First Trimester: We’re Pregnant!

I don’t know what made me test. 

It definitely wasn’t a gut feeling, and it certainly wasn’t that I was sure that those two pink lines were going to pop up. 

In fact I was absolutely positive that this test would be negative like all of the other ones before them. 

You see I was convinced that I wouldn’t be able to conceive again. 

Why you ask? 

Ever since I had my implant taken out 3 years ago in January, my cycles have never returned to what I would deem normal. They ranged from 30 days to over 50, with no assemblence of a pattern and no sign that they were ever going to become regular ever again.

There were times I had pretty much convinced myself I was pregnant, when my cycles would go into the 30 days, 40 day.... 50 days....but I never was. Flo would pop along out of no where and shatter any illusion that there was a little baby growing away inside of me.

At the end of last year I decided to start tracking my ovulation, well occasionally, I never was religious about it. It wasn’t with the end goal of getting pregnant, it was actually for two reasons. The first reason was to see if I did actually ovulate, and the second reason was to see if I could take a guess as to when my period would come after ovulation, you know to try and get some predictability back into it all.

What I worked out was that I ovulated at different times each month depending on how long that cycle was going to be. I knew if I ovulated later then it would be at least 2 weeks before my period would rock up. 

I discovered that I could actually feel ovulation at some points, and I wasn’t alone in that and it even has a name - Mittelschmerz.

I had never put the association together with the lower abdominal ache and the time of the month. But I’m now absolutely positive that the two are and we’re linked.

This month there was a high chance that if I could conceive, I may have. 

I had ordered a bunch of those cheap One Step Pregnancy tests at the same time of the Ovulation Tests, when your cycles are as confusing as mine are, I discovered they were good to have to hand.

I did an ovulation test on the 21st May which was a strong positive. I also had that familiar ache low down on the right side of my abdomen. 5 days later we flew out to Cyprus, not once did I think I could actually be pregnant while we were away. 

I felt completely normal... 

It was the 3rd of June 2019, we had arrived back from our holiday in the early hours of that morning. Leo and I were snuggling up together watching Casper The Friendly Ghost on Netflix, and out of nowhere I decided to try one of those cheap tests...

I dipped the stick, popped it back on the wrapper and stuck it on the window sill. I boiled the kettle and happened to glance up. 

It almost looked like there was a second line on the test.

I went in for a closer look and a few choice words came into my head ‘no #*$@ing way!’. It must be a fluke, there was no way that the test could be positive.

Then I remembered that there was a First Response somewhere in the house from a false alarm where Luke was adamant that I was pregnant last year. Of course.... I hadn't been.

I found it and started pumping the water back into my body. I waited until I could finally use it and then watched the positive line on what I considered the more reliable test come straight into view. 

I was still in denial, but I now had 2 positive pregnancy tests. 

There was no one home but Leo and myself, for now I was going to have to contain my shock, excitement and sheer disbelief and watch Casper.

Luke had no idea, he didn’t even suspect. How could he when I didn’t even feel pregnant? 

Then my mind went into over drive about how I was going to tell him...