Tuesday 17 January 2012

Time is a Hurricane

I can't help feeling like I have been swept up into a hurricane wind, I can see time just fluttering by...hours...days...weeks...it is all just going sooo quickly. I know I have touched on this before, but it just doesn't seem to be slowing down. Time really is relentless and something that we can never gain back.

Since having Leo, this has become so apparent to me. Seeing how much he changes from week to week, really puts time into perspective, and part of me feels like I am missing some momentous development, even though I know I am with him 24/7, so that is a ridiculous assumption on my part.

Is it just me that feels like this to a certain extent? Or is it natural for all new Mother's to feel like time is just being snatched away from them?

I write this while I have put the little monster down for his morning nap, I can hear him chattering away on his baby monitor...He is a different baby to the one I brought home from the hospital almost 7 months ago. I thought pregnancy flew by, but nothing prepared me for the first year of Leo's life...seeing it fly past me....and soon seeing me being sat behind my desk at the 9-5 job I have occupied for the last 3 years.

I really wish I was established and we could afford for me to not have to go back to work. I wish we owned a house and had the financial set up for us to live comfortably, but the fact of the matter is. I have to go back to work for us to survive. I have to work to help bring the food home and give Leo everything he needs.

I also want to be able to take Leo on holidays and days out. When he is 3 or 4 my plan is to take him to Finland where we will stay in a log cabin with a roaring fire where we will go on sleigh rides and see the Northern Lights. To do things like this...I need money...I need to work.

I have also never been comfortable taking money off Luke, even now with me on maternity leave I budget my own money so I don't need to ask him for handouts. This may be me being proud, but I love having my own Independence and knowing I can get myself or Leo something without having to get the funds from Luke.

I guess I have answered a number of my own reservations about returning to work. It is a necessity...but not something I look forward to doing. However for us to buy our own house, and for me to continue with my Independent approach to life....Work is where I am headed.

I just wish time would slow down. I wish Leo would stay smaller for longer. I don't wish any time away. I don't wish milestones would come along quicker than they do. I am quite contented enjoying them as they arrive and watching my little lion develop in front of my eyes.

We now have his second bottom tooth! It popped through yesterday! I am pretty sure he is trying to clap his little fists together, and he is loving the Gummy Bear Song, he demonstrates his liking for this particular video by kicking his little legs...grinning from ear to ear and squealing with excitement. My boy is growing up....

Judging from the baby monitor going quiet, it sounds like my little man has finally given in to the temptation of sleep...So I am going to take this time to enjoy a hot chocolate <3

Have a lovely day all

Laura x

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