Thursday 14 May 2015

When you believe


Although there are many hand books available for purchase to walk you through the first weeks..Months and early years of your child's life. Nothing can ever really prepare you for all that there is to come. Those books are guidelines, mere text on paper, which is great should you have a text book baby, a text book toddler, a perfectly 'normal' pre-schooler. We all know that it's not that straight cut, babies, toddlers, children, no two are ever alike. They are all individuals weaving their way on their very own path, but they will all get where there supposed to go, in their own good sweet time.


If you have followed my journey with Leo over the past 17 months or so, you will know that we have had a bit of a bumpy ride. After being let down by our health visitor, and having to watch on as Leo was scored way below where he 'should' be on his development time after time, I got to the point where I expected to hear negativity in every direction, everyone seemed to have concerns, but nothing positive to say? Was there something underlying with my beautiful boy? Was I being naive? Should I stick to my guns? Of course I knew that everyone just wanted the best for Leo, just as I did. I happily accepted all the help offered to me and of course to Leo. I attended sensory play, speech therapy, nursery appointments, before the health visitor finally met with Leo again.

That appointment completely blew my mind, I really thought that we were going to get referred to the pediatrician, in fact I wanted to be referred. We could finally get one over all opinion and some answers, maybe some proper support to help Leo should he need it. The health visitor sat with us and decided there and then that Leo was absolutely fine, which in my heart of hearts I had known all along. Of course with that resounding declaration from the health visitor, there were now conflicting opinions rocking the boat, yet again. I had nursery telling me that Leo was severely behind and actually at the development level of a 22-36 month old, and the health visitor was adament that Leo performed exactly where he should be and beyond, actually placing him between the level of 4-5 years old.. 


While concern after concern for his speech was being raised, and the little boy I could see shining brightly on a daily basis wasn't being recognized in the nursery setting but was coming along all the time in my company, I couldn't understand how no one else could see it. How no one could see him learning and absorbing everything around him, a little sponge in this big wide world. I decided a long time ago to throw caution to the wind, to accept every bit of advice that was made available to us, but to trust my instinct. It may sound crazy, but I didn't worry about Leo. I had every faith in him finding his way, finding his voice and his confidence. You can't rush a child, I knew this, how didn't anyone else? So he didn't speak as well as Joe Blogs!? So he was quiet and reserved? Does that mean we have to pin a label on him?

Flash forward to today...


Today was Leo's second parent's evening. I went straight from work, and you know what? I was ready to hear all about the things Leo wasn't doing. I was mentally ready to look at that development sheet and see where Leo was...and where he 'should' be. To hear the worries about Leo starting school in September.. Only... This evening was the most positive feedback I have received from nursery in the history of Leo's time there.

He counts, recites his days of the week (over and over again!), joins in, dresses himself (at school anyway!), Sings NURSERY Rhymes (The boy that never did!), Asks questions, has many friends, talks with peers, initiates games... Not one negative item of feedback. All glowing, all singing all dancing! 

Leo got there. He GOT THERE! 

I was balled over. Knocked for six. Proud! 

So very proud. 


I have always been proud. Every milestone, bump in the road, smile and tear. This is his path, his time and there is no expiration date on learning. I have kept my cool and somehow my hair throughout this entire ordeal. I have watched Leo learn new words, try new experiences and come on all the time. 

Then one day his confidence just exploded. Out of nowhere, that beautiful boy of mine suddenly had the get up and go that had lay in hibernation until he was ready. Now he is un-stoppable, his vocabulary is widening all the time, oh the things we talk about. He may just be the only 3 year old who asks for a Costa Babycino and puts up the perfect argument as to why he NEEDS one. 

I can honestly say that tonight I sit here and write this post with an unbelievable pride, A pride that only comes when the battle is won, or at least when the waters calm and you can see through the storm to the reality of what you believed all along. That existence for me is that Leo was learning in his own good sweet time, and now he is picking up momentum, the cogs were always turning but suddenly the pace is gaining speed. There's a hunger to be filled, a curiosity that is propelling him forward, and I have been a part of it all. I believed in him, and I believed in myself, my instinct as his Mum. 

Guidelines... PAH! Guidelines are exactly that...Guidelines! That line they draw that your child is above or below doesn't exist. Every child is different. They learn when they are good and ready. 

I am so glad that I had the faith in my clever boy, and in myself!



20 comments:

  1. like you say, guidelines are just that! There is no textbook answer to anything so how can they lable a child according to that guideline? they cant, even they know they cant. It angers me. When my son started nursery at 3, he could count to 25 and knew the alphabet but because of that he was bored as they were trying to teach him what he already knew and because of that him and his keyworker clashed. I honestly think there is too much pressure put on children at such a young age, nurseries and even school are expecting far too much too quickly. Every child is different and will learn in their own time!

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  2. As a childminder I have to follow these guidelines and very often children don't do things with me that they do at home and vice versa. The guidelines are just that, every child is different and they give the nursery a guide to what play activities they should be doing to help him progress. Glad the HV has said that he is fine, we have Sebby's two year check next week and I know he is way off a couple of things he should be doing

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  3. The guidelines are a bit of a nonsense really. H couldn't jump for a year or two after most kids were doing it. He has no problem now. Some just take a bit longer to do certain things.

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  4. What a great post to read. I think there are so many mums out there worrying that their children aren't 'where they should be' and you were right to follow your instincts. Well done Leo!

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  5. aw im so pleased it has improved for leo, hoping it continues for him

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  6. What a lovely uplifting post! We all worry about the development of our children, but like you said, they weave their way and find their path! I was worried about my son's reading way back when he was in Reception... but suddenly, one day, he could read, and started reading in advance of his years. As mums, we should always trust our instincts! Well done Leo! (and you too!) x

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  7. Well done Leo for making mummy proud. You are so right, mum's instinctively know when something is wrong or not and children are most definitely not all the same. I had a similar experience with my Little Man, he was slow at everything, he didn't walk until he was two, his speech was slow and he even went to a special pre-school group to help him improve...he's nearly five now and just the same as the other children in reception class despite being a summer baby and the youngest one there. I'm sure Leo will now continue to blossom and make you proud.

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  9. My son had speech and language problems at the age of 2. Tell me, how many children can't speak at 18? Exactly. He has 9 GCSES and is now sitting his A levels. he makes me so proud as it was made out he would never go to mainstream school. I would say to every parent, go with your gut instincts and believe in your child.

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  10. My do. Had trunks as a toddler : glue ear etc and now he's found his GCSEs .. Time is a great healer

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  11. Well done Leo! I'm a great believer in a parent's gut instinct.

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  12. It's such a shame when assessments cause more problems than they solve! It is so important to track children's progress, but it is equally important to remember that, regardless of what we would 'expect to see', children will always stubbornly develop at their own rate! Nice one, Leo, I'm proud of you too! xxx

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  13. Yay well done to Leo :) These assessments always seem a little OTT to me. x

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  14. awww well done Leo! .. i think it alright having guidelines but sometimes they are all to restrictive and that pressure is not good xx

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  15. This is such a lovely read! I'm so glad to hear Leo is doing well :) xx

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  16. Yay... go Leo! No wonder you're proud.

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  17. Aw this is so lovely - it's so important to believe in yourself and your children and not be swayed by some of this tick-box mentality. Well done to both of you!

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  18. Go Leo! You are so right that children will find their own way. It's frustrating when people try to pigeonhole them. It's great to hear that Leo is doing so well.

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  19. This is wonderful, great news, children are individuals and I hate it when they generalise so much. My son has development delays, quite severe, but still they always underestimate him. Mum always knows best x

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  20. Aawww well done Leo, what a great post. Kaz x

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