Monday, 30 July 2012

Dear baby boy...


Dear Blue eyed boy,

I have just tucked you up into bed and watched you close your big blue eyes.

I watched you succumb to sleep after fighting with all your might to keep your eyes open. But they lost the battle and your lids rolled down and you laid down your head. 

Fast asleep.

I wonder what you will dream tonight Leo, will you sleigh a dragon or climb the tallest mountain? Will you fight with pirates on your trip to Never Land? 

Or will you wonder why your Mummy is not around any more? I hope you fill your head full of adventures and magical voyages, but I think you do know that something is different. I think you know that something has changed.

I think you know that Mummy is away more than she is here.

I can tell you know my beautiful boy, that this is not something I want. Being away from you is something I wish I could change, and something that I am actively looking to fix.

The days are so long without you there to brighten my day with your cheeky mannerisms and flirty disposition. I am missing our days together and our walks into town. I miss feeding you your breakfast and getting you ready for the adventures of our day ahead. 

I sit and smile at your photo on my desk. It is a photo we had taken when you were 7 months old. You had just started crawling and pulling yourself up. It is amazing how much has changed in those 5 short months. You walk and attempt to run, your balance has come on so much now little man.

You are a proper little toddler, but above all else you are still my baby. My little baby boy who I long to spend all of my time with, and watch while you grow up into a incredible little boy who never ceases to make me proud.

I just want to tell you that just because I am not around, it does not mean I do no think of you at each and every moment of every day. 

Because I do. I think about you all the time.

I think about exciting things we can do together now I have money in my bank account, and I also think of ways that we can spend Daddy's money too. 

But shhh...Don't tell him.

I am exhausting all of my ideas and doing my very best to find a way back to you. I long to have a few extra days a week where it is just us. 

Mummy and Leo.

I keep thinking about what I am missing while I am not here. While I am not where I am supposed to be, and that is where ever you happen to be. 

You make me complete Leo, and as long as I am a firm part of your world. I am one happy Mummy.

Don't think I have abandoned you little man, I am out earning the money to fuel our adventures. It won't be long before the weekend get's here and we can have some serious fun. 

Until then beautiful boy of mine, know that I love you.

I love you very much.

I love you to the moon and back.

Yours,
Mummy xx

4 comments:

  1. He knows and loves you loads! Your doing so well. See... I told you you would :) x

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  2. Aw i can't imagine how hard it must be for you hunni but your baby boy knows how much you love him and that you're working hard to give him the life and things he deserves. You're doing a fab job and should be so proud of yourself xxx

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Vikki :-)
      What I really want is more time with him. Time to laugh together. I basically long for my maternity leave xx

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