Monday, 21 May 2012

The Fear

When you are a young child, you think that all adults are fearless and nothing in the world can make them crumble inside. You think that once you hit a certain age, all your nightmares and scary thoughts are banished away forever and you become a grown up just like them, and of course in my perception I believed that when you grow up, you became fearless.

When I was a child that was my take of the adult world, it was my perception of my parents. They both seemed so strong and even if they did ever feel any fear, they would never let me know about it.

 As the years rolled by and I left my childhood day's behind me, I always wondered when the fear of bumps in the night would fade away and out of my existence. I wondered when I would stop taking a running jump into bed to stop ghostly hands reaching out and pulling me under, and I never gave up hope that when I was all grown up, I would never fear these things ever again.

It is only in the last year or so that I have realised that I do still jump into bed to stop those ghostly hands from grabbing my ankles, and I do still picture the most un-believable things when there is a bump in the night. Despite growing up and having a baby of my own, I still dwell on childhood fears even now I am a Mummy. I realise that all adults and children alike have their own fears, and just because you grow up and become a parent...Those fears will never all disappear completely.

I remember as a young girl, lying in bed with one leg strategically placed on top of the duvet on a hot summer's night, suddenly I became over whelmed with the fear that if I did not quickly pull my leg back inside the safe confinement of the duvet...I would be grabbed and pulled down into the dark caverns of the bed, never to be seen again. There were some nights in my childhood that I pictured the most peculiar things, that back then seemed incredibly real. I could lie there all night, frozen and too scared to move...Just in case the monsters from the wardrobe would come and hunt me down.

Sometimes you have to question where your childhood fears come from, even though in your sensible adult mind you know that it is completely impossible for these things to ever happen. My childhood fear that first sprung my jumping into bed came from the 'Sixth Sense' and ever since watching that little boy have his foot grabbed in broad daylight...Well that is what my first running jump was in aid of.

Now I have Leo to think of and I have to keep him safe from the potential dangers in this crazy world we live in. I have to make sure that he grows up knowing that he is safe and that I will always be there to protect him.

Now I am a Mummy and all grown up...There seems to be more fear in this world than ever before. More fear about all the bad things that could happen if I don't sleep with one eye open and protect Leo from some of the darker things in life.

It is interesting to see how your fears change as you grow up, the childlike fears of monsters and trolls all get swept under the carpet, but it is not long before a whole new set of fears enter your mind. More realistic fears such as a family member passing away, or crashing your car, or even having someone breaking into your house. Everyday fears that carry a real weight into how you live your day to day life.

I guess growing up does not rid you of all your fears, and I don't think that I ever will be... fearless...but despite that, I will always have my beautiful boy's best interests at heart and I will share with him the fairytales that captivated me in my childhood, and instill in him from a very early age, that the good always prevails out of the dark, and evil will be overcome.

What were your childhood fears? and what are your little one's most fearful of?


  1. Growing up I was most scared of something happening to the people i love and also wasps as a lot of my family are allergic. I am still scared of those things now! ;) x

    1. That is a big fear, I share that one too. I still worry now! I think that fear only grows as you get older, and worry about everyone around you xx

  2. My biggest fear was all ways ware wolves ... Sprung from having a huge wood behind a hotel my parents owned and the older siblings making stories up... I suppose my adult fear is getting into accident and knowing I may not see my son again. Love the blog x

    1. Thanks :-) Glad you like it!

      I used to have dreams about ware wolves when I was younger...I think it is a common child fear hehe.. xx


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