Wednesday, 18 July 2012

The End is Nigh


I have been on leave from work since Monday June 27th 2011. 

This was the day I went into labour and finally met my beautiful little man. I had worked right up to the very day of having him and put off my leave for as long as possible, as I knew that the longer I worked, the more time I would have with Leo on maternity leave.

It all went to plan and I had a whole year ahead of me. 

It felt like we had forever, all of eternity.

Only a year doesn't last forever, it does only...last a year.

Now that year is up... and this time next week I will be back behind my desk, for 5 days a week. 8:30-5:00.

I cannot imagine any other existence than the reality that I have lived and shared with Leo over this past 13 months. This life is all I have ever known since having Leo, we have shared everything together.

We have played together, laughed and cried, but we have had the most amazing times.

That one on one quality time, every single day.

Heading off on new adventures at every opportunity.

There quite simply does not seem to be enough hours in the day for me to return to work. There is far to much playing to be done, peek a boo and all those tickles that Leo loves so much.

I guess the playing will still go on, but those games will not be played with me by day any longer. They will be played by Leo's Granny. 

Is it wrong that I feel envious that she gets to stay home and play with him? When in the perfect world, it would be me, and me alone.

That is one emotion that I am feeling a lot recently. I envy Mummy's who do get to stay at home, or even just work a few days a week. I envy the fact that somehow they can get by without Two full wages in the bank each month and I wish somehow that was a possibility for me.

I know that it is not, and I have known this all along. 

One thing is for sure though...

I have made the very most of this 13 months with Leo, I can look back and say that we have done so very much. There is not one day that I can say we have not done something worthwhile and I look back on my timed out leave with nothing but smiles and happy memories. 

I will be back behind my desk this time next week, but on my desk, in pride and place Leo's photo will be there staring right back at me. His big bright eyes and beautiful smile will guide me through my day, and when I do get home from those day's in the office, we will continue to play until I tuck him up in his cot and he closes his beautiful Blue eyes.

Laura
x




8 comments:

  1. Ahhh, I really feel for you hun. But I'm sure you'll quickly get used to your new routines and you'll make sure your weekends together are action packed with adventures. You are doing what you have to do and that is what it means to be a mummy. X

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    1. Thanks Lucy. I do know I have to do it and that in doing so I am doing the best for Leo. Then I feel that I should be with him, and of course want to be with him.

      Once I have settled into our new routine like you say...Hopefully it will seem normal X

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  2. Returning to work was one of the hardest things I had to do. I went when my DD was 8 months old, so you are very lucky to have had the full year. Enjoy it and make the very most of your weekends x

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    1. I have been very lucky, but I cannot help wishing for longer x

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  3. You will soon settle in hunni. Leo will be fine!
    xx

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  4. Good luck hun, and Leo will be fine and it will mean that you treasure the time with him even more. You are working to give him the best future, and that is the main thing.x

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    1. Thanks lovely, it feels like the end of the summer holidays when you have to return to school the next day. Only worse... xx

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