When you have a baby, the whole world and his friend want to come and visit you. Those first few weeks are non stop hustle and bustle, people in and out. As time goes by family member's cannot wait to steal your new baby away for the day...Or the night. The invite is only extended to your child. You, the parent are not invited. They want alone time with your baby, without you!
When Leo was 8 weeks old his Grandad and Grandma visited us at home. I was then told by his Grandma that they were going to be taking him out for the day the following weekend. The abruptness completely caught me off guard and I felt obliged to accept. By obliged, I mean forced up against the wall in a cut throat kind of situation. I was not expecting to be told they were taking my son out, I was not asked. It was an expected right.
I have never been very good at dealing with outspoken comments like this, and this time it cut deep. They thought they were doing me a favour, giving me a break, but it didn't feel like that. I felt like I had no choice but to let them take him. Like if I objected I would seem to be an over-protective parent.
The last thing I wanted was to be separated from my baby boy for a whole day, especially at 8 weeks old. What if they didn't feed him properly? What if he get's fussy on the bottle and they don't purserver? What if they take the bottle away and he is hungry? What if he wont stop crying? What if there is a car crash? What if he just want's his Mummy?
My worries fell on deaf ears and it soon became apparent that Leo was going out without me, and I wasn't allowed to go with him. Luke didn't understand my reservations and has a very relaxed approach to family members taking Leo for the day. I on the other hand just don't like being seperated from him, and at 8 weeks old am I wrong to have felt that way?
He did go out for the day from 11 through till gone 6pm, he was late coming home. I just wanted him back with me so I could get him bathed and ready for bed.
It seems that the world did not end with him leaving me for the day, but why should I have to give people this time with MY baby at 8 weeks old? Or 40 weeks old for that matter?
I write this post now, as the subject has yet again cropt up. His Grandad and Grandma wish to take him out for the day in the next couple of weeks, and I don't want him to go. The same forceful appraoch from his Grandma was applied 'We haven't taken him out in ages, we WILL take him out again'.
Oh will you now? Why don't you ask his Mother first and see how she feels before you automatically assume you have a God given right to take him.
I thought it would get easier as he got older, and I would get more relaxed. It seems I haven't and now I have a whole new set of worries running through my mind. What if he doesn't settle for them? What if he is upset the whole time? What if he doesn't get his two naps? What if he had an accident in their care? My worries go on and on....
What I am asking you is, what would you do in my position? Would you have let your 8 week old baby go off into the world without you? How would you handle the force applied in order to get you to agree?
Laura
xx
At 8 weeks I would not have let him out of my sight, but luckily I had no one interfering in that. As I breastfed I had the inbuilt excuse as well. In fact it was great that no matter where I was, he got passed back to me when he cried as I was the only one who could feed him. He is 7 months now and I still haven't let anyone take him for the day so I know how you feel!
ReplyDeleteI think at 8 weeks you don't expect to have anyone saying they are taking your newborn out. I don't know why visiting, while he is in my care a problem? I wish I had the breast feeding as a reason!
ReplyDeleteI may just have to put my foot down, I just hate looking like an ogre. But then I shouldn't be put in this position anyway! I still feel he is too young, I am not comfortable with it. Your little one is a few months younger than Leo :-)) xx
A friend of mine let another friend take her baby out for the day when she was 6 days old, as she really wanted some sleep. I still find this mortifying! Everyone is different I guess. I will go back to work 2 days a week when Dylan is 9 months and my mum will have him one of those days,- going to find that so strange!
DeleteEek 6 days! Everyone is different like you say, but I have always tried to sleep when he does. We have had some lovely naps!
DeleteIt is a hard thought going back to work, but at least you know he will be in capable hands, with you Mum.
I am back in July, just after Leo's first birthday. xx
Noah is 3 and no one has taken him out! I had the breast feeding excuse for the first 14 months but even now people wouldn't suggest it as my other half and I have made it clear he is our son and he is too young to be without a parent (we just don't trust anyone to look after him like we do). It might be a bit over protective at 3 but because we never took that chance when he was small we now wouldn't cope with worry if we let someone take him - bit of a double edged sword! The mere fact they are telling not asking would be enough for me to say no way! Tell them he is teething or not sleeping and very clingy with mummy and you would not feel comfortable putting him in a position where he can't see you if he needs you...or just tell them to sod off he is yours! x
ReplyDeleteI love this Kat, I feel exactly the same and just don't want to be parted from him. I feel that my love and care exceeds anything else anyone can give him. That is not me being selfish and controlling. That is me being his Mummy.
DeleteI love your reasons, and I intend to use them. I do feel it is a conversation my other half should have though. So if and when the subject comes back up. He will be informed what he must say! I just hope he sees where I am coming from....
Thanks Kat :-) xx
How are you and Noah? I hope you are both doing great! :-)) x
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