

I can’t get the image out of my head.

I’m writing this just after waking up, and I’m just so glad that it was all a big horrible dream.

Of course the first thing I did, after calming down of course and convincing myself that it hadn't really happened... Was have a play with the doppler. I know this isn't meant to be for reassurance, I know that people advise against it, but now I am pretty confident in finding baby's heartbeat (eventually) and have a round about idea where baby will be, I just can't help it.

Hearing the beat of Nugget's heart is just incredible and I don't think that it will ever get old. 

Thankfully since this not so pleasant dream on Saturday night, I haven't had anymore like this. Aren't pregnancy dreams just something else? Following this dream though, I can't help thinking that we have a baby girl growing away in there!

We won't officially know until Saturday 29th Feb, but before that we have a lot going on what with our looming trip to New York, London and then Venice for good measure!

At 14 weeks my boobs still hurt, and I am getting some shooting pains through them from time to time, I have been continuing to nap more, and often find myself in front of Netflix having missed almsot entire episodes just to how easy sleep appartently descends on me these days!

I am at that awkward in between stage with clothes and have been living in my gym leggings. I did try my pre-pregnancy jeans on the other week and although they did up, they were far from comfortable!

I have been sent some really lovely Maternity Leggings from Love Leggings, I ordered a pair of Grey Marl in size 8 which is my usual size, they fit beautifully on my legs and bum but I still have lots of room in the bump to fill right now. I wore them for the first time yesterday and they were so comfortable, it was like wearing PJ bottoms.

I love how stretchy the fabric is and how they stretch up over your bump to offer support like a warm hug. I will be packing these for my trip to New York and expect that I will be wearing them for all the travelling as they are going to be the most comfortable option for me.

I'll update how I get on with the leggings as my bump continues to grow (and of course share plenty of bump photos, because it's not everyday you have a bump!) - I also have a pair of their new Maternity Tights to try, I believe these aren't for sale just yet, so I will keep you posted with this too!

I was pondering what I will be packing to take with me this coming Sunday, and everything I am considering boasts the 'comfortable' factor. I will be leaving my pretty dresses at home and thinking sensibly for once!

Tuesday 11th February would have been my due date with the baby I lost back in July. I felt ok in regards to this, but had a day of complete anxiety in regards to my current pregnancy. I convinced myself that I was going to suffer an incompetent cervix and that the dream I had earlier in the week might actually just come true...

I manged to gain some clarity and calm myself down. That night as I was sorting washing I looked over at Luke and chuckled. He asked me what was funny, and I suddenly saw the funny side of how dramatic I was being. I laughed relentlessly, well.. until I cried. 

I laughed and cried at the same time.

I think it is some weird and wonderful pregnancy trick.


On the back of this I have booked myself in for a private scan tomorrow. I just want to know that everything is ok still, calm my anxiety and see if she can check that everything is closed 'down there'.

I recieved a call from the midwife at Worcester Hospital today too, they had finally got my results and progress from Birmingham Women's hospital (apparently it took some chasing) - I wasn't aware that this would now be followed up with Worcester, so that's positive. They advised that I would be under the care of a consultant/midwife, so I don't know how that extra care is going to look at this point.

They did advise that from 28 weeks I will be recieving 3 additional scans just to keep an eye on baby and their growth. This news made my heart fly, I was worried that following the 20 week scan, that would be it. I knew my anxiety would go through the roof. I am beyond happy that they will keep a closer eye on us.

The final baby related appointmnet before we jetted off on our half term travels, was the second reassurance scan that I had booked in with Babyface4d. This is the same place we went for our early scan at 8 weeks.

Of course baby was absolutely fine, nice strong heartbeat and I was told that as baby was so big now they don't measure the crown to rump length anymore. Instead they measure each limb and entity on it's own merit. I was told that everything was fine and these measurements don't really matter until the 20 week anomoly scan.

At 14 weeks baby had slightly shorter femurs than the line percentile, and she said that today she would have given me a slightly different due date to that on my notes.

I was hoping we might get a scan with a good display of the nub, but as you can see baby was feeling very awkward on this day. Their legs were firmly crossed, and we couldn't see a thing. In fact Nugget was feeling that awkward that he or she was actually floating around upside down, the sonogropher had to rotate this image for us!

I left feeling happy, there was no sign of any fluid on the babies neck. I am not going to work myself up over measurements. All I wanted and needed to know right now was that Nugget was still alive and well.

So now our travel adventure begins....

13 Weeks Pregnant & Harmony Test Results (NIPT)

13 weeks pregnant. 

The second trimester.

This time seems to have gone as slowly as it has quickly.

I seem to spend my time waiting for the next baby appointment to roll around. This week is the first week in 3 weeks that I haven’t had some form of scan or assessment, and I am missing the reassuring words that followed last weeks scan.

I have been driving myself banana's this week, worrying that the baby’s heart will have stopped beating. This is and has been my top anxiety even before the high Nuchal Translucency (NT) reading.

 This was only heightened after that of course... Nothing quite jolts you like being told your at higher risk of miscarriage now.

With each scan though I have been reassured to hear and see our baby’s strong heart beating, pumping away helping our baby grow. But from our last scan until we get back from New York at the end of February, there will be no more scans and no more assessments.

Deep down I know baby is ok and I’m being a worry wart for nothing. I keep telling myself after the next scan ‘I’ll relax and enjoy my pregnancy’, but after the initial reassurance of each scan I have had, the potential doubt enters my mind and it’s hard to shake.

If anything the extra scans haven’t helped my anxiety, I’ve become almost reliant on them. It’s like at this stage in my pregnancy I need them to let me know that Nugget is doing ok, but any reassurance I gain from the scan is short lived, and a few days later the cycle begins again.

Obviously that is far from ideal, and a scan each and every week is not going to be happening.... but I think I will get in touch with my midwife and see if she can run the doppler over my stomach to hear baby’s heartbeat before we fly to New York.

Just for peace of mind of course.

It is Thursday today - 10 days since I had my blood taken for the Harmony (NIPT) test, I’ve stayed pretty relaxed about receiving the results. I felt like I knew they would come back low risk, and today I finally got a call from the hospital. 

The midwife introduced herself and sounded like she had good news to tell me, you can just tell by the tone of people’s voices. Straight away she said ‘It’s good news!’ And then proceeded to tell me that I had received a LOW RISK for the 3 Trisomies! That means that Down Syndrome, Edwards Syndrome and Patel Syndrome were less likely to be present in our baby!

The best news! I couldn’t stop grinning from ear to ear. I was at work when I took the call and the lady I work with shared in my happy news.

With the outcome I had hoped for under my belt, I text Luke, my family and Nicky (the lovely sonogropher who has been a god send to me these last few weeks) to let everyone know. 

After that, we announced my pregnancy to the director. So now I have informed work that I will be having a baby in August!

God it feels so good to actually say that.

It’s all starting to feel so much more real now, and tonight I pulled the doppler back out of the cupboard I had thrown it (I couldn’t find the heartbeat so hid it away to stop myself going mad), and I lay down on the bed to see if I could locate the boom, boom, boom of Nugget’s heart.

Below my belly button and just above my pubic bone, and slightly to the right.... there baby was. A beautiful strong and super fast swoosh, swoosh, swoosh. I lay there just listening and smiling feeling so so lucky.

I don’t take this pregnancy forgranted, everyday I’m feeling so lucky to be able to bring this life into the world. I’m feeling so excited now, and this outcome is better than I could have dared dream. 

I have started the process of booking my gender scan for Saturday 29th February. That is the next time I will see baby. I have decided that it would be nice to head back to Babyface4D where I had my early scan at 8 weeks. 

They are really competitively priced and even throw in the 3D prints all for £49, which is a complete steal. The other deal I was looking at an alternative company that would have cost £80, and would have been extra for 3D scan and images...

I’ve ordered a gender reveal balloon so that we can make it fun for Leo. It worked out cheaper to find the balloon on EBay... The plan is not to find out at the actual scan, but just to enjoy watching baby on the screen and then getting them to write down whether we are having a boy or a girl on a card. I will then take this card to the balloon shop and get them to inflate the balloon as per the instructions on the card.

Then when Luke finishes work we can all get together as a family (a big family that is, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles and their partners!) and find out a little more about who the next member of this mad clan will be.

Week 13 has sharped into a really good week, we have more certainty over Nugget, and I think Luke is finally feeling relieved and able to get excited. The Harmony results are exactly what we hoped for, we have New York in just over a week, and we can finally tell the world that we are HAVING A BABY!

I’ll be happier once I can feel movement properly, there have been a few instances this week where I have wondered if it’s baby... but the jury is still out and I’m not sold. Hopefully in the next few weeks I will be able to feel them wiggling and jiggling.

I haven’t had any round ligament pain since the first fetal medicine appointment, I can’t really remember when it started with Leo. Or maybe you don’t feel it as much in subsequent pregnancies? 

I do feel like I’m starting to get a little teeny bump, I’m definitely not as flat as I was before falling pregnant (but then I’ve been eating what I want and not exercising... so it could just be that catching me up!)

On a final note for week 13, I have recieved my 20 week scan appointmnet now *insert woop woop* - It's the week after my echo cardiogram at Birmingham Fetal Medicine, and I will be 19+5 weeks pregnant.

Hopefully both of these scans will bring even more positive news, and following our gender scan in a few weeks, will take our scan toll to 9 already in this pregnancy (and that is even before I round it up to a neat 10 with a 3D scan at 26 weeks!).

For now though, all is well and we have come such a long way in the 4 weeks following our 10 week scan. 

12 Weeks Pregnant - High NT Measurement

 
Normally when you reach 12 weeks pregnant it brings a sense of relief, the miscarriage rate drops significantly and you will probably be thinking about how you announce you’re good news to friends and family.

I had made it to 12 weeks pregnant but my worries about miscarriage were as strong as they had been since that pregnancy test turned positive. We weren’t thinking that we could announce our news anytime soon, and we didn’t really know how this pregnancy was going to play out.

We didn’t even know if there would be a baby at the end of it.

Along with my anxiety about miscarriage, I was trying to be hopeful and excited. This baby is wanted, so wanted. 

We had the second Fetal Medicine Appointment on the Monday, which of course offered a huge relief. It cemented that I needed to continue being positive, because the NT fluid was now normal and we were now waiting the results of our Harmony Test (which should arrive in week 14).

The tiredness seems to have returned this week with a vengeance, I have been falling asleep on the sofa under a blanket (something I never do) and haven’t been able to make it to the end of the movie Luke and I were watching. Much to his annoyance. 

This week Leo brought a sickness bug home from school which he very kindly shared with me. I was sat at work on the Wednesday (Leo had been sick in the morning before school and was with my mum), and suddenly I felt nauseous. I thought it was in my head and carried on.... When I finished at 2pm I thought I was feeling ok. 

I went to get Leo and within 20 minutes of getting to my parents, I was there with my head down the toilet. Brilliant. I thought maybe that would be it, but I couldn’t keep anything down. 

I had been texting back and forward with Nicky (the lady who did my 10 week dating scan) and she was thrilled to hear our news. She asked if I had been given an official due date (which I thought was the date I was provided with last time), and told me that she would try and get me back in to get the official due date in my notes.

The next day Nicky text me and said that she had a spare appointment on Thursday 30th January. As it happened both Leo and I were off work and school due to the fact we had been poorly the day before (Leo was lots better now but couldn’t go back to school until the Friday). So it meant that Leo could come with me and Granny to finally see his little brother or sister on the screen.

The amazing thing was, Nicky was my midwife throughout my pregnancy with Leo, so it was a really lovely moment. Leo sat on a chair next to Granny while I lay on the bed, the gel was applied and the Doppler positioned, and boom... there was baby wiggling around and so much clearer than the images we saw at the fetal medicine unit. 

I wanted to turn to see Leo’s face but couldn’t contort my body while being scanned. Nicky said straight away that baby was looking good and although she wasn’t going to re-measure the fluid, she could see that it was within normal range.

Nicky measured the baby and at 12+4 was measuring 61.7mm - all of these scans have highlighted just how quickly a baby grows and develops. 

Leo was amazed and found the whole experience brilliant, I was so happy that he had got to come along, and as always he was so well behaved. He just looked and listened. 

My due date was adjusted to August 9th 2020, a day out from where I had been placed at my 10 week ultrasound. 

When the scan concluded Nicky gave me 2 new scans, 2 beautifully clear shots of our little nugget. You could see a real difference between these images and the ones from 10 weeks. The babies head was smaller and the body had got longer, and the fluid was now gone. 

Absolutely incredible.

I sat up on the bed and we started talking. Nicky told me that everything looks perfect right now and that I need to try and relax and enjoy my pregnancy now. All of these scans has really built an anxiety up for me and before each and every scan I worry that there won’t be a heartbeat anymore. 

Each and every time though, our baby has a beautifully strong heartbeat and is continuing to grow as expected. I think with the miscarriage and then the threat of a high NT, of course there is going to be anxiety at play. 

I am one of the lucky ones though, if I had my fist scan at 12 weeks, I would never have known that there was a high fluid reading at 10 weeks. Nicky said the same, but we acted on the information that was available and I will always be thankful to Nicky for everything she did.

You can see here the difference between the 10 week scan and the 12 week scan, and you cannot help but notice the pocket of fluid on the babies neck in the top image. At this last scan Nicky said that it was the first thing that she noticed, where as I was just worrying about whether there would be a heartbeat. I guess as Nicky said, we were both looking for very different things.

I am just so glad that everything is looking much more positive now.

Nicky said that she was really impressed with how I took the news about the Nuchal measurement, which actually really threw me. I didn’t start flapping, I don’t know if that’s because I didn’t fully understand the gravity of what I was being told at the time, or if it was because I like to arm myself with facts. I remember being the same in July when I was told that I had a missed miscarriage. Again I kept it together through the appointment, and later when I was away from everyone I let my feelings out.

Nicky threw her arms around me and asked me to let her know when I got my Harmony results back. It was really lovely as she is such a genuine person and I could tell she really cared. 

I found this scan appointment the most re-assuring of them all. Hearing Nicky tell me everything was fine carried so much more weight than it coming from anyone else. 

I had been worried that the other consultant may have missed the fluid and Nicky would find it again. Thankfully though everything was fine, everything was normal, everything was as it should be.

We are almost at the end of the first trimester now, and what a rollercoaster it has been. I’m hoping that the rest of my pregnancy will be simple and straightforward. The one positive thing about all of this is, I have seen our little Nugget grow from a mere little blob on the screen to a proper teeny tiny little baby.

I am 12 weeks pregnant and already had 5 scans so far...

I’m going into the second trimester back in midwife led care, I’m no longer high risk and the chances of a baby at the end of all this are looking sunnier and sunnier.

Now all we need are our Harmony (NIPT) test results back, and we will be well on our way. 

The 12 Week Fetal Medicine Appointment

Today (Monday 27th January) we made our way back to Birmingham Women’s Hospital, 6 days since our last visit. I had spent my time wishing the weekend away, eager to get back and make sure that little Nugget’s heartbeat was still swooshing away. 

Having been told I was high risk for a miscarriage, that is what I’ve worried mostly about aside from the potential of a chromosomal abnormality. The thought of getting to 12 weeks and then losing the baby I knew was growing away would be even more soul destroying than our initial miscarriage.

We arrived back at the hospital with time to spare, I had learned my lesson about guzzling lots of fluid before a scan after last time, so I had a small drink in the morning before we left home, and after the 50 minute drive there... I really needed to pee.

I had to go to the toilet at least twice to release a little, as I was getting fit to burst! As we walked into the Fetal Medicine Department first thing on a Monday morning, I could see just how much busier it was in the AM.

Our appointment was at 10:10AM but it was more 10:40 by the time we went in, it wasn’t an issue and we patiently waited our turn. Eventually our name was called and we followed the consultant into a scan room.

I handed over my pregnancy notes and lay down on the consultation table, the gel was squeezed onto my tummy and Dr Thompson apologised for the coldness (not that it mattered as I just wanted to see my baby was ok). 

My tilted uterus appeared on screen, and then Dr Thompson played the baby’s heartbeat straight away as if he had known that I had been feeling incredibly anxious that it wouldn’t be there. The swoosh swoosh of our baby’s heartbeat instantly reassured me and then he got straight down to bringing baby into view.

Having a retroverted uterus meant that it was hard to get a clear image of baby, which of course makes it harder to do all of the checks and measurements that were needed. 

Dr Thompson stayed incredibly quiet throughout, but I had a screen of my own to watch baby flipping around on screen. I was told that it may be beneficial to completely empty my bladder to see if it would provide a better view, at this moment the placenta was posterior and wouldn’t be easy to get to for a CVS.

I popped to the loo and came back, more gel was applied and the scan resumed. A long silence passed, I tried to peak at Dr Thompson’s screen where all of the measurements were being complied. Not a word was said as he completed a detailed scan on our little Nugget.

I did wonder if this was good news or bad.... on the car journey over I had pondered the thought that all of the fluid would have gone and returned to normal, but the idea seemed like crazy talk. Well... until....

Finally Dr Thompson spoke and brought us up to speed on what he was seeing. He told me that our baby’s Nuchal fluid was completely normal, that he had Re-measured it and it was between 1.2/1.4mm which is in the complete realm of normal.

No abnormal Nuchal Translucency reading, no Cystic Hygroma, no fetal hydrops, no abnormality.

1 healthy little baby growing away!

I sat stunned and listened, happy butterflies bubbling beneath the surface. He explained that when I was initially scanned at just gone 10 weeks, this was outside the suggested scan period. They say that from 11 weeks or a minimum crown rump length of 45mm that a Nuchal Translucency scan can/should be carried out.

If today had been my first scan, I would have gone in and everything would have been perfect. I would have left and there would have been no concerns over our little nugget. Not one. 

Dr Thompson explained that based on what he could see today, he was looking at a structurally sound baby for the gestation. 

In that very moment I had decided against even attempting the CVS. There was no way any needles were going near my baby when the only marker that had enticed the idea was not there, or potentially even a valid measurement. It was such a early anomaly that could have been down to something as simple as the lymphatic system being underdeveloped or many other reasons.

I can’t recall how I broached the subject but I know I let the good Dr know that I was now against the idea of a CVS and enquired into the possibility of the Harmony test instead.

With this he said that we should go and discuss all of our options in one of the little rooms adjacent to the scan room. We all sat down and got comfortable, I didn’t want to celebrate too early, but I was feeling like I was on cloud 9.

Dr Thompson talked us through the options, he said that he could attempt the CVS but that it would be a difficult procedure. I got the feeling that Luke was leaning towards this, but I had already written it out of the options I was considering. There was no way I was having a invasive procedure that would be even more difficult due to the fact of where my placenta was positioned. It was a firm no go for me.

Secondly we could opt for the Harmony test (NIPT - None Invasive Pregnancy Testing) which would involve taking a sample of my blood that has the baby’s DNA within it. This would test for the 3 Trisomies and give a high or low risk. 

This is what I was hoping we would be able to opt for.

This would then be backed up with a detailed echo that would take place between 16-18 weeks - This is where they will take a closer look at Nugget’s heart and make sure that everything was as it should be.

Finally... we could do nothing and they would discharge us.

We discussed all 3 of these options and the Dr left us alone to discus them amongst ourselves. Luke was confused about how I had now changed my mind about the CVS. He was of the opinion that we should be fully prepared and know everything... I was not willing to risk my baby and wanted to do the harmony test and then enjoy my pregnancy. 

Eventually we agreed on the Harmony test and the echo. We were left in the very capable hands of Vicky - the manager of the midwifery department. We discussed our decision but she couldn’t say if it was the right thing to do, but in my heart of hearts I already knew that it was.

They had decided to try and look at the scan image from the following week before we made our final decision. Vicky came back to the room with the consent form and I asked about the previous scan, she said that she couldn’t really use it as the image was ‘skewed’ and it wouldn’t have been the scan she had used in the file (our original scan was done by a trainee consultant) - so we didn’t really know if the fluid was the same level at the 11 week scan as opposed to either the 10 week or 12 week. At this point I was too happy to mind. 

I signed the consent form and we waited for the blood room to become free. We followed Vicky down the hall and I had my blood taken for the Harmony Test, it was painless and over as quickly as it had begun. We were told it could take up to 2 weeks for the results to come back.

After a tough 2 weeks of waiting for answers, I was now happy, the results would just concrete the relief I was now feeling. I finally felt like I could be excited about our baby and their arrival in August. 

Only a day before I felt like I was in limbo, I had reached 12 weeks but didn’t think I would be able to announce our pregnancy in the near future. All of a sudden I felt that I could say ‘hey, I’m having a baby this year!’. 

It’s amazing what can change in a day!

Vicky told us that she would call with the results when they come through, got our report and new scan images together for us, and off we went. Ready to tell our families the absolutely amazing news.

I have had such amazing care at the Fetal Medicine Unit, they have taken their time to answer my questions and provided detailed scans to help our baby. Now we are coming out the other side, and I am in awe of the work that they do. 

It’s time to start being excited about the new life growing inside of me, it’s time to start thinking pushchairs, baby clothes and start getting prepared.

A high NT brings clouds, but they don’t always rain.

If you are going through this nightmare journey right now, a happy ending is possible at the end of all this. 

The 11 Week Fetal Medicine Unit Appointment

On Tuesday 21st January we made our way to the Women’s Hospital in Birmingham. We were meeting with the team at the Fetal Medicine Unit for the very first time. A place I didn’t even know existed until a week before at our dating scan, where a body of fluid of 4.7mm was found on our growing babies neck.

This appointment was for the purpose of a CVS, a invasive form of testing that would give us answers to any potential chromosome abnormalities that may be present in our unborn child.

It’s something I’ve been thinking about none stop, it’s taken over every waking moment of my day as I ponder possible outcomes for this pregnancy and our little baby. 

We arrived with about half an hour to spare, the Women’s Hospital is the biggest hospital I have ever been to, I thought finding where we were meant to be was going to be a mission in itself so insisted that before we sit down for drinks, we locate the Fetal Medicine Department. 

As it happens it was a lot easier to find than expected, thanks to helpful signage all along the corridors. The next prominent problem was that I didn’t need a wee, and being 11+2 the likelihood was that they would require me to have a full bladder to carry out the scan.

We settled in the hospital cafe, I nursed a hot chocolate and a bottle of water, all the while knowing that when that body of fluid hit my bladder I was going to know about it. Still on the run up to our appointment at 4pm, I still didn’t need to pee. Sitting in the waiting room at 4pm, I didn’t need to pee.

As my name was called, suddenly I needed to pee. In fact my bladder was now so full that I thought it might burst. A Dr named Leo walked us down the corridor to a room set up and ready to scan, he took my pregnancy notes and started to ask me questions. I explained what had happened at our previous scan and that we were here to hopefully get more answers.

I had prepared 16 of my own questions for this appointment, and some flew right off the tip of my tongue without even looking at the composition I had composed. 

Dr Leo explained that the fluid was on the babies neck under the skin, that it was not in the amniotic fluid collecting behind the babies neck. The gel was applied to my lower tummy and the Doppler pressed down firmly on my extremely full bladder (which was of course picked up on the screen), straight away a grainy image of our little nugget popped into view.

Disappointingly it was no where near as clear as the scan I had at our local hospital the week before. I wondered if it was due to my very full bladder. Dr Leo said the amount of fluid looked about the same, and over all apart from that our baby looked as expected for the gestation. 

Baby had done some growing in the 5 days since our dating scan, going from a CRL (crown rump length) of 39mm to 44.8mm. I took this as positive as baby flipped around in utereo unaware that we were all peeking in. 

It was nice to not hear the doom and gloom that I was expecting from this appointment, it was being judged firmly on it’s own merit. I found out that the placenta in this pregnancy is posterior, which was going to make a CVS tricky (especially in conjunction with my retroverted uterus).

I was told to go and empty my bladder to see if that altered the position of anything that would make it possible to perform the CVS safely. My gut feeling has come to pass, I knew ahead of time that the possibility of a CVS was slim. 

I returned feeling a lot lighter, and they had me sign the consent forms for the CVS procedure. A consultant named Tracey came in and re-scanned me, she was positive for the most part but did bring the word ‘termination’ to the table.

It wasn’t advice to act upon, it was looking ahead once we have firm results. She was giving me options. I asked if was I was allowed to fly as we have a trip to New York booked in February and I was advised that this would be fine. I should take low dose aspirin to keep my blood thin a week before the flight, and wear flight socks to keep the risk of clots to a minimum. 

Tracey’s examination was the confirmation that a CVS would not be taking place that day. I was booked in for another attempt on Monday 27th January, where I will be 12 weeks + 2 days. 

The positives of today’s appointment was that the heartbeat was good and there were no signs of Hydrops (Hydrops are swellings that occur within the baby, like in the stomach or limbs etc). 

I left with no more answers than I had came with, but I was reassured that baby was doing ok in there. I feel positive that all this may turn out ok, But I won’t know that until I have the tests that can give me answers.

I could feel tightenings in my lower tummy today, I’m certain that this is my tummy starting to stretch to accommodate our growing baby.

I don’t feel like I can tell anyone I’m pregnant, I can’t announce that I’m having a baby, I can’t even actually say I’m having a baby, because I might not. All this might end in tears, but it might all be ok. I hate all of this uncertainty, I just want to know that our babies going to be ok.

Unfortunately not even the doctors can tell me that, it’s all about taking one day at a time, one test at a time and hoping, hoping and hoping.

If on Monday I cannot have the CVS again, I have decided that I want to pay for the Harmony test, this is a none invasive test that takes my blood that has our babies DNA within it. They can test this and then give us a low or high risk for the 3 Trisomies. 

The Harmony test is not diagnostic like a CVS, but it might just give us some answers where currently there are none. I want some form of answers before we fly to New York, and if they can’t do the CVS the only other option is waiting until 16 weeks when they will perform an Amniocentesis (A needle into the amniotic sac). 

I can’t go 5/6 more weeks with no answers so the Harmony result would acts as a potential band aid in the mean time.

That brings me to the end of my latest update, I will be able to write again on Monday.....

10 Weeks Pregnant

It's been 2 weeks since my private scan, and the last week has gone really slowly as I have been waiting for my dating scan with the NHS. This isn't the 12 week scan, but a scan to see how far along I am due to my cycles being irregular. 

Everything has been going perfectly, I was happy knowing that at 8 weeks there was a strong heartbeat, and this did help settle my mind.

I have felt less tired in recent weeks and I have put that down to the placenta starting to take over for the baby's nutrients. I am back to later nights at 10 weeks pregnant, Luke and I have been working our way through the Alien movies each evening once Leo has gone to bed.

One thing that has become very obvious is that I am not a fan of the first trimester. It's so hard being pregnant and not knowing if things are progressing as they should. You can't feel your baby move and you literally have to have blind faith that everything is going to be ok.

I think this is even more true when you don't have full blown pregnancy symptoms, for me all I have really had is tiredness and sore boobs. I have developed a few food aversions again, Halloumi is off the menu for starter, I don't know what is about this cheese when I am pregnant but I hate it.

The other night I cooked up a beautiful big steak to have in a salad, but when it came to eat the steak it just didn't taste right. The dog thought he had died and gone to heaven when the opportunity to demolish the steak came about, I stuck with my feta and salad!

The NHS Dating Scan

Today, the 16th January 2020 my NHS dating scan finally came around. I didn't really have any feelings about this scan, I was eager to see that the baby's heart was still nice and strong, but I had just somehow decided that everything was going to be ok.

Luke and I arrived at the hospital, the same hospital that I was scanned at back in July when I was referred for my viability scan due to no heartbeat being detected. I was pleased to see that Nicky, the midwife who had seen me through my pregnancy with Leo, and also the one who conducted the scan back in July was still at the helm and doing the scan for us today.

It was in a different room to last time, a room that I felt was a safe space un-tainted by the past. Nicky welcomed us in and advised us that there was a student with us today, which of course was fine with myself and Luke. I lay down on the bed, Luke sat in the chair.

The gel was placed upon my belly and very quickly our baby appeared on the screen. I could already tell that baby had done a considerable amount of growing in those 2 weeks. At the 8 week scan Nugget was 17.8mm from crown to rump, and now at 10+5 Nugget was already 39mm!

I felt instantly relaxed as soon as I saw our little baby waving around on the screen, there was constant movement and the heart was beating just as it should. Nicky then said 'I do need to make you aware that there is more fluid than we would like behind the babies neck'.

This is usually highlighted around 12 weeks when they carry out the Nuchal Translucency (NT) check, this is the fluid that collects under the skin behind the babies neck. I recalled my midwife Louise talking about this check at 12 weeks, I remember saying that I wanted it.

Not for one second did I think it would be a cause for concern.

I didn't realise the severity of what she was saying right away, I just lay there in shock staring at our baby on the screen. Nicky explained that fluid behind the babies neck was a normal part of development for babies in the womb, but if the baby has more fluid than usual.... It could be an indication of a possible health problem.

Straight away my happy safe little bubble burst.

Nicky took some more measurements and confirmed that our little Nugget had 4.7mm of fluid and then talked us through the possible scenarios that could be linked to an increased NT.

- Trisomy 21 otherwise known as Down Syndrome - It's caused by an extra chromosome in your cells and occurs by chance at the time of conception.

-Trisomy 18 - Edwards Syndrome - I had never heard of this one but as soon as I took to Google I hoped to God that this wasn't the case. Edwards Syndrome is a rare but serious genetic condition that causes a wide range of medical problems.

-Trisomy 13 - Patau Syndrome - Patau syndrome is a syndrome caused by a chromosomal abnormality, in which some or all of the cells of the body contain extra genetic material from chromosome 13. The extra genetic material disrupts normal development, causing multiple and complex organ defects.

- Genetic Syndromes

-Heart Abnormalities

- Increased risk of miscarriage

Nicky said that although it could be something, it may very well be nothing. Nicky talked us through the next steps and advised that following the scan today I would now be receiving consultant lead care for the rest of my pregnancy.

It was too early for the screening blood test to take place, and we discussed Chronic Villus Sampling (CVS), this is a diagnostic test that they can carry out between 11 and 14 weeks of pregnancy. It's an invasive test that I never thought that I would have to consider. It's where a needle is passed into your lower abdomen and into the placenta where cells are harvested and tested to look for the above chromosome abnormalities.

I looked at Luke for reassurance on what to do, the CVS had a 1-2% risk of miscarriage, we discussed what to do. We decided that we should be fully prepared and know what was happening, and the sooner the better.

In the seriousness of the scan I completely forgot to ask to purchase some scan photos. I had started walking down the corridor by the time I realised the error of my ways. I rushed back to the room like a mad woman, and Nicky had already closed the screen. She told me that she would post the images to me free of charge.

I returned to work and as I had already told the lady I work with about the pregnancy, she was of course excited to hear how I had gotten on. I explained that there was good news and some not so good news and went into the whole sorry tale.

Of course I didn't manage to stay composed and the tears did fall.

In all of the worry about the worst case scenario I had completely neglected to mention that the baby's due date was my birthday!

Our little nugget is due on the 8th August 2020! Exactly 31 years since I was born.

I am determined to remain positive, I will see this through and hope that Nugget is developing as he should be.

While I was back at work, Nikki text me and said that she had printed the scan photos off already and if I wanted to pop back that afternoon I could. When I did pop back she was in the middle of someone else's ultrasound but popped out to personally hand me the scan photos. She asked me to keep her updated and told me that she was crossing her fingers for me.

Nicky made today bearable, she equipped me with everything I needed to know (and writing it down here has really helped).

The NHS have been wonderful today, from Nicky and the referral that she has made for me to Worcester calling me up by 2:30pm (I expect this is where I will be seeing the consultant for the rest of my pregnancy) and by 4pm I had Birmingham's Fetal Medicine Department on the phone arranging an appointment for the CVS for Tuesday 21st January at 4pm!

The service today has been incredible, it may not have been the news I was hoping for, but I feel like we are in good hands.