Friday 11 January 2013

Life in a bubble

I have never been a worrier, well that was true until I had Leo.

I seem to worry about Leo every waking hour of every day, it’s like I am constantly running risk assessments in my minds eye.

I feel like we are living in this protective bubble, but I worry that at any given moment someone could pop it, and just like that we would be exposed to the elements that only nightmares are made from.

I worry about things that haven’t happened or have a very low risk of actually becoming a reality. I know that it is a Mother’s right to worry but sometimes I really do over think things, and sometimes I find myself lying there at night willing myself to go off to sleep, but the thoughts just keep going round and round in my head.

When it comes to Leo I have always had these feelings, it comes with the territory in protecting him. In those early days when Leo was a mere baby in arms I worried about other people holding him, I over compensated for this by appearing resilient and offering Leo out to the eager friends and family who wanted a cuddle. Inside I was absolutely petrified that someone may drop him…

As he got older and Leo began to move around his Granddad liked to make ramps out of cushions for him to crawl up and down. My heart was constantly in my mouth; I could see him toppling off the side and onto the floor but no one else could see my worries. And in fear of sounding like an over protective Mother I kept my mouth shut and looked on in case I needed to catch him!

If we go on a road trip I am paranoid about every other car on the road, I cling on for dear life when we venture onto the motorway, which may just be because of Luke’s driving… But to me every other car on the road is a potential danger to my family, to my little man. I don’t relax until we get where we are going. That being said, I personally point blank refuse to drive on the motorway, I never have and I never will. I am not the most confident of drivers and I really feel that I would just be putting Leo and I in harms way. We stick to what we know and toddle about on the less busy roads!

When Leo was 5 months old we went to Tenerife and Luke was in charge of driving a hire car in a foreign country. This of course meant that Luke had to adapt to driving on the other side of the road…And boy, I was terrified! I did not want to get in that car with Leo and I very almost didn’t. Luckily my fears were un-founded and bar the odd near miss or two Luke got us around the island in one piece.

I hate to leave Leo any longer than I have to; when I am home I am with him. I very rarely leave him except for work and certain events where I cannot feasibly take him with me. When it comes to letting anyone have him over night at any place other than ours I just can’t do it, I worry too much if he will wake up and wonder where I have gone. This rule does not apply so much for my parent’s but I think that is because we lived with them for so long. But when we have offers from his Nanny who lives about half an hour away from us I have to say no, at least until his is old enough to understand why he is going there over night.

Now I know I sound like I am the most over protective, dramatic parent of them all. But that is not the case, of course I let Leo do things but I just like him to do these things under my watchful eye. I like to be there and I want him to know that I am there for him if he does take a tumble.

So for now I will keep my worry hat on and hope that this bubble we are happily bobbing along in keeps us tightly encased inside.

Here’s to a happy and healthy 2013!


  1. I am exactly the same lovely. I think becoming a Mum definitely accentuates all the worries you have. x

    1. It really does, I seem to worry about the smallest thing these days! x


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